AIBU to smack this intrusive hand away?

[jayisforjessica]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with twins, and I'm the first to admit it: I'm getting to be a big girl! I do have quite a big round belly.

I have this group of friends who tend to be quite touchy feely, much more so than me personally. They're not bad people, but I've always sort of made my boundaries clear: If I come in for a hug, I want one, but until then, please assume I don't. And this has never been an issue. I used my words, asked for what I needed, and they willingly gave it.

Until now.

Somehow, being pregnant has opened the floodgates of what appears to be their thinly veiled desire to pet me. Every time I hang out with these friends, I have to tell them over and over, please, do not touch my belly. Please, I don't want to be petted and stroked. Please, I do love you, but I need you to keep your hands to yourself. Most of them have been great, but one woman (C, for argument's sake) just wouldn't let up, insisting that she was "only showing some love for [her] pregnant sister" and once again rubbing my belly despite my repeated clear and direct requests that she stopped.

I slapped her hand away.

She was outraged and immediately went into pout and sulk mode. I, on the other hand, think she's being completely unreasonable and childish. I TOLD her multiple times I didn't want to be touched. I TOLD her that I needed her to keep her hands to herself. She CHOSE to ignore those requests. It's my feeling that she deserved what she got (a little slap on the hand).

Our friends are somewhat divided. Some of them agree with me - that C is notorious for not respecting boundaries and they're proud of me for sticking up for myself. Others say "well, C's just like that, there was no call to hit her". Well, to that I say, I was not the one who made the first (clearly unwanted) physical contact. Was I?

For the record, this isn't the first time I've had issues with C. She has similar boundary issues around children "Oh, give Aunty C a hug" (whether the child wants to or not). DS, from the age of about 2-6, was afraid of her - would literally ask me to pick him up rather than face her.

God I would hate this

Whilst everything is still in the "blow up" stage, it might be worth telling her to leave your ds alone and to spell it out to her that he doesn't like Juju (urgh btw - that's not a name, it's a curse)

YADNBU!

Who are these people that have never been taught that they shouldn't touch others without consent? Especially when you have said no! It's terrible behaviour.

Even my 5 yo knows 'My body, my choice!'

If c was a man and he kept touching you when u told him not to what would your friends say then unwanted contact is unwanted contact ( get itself some hands off the bump shirts saved me loads of hassle I'm not a touched dunno where those hands have been)

"Not liking the sexual assault comparisons. SA is more than just seriously annoying - it's terrifying."

People react differently to different things - sexual assault isn't always terrifying. As pp have said, OP was being groped - it doesn't particularly matter who was the groper or what their intentions were, they still invaded her personal space and made her extremely uncomfortable.

Well I've RTFT now and I still think YABU. This wasn't sexual assault and shouldn't be compared to it. You can't hit someone for not listening to you. You can move away and stop socialising with them though. And by the sounds of it it doesn't seem like the group would be against meeting up without her.
I also find it a bit strange that you talk about her disrespecting your kids boundaries re touching etc then say that you spank your kids. Also you can hug others when you want to but they can't hug you unless you instigate it. Sounds like you're all for people respecting your boundaries but you're not too keen on giving the same respect tbh which may be why you don't see the issue with slapping someone.

bumsex she didnt say she spanked her kids, she said that she spanked her sons hand away from a hot stove, completely different. And if you have read the thread then you will know that it was more batting her hand away than sticking one on her as you seem to be implying. A mutual hug is fine, being hugged against your wishes is not, I am surprised that you are unable to see that.

But hey, dont let the facts stand in the way

I wish I'd been like you when I was pregnant, good for you! I was pawed all the time and inwardly seethed.

shes a twatty attention seeker

already lieing about what happened so shes playing the hurt victim

get rid

I'm not implying sticking one on her at all. I accept she didn't slap hard but I'm not comfortable with people saying C deserved to be hit because she's annoying and brought it on herself. Comparing bump feeling (annoying as it must be) to someone stroking your breasts against your will is fucking ridiculous and insulting to victims of sexual assault.
Does the op ask her friends before she goes in for a hug? The op reads like if I instigate it it's ok - no mention of whether the other person wants one. It does read like respect for boundaries is very one sided imo.

Totally agree with bumsex's post.

I agree Bumsex but I think I'm the only one here who does.

Only read first page but I love the phrase Aunty Cunt. Just thought I'd share that.

I think few people would actually do this in real life. You might feel like it. But people tend to say 'I would've just smacked them' when actually they'd have done no such thing.
I didn't come across any unwanted bump fondling thankfully but I'm trying to think of how I would have handled it. I think a polite request followed by a firmer request/moving seats, followed by leaving and not meeting up with the weirdo again. I certainly wouldn't have fumed for years until I was mad enough to slap them.

In fact going on the previous behaviour I doubt I would have been still socialising with them now - particularly if I wasn't the type of person who likes being touched. All very odd.

Think I would pat her belly right back and say, "I've got babies in mine, what's your excuse for this belly?"

Pictish!

I agreed with Pictish (and sympathisers!) several hours ago. This thread is not completely unanimous!

I'm a victim of sexual assault.

To me, this is no different. Violating someone's personal space is violating someone's personal space. End of story.

There is nothing wrong with a little slap to move someones hand away. Why do some people think they are entitled to do what they want when you specifically say no. I don't even think she actually slapped the hand away it was most probably a push away.

It could arguably be assault (as could the hand slapping) but it's not sexual assault. I know someone who sits too close to me when speaking and it is quite uncomfortable, I also know someone who is quite touchy feely (think huggy, hand on arm etc). It is annoying but not the same as someone slapping /pinching my arse etc imo.

Strange that you would think that sunshine when you weren't there and the op has herself used the word 'smack' n the title.
You lose the moral highground about invading space when you smack someone imo.

Not if they had a warning they have to respect her wishes
You lose the moral highground about invading space when you smack someone

That is simple don't touch then you won't get a hand slap. As the op said there is no physical injury or red mark. I suppose do what pictish suggested push her away and tell her to fuck off (common as muck).

Haven't read the full thread, but touching you without your consent is not ok. You asked her to stop and she didn't so you enforced the boundaries by physically moving her hand away.

If you were in a club and a bloke was putting his hands all over you and not taking no for an answer, would they be saying "oh you know how man's name is, there's no need to hit him away"

Tell them all the fuck off. Especially Aunty Cunt.