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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

if i pull out of this training?

151 replies

VelvetSpoon · 13/10/2016 18:43

Part of my job involves delivering training to other members of staff. As the company I work for has several offices, this means travelling for 3-4 hours each way, and an overnight stay if there is more than one day of training (or 2 days if the training is starting at 9am, as I'd need to go up the night before).

So, next month I've been asked to deliver 6 days of training, 3 sessions of 2 days a piece (and as all training is starting at 9am, I'd go up the night before. So 6 nights away).

Which isn't great, but it's doable. Or it would have been.

However, I've just received DSs mock exam timetable, and all his exams are during the period I'm meant to be away.

I feel I need to be here, to make sure he's up/ ready for school etc. The exam timetable is pretty busy over the days I'm meant to be away. I'm a lone parent; DS1 who's 18 will be here, but neither of them can 100% be relied upon to get up on time if I'm not around. I don't want DS to miss an exam, or be late, etc.

So AIBU to say I can't do the training? This will cause a big problem potentially as there's no one else who can easily deliver it, and the company is committed to completing all the training by a certain date...what to do?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 13/10/2016 18:46

i think that if this is part of your expected workload, and you haven't specifically booked annual leave for those dates then you will be expected to fulfill your job role.

How approachable/sympathetic is your line manager?

SaltyMyDear · 13/10/2016 18:46

Ring him to get him out of bed?

It's only mocks. Keep your powder dry in case you need to cancel training during the real exams.

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 13/10/2016 18:53

Ringing him doesn't work, I need to be here (I wouldn't need any annual leave, if I was going on to work I'd just make sure he was up before I left at 7.45).

The school have stressed how important the mocks are in establishing what papers pupils will sit for their final exams. I don't want to risk DS missing any.

The mocks are normally later in the term, but this year have been brought forward; had I known when I received the training timetable, I could have flagged it up then.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 13/10/2016 18:57

My employer is very understanding of personal circumstances but no way would they accept this as a reason to disrupt the whole company training programme.

anyname123 · 13/10/2016 18:58

I think that of it's part of your contracted role then you need to deliver the training. If you are doing as a one off / favour (but it doesn't sound like that's the case), then you could decline.
I know that teenagers are sleep hungry, but getting himself up will stand him in good stead for life, and his punctuality / organisational skills will prove just as useful, if not more so, than GCSE results, so good practice for him

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 13/10/2016 19:00

TBH, I think YABU. I'm pretty surprised that your younger DS can't get himself up and ready, and Shock that your older can't.

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 13/10/2016 19:06

If he misses an exam, or is late, I am sure the school will a) contact me and b) call me in for a meeting, I am concerned as to how me saying I wasn't at home for 2 days is going to go down.

It's not exactly part of my job. However I don't have a specific job description so whether I'm 'meant' to be doing it could be argued either way. I have delivered training several times. I've written this training with a colleague who will also be delivering it (It's a 2 handed piece).

It's difficult. I don't want to cause uproar at work, but equally I don't want DS to miss exams or there to be repercussions with the school.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 13/10/2016 19:14

I assumed from the beginning of your OP that this was an expectation of your core role.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 13/10/2016 19:18

How old is your son? Why can't he get himself up and off to school without you there to wake him?! Confused

Dd1 is 9, we have to leave at 6.30 every morning, she gets herself up at 5.45 every day with no issue?!

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 13/10/2016 19:26

I don't have a proper job description, or even a formal job title, so what constitutes my core role is arguable. Training is something I do, and have done. It isn't the only thing I do - there are no stand alone trainers in our dept.

Ds is 15. He often used to get up himself when he was younger, since hitting his teens this has become more infrequent. He does sometimes get up unprompted, but I am concerned these exams will be on one of the days he doesn't.

Obviously if I wasn't a lone parent this wouldn't be an issue, I do feel that my employers should take that into account. I know not everyone would be prepared to leave their 15year old overnight in any event.

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 13/10/2016 19:29

Is there some reason your eighteen (!!) year old son can't be relied on to get himself out of bed in the morning?? Shock

I would definitely advocate going on the training. You need to break the cycle.

JakeBallardswife · 13/10/2016 19:33

Suggest you change the training days, offer a solution and explain why if they're a family friendly employer they'll prob understand

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 13/10/2016 19:34

I know not everyone would be prepared to leave their 15year old overnight in any event

But you have been doing this so far, haven't you? It would seem strange to say to your employees that you don't feel comfortable leaving your son alone overnight if you've been doing so already.

I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving a 15 year old alone overnight. But his brother is there, isn't he? It's high time they learned to rouse themselves in the morning.

T0ddlerSlave · 13/10/2016 19:35

Could he stay with a friend the night before?

ilovesooty · 13/10/2016 19:36

I can't imagine that changing the training days will be well received. I'd have thought that would impact on a large number of people.

Firsttimer82 · 13/10/2016 19:36

Mocks are important. I'd say no to doing the training or see if you can swop the date. I wouldn't leave ds during his mocks. Also being on your own when you are a teenager with an older sibling is stressful!!! Trust me.

Donthate · 13/10/2016 19:37

No grandparents or friends he can stay with?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 13/10/2016 19:38

I can't imagine that changing the training days will be well received. I'd have thought that would impact on a large number of people.

I agree.

Your 18 yr old needs to start taking responsibility for getting themselves up tbh.

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 13/10/2016 19:41

I've left him previously, because I've had no choice. However I would normally arrange the timetable myself to ensure that i was only ever away overnight (I'd either start late, and take 2 days, or start early and finish in a day). I also normally only do 1-2 days a month, not 6.

I feel it's not DS1s job to get his brother up.

OP posts:
Loaferloveforyou · 13/10/2016 19:42

How does he get himself up for school on the mornings you are away? Have I missed this?

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 13/10/2016 19:49

I doubt he could stay with a friend, but I can ask. He has 3 close friends, however one doesn't go to school, so wouldn't be doing the mocks, the others don't have much room at home so not sure if they would be able to put him up. But I'll speak to DS.

I don't have any family. He could stay with his dad's parents. However that will put me in an awkward situation with my Ex (as I don't like him knowing when I'm not here, for various reasons) and is dependent on his Grandad's health as DS would need to be driven to/ from school each day due to distance. It would be very much a last resort.

I've seen the training timetable but I don't know to what extent it's been disseminated. I do know that the first training day of the 6 is one that can't be altered.

OP posts:
Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 13/10/2016 19:53

The most recent training has been in school holidays, or inset days so there's not been an issue.

When I've been away on a school day, he has most of the time managed, but there have been occasions where he's been late, and it's those I worry might happen during this exam period especially as he will be tired from revision.

OP posts:
Porpoises · 13/10/2016 19:54

That's really tricky. I dont think either choice is unreasonable!

Alonglongway · 13/10/2016 19:55

yes my two are similar age and the 16 year old now struggles to get up, having been brilliant all along. I do think they both have to step up so you can prioritise your job. What about taking him out to choose a new alarm clock?

Floralnomad · 13/10/2016 20:03

If he's old enough to be home alone ,or with his brother ,then he's old enough to get up on time . Ring him to check he's up and have a friend / neighbour on standby to go bang on the door if he doesn't answer the phone .