AIBU to smack this intrusive hand away?

[jayisforjessica]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with twins, and I'm the first to admit it: I'm getting to be a big girl! I do have quite a big round belly.

I have this group of friends who tend to be quite touchy feely, much more so than me personally. They're not bad people, but I've always sort of made my boundaries clear: If I come in for a hug, I want one, but until then, please assume I don't. And this has never been an issue. I used my words, asked for what I needed, and they willingly gave it.

Until now.

Somehow, being pregnant has opened the floodgates of what appears to be their thinly veiled desire to pet me. Every time I hang out with these friends, I have to tell them over and over, please, do not touch my belly. Please, I don't want to be petted and stroked. Please, I do love you, but I need you to keep your hands to yourself. Most of them have been great, but one woman (C, for argument's sake) just wouldn't let up, insisting that she was "only showing some love for [her] pregnant sister" and once again rubbing my belly despite my repeated clear and direct requests that she stopped.

I slapped her hand away.

She was outraged and immediately went into pout and sulk mode. I, on the other hand, think she's being completely unreasonable and childish. I TOLD her multiple times I didn't want to be touched. I TOLD her that I needed her to keep her hands to herself. She CHOSE to ignore those requests. It's my feeling that she deserved what she got (a little slap on the hand).

Our friends are somewhat divided. Some of them agree with me - that C is notorious for not respecting boundaries and they're proud of me for sticking up for myself. Others say "well, C's just like that, there was no call to hit her". Well, to that I say, I was not the one who made the first (clearly unwanted) physical contact. Was I?

For the record, this isn't the first time I've had issues with C. She has similar boundary issues around children "Oh, give Aunty C a hug" (whether the child wants to or not). DS, from the age of about 2-6, was afraid of her - would literally ask me to pick him up rather than face her.

God help the person who messes with a pregnant lady.

Are you sure we can't tempt you with Jack and Jill for the twins? It would be so cute!

you need this:

YANBU! Aunty Cunt might learn herself some fucking boundaries now.

Just spat out my lunch at that. :)

YANBU! Aunty Cunt might learn herself some fucking boundaries now.

Just spat out my lunch at that. :)

Superfly - I dunno...sometimes people we are 'friends' with just happen to be part of the same social circle as we are and not necessarily who we would choose to hang out with otherwise.

Why the hell would anyone want to touch anyone else's belly?! Erghhhh.

YANBU, next time slap her harder :D

pictish if OP is so hacked off by this person - they don't need to socialise with her and vice versa. Must be very tiring constantly batting away annoying behaviour.

Difficult when you're all part of the same crowd.

pictish it is difficult but can be done.

example - about 2 years ago a friend of mine (K) fell out with a mutual friend of ours (Y)... they used to do stuff together because they lived very near by (we eg the other friends live the other side of London).

I know the mutual friend (Y) is not one to make a scene but there had been something she couldn't attend and our other friend K made a big deal about it... plus Y also had lots of other extenuating circumstances mostly relating to very important stuff going on her life (can't detail here). K's life is quite simple.

Then K tried to get me to be a go between to return something she'd borrowed from Y - I refused to be a go between - I didn't want the friendship to end or there be problems but was not going to be a go between. So K now doesn't see the rest of us and me - HER choice!

a few of our other mutual friends still see K separate from Y and I but we don't gossip about it.

Well this is depressing. Woman is fondled after clearly saying no. Woman mildly slaps the offending hand away. Woman is taken apart by other women for not responding more gently to being groped. Jesus wept.

100% agree RunRabbitRunRabbit

For what it's worth this person has been told for years to stop invading other peoples personal boundaries and hasn't respected this. I'm just surprised that all this hasn't blown up before.

If you changed this to saying it was man touching your leg after you said not to, you wouldn't think twice about whether it was right. It's your body you said no you didn't want touched. She ignored and disrespected your feelings. It's just not on. Don't sit beside her again. Though suspect she might give you wide berth now anyway!

Exactly runrabbit doesn't matter if it's male or female doing the unwanted touching, she's perfectly in the right to not allow it, especially after "using her words" so many times and being blatantly ignored.

Can't say I've ever touched a friend's baby bump... Why?

YANBU.

I never had one person try and touch my bump when pregnant, I think I must have a don't-fuck-with-me face

Congrats btw, twins are totally awesome.

Ah me too Felicia. I can be super frosty in a "touch my bump and I'll deck you" kind of way. And hurrah for that, quite frankly. This C sounds ghastly.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8 basically, if someone doesn't want to be touched, don't.

Exactly what Flyingbellycopters said.

Doesn't matter who it is, if you say you don't want to be touched then that person has no right to.

YANBU!

YANBU. Hope all goes well with pregnancy.

I would rip the person's hand off her arm, ram it down her throat and suffocate her with it.
I don't have any anger management issues but very strong personal boundaries. This would drive me mental. Fortunately, I managed to get away with strong verbal warnings during my pregnancy and people who knew me knew better so I didn't have to give birth in prison. One person came really close but her and her lila coloured perm and fluffy slippers she was wearing at work are still alive.

I have a Voice that I use when people repeatedly fail to respect my boundaries. I suspect those I've used it on would prefer the slap. Tell you what though, the likes of C would be just as offended by a Voice, or walking away, or anything else you did, so you might as well swat her hand away if that's the first thing that occurred to you. If you'd been a horse you'd have kicked her bloody head in and nobody would have been in the least bit surprised.

Only skim read but I think I might be the only one to say yabu. You can't hit people! I get it must be annoying but why not just move when she sits by you and say 'sorry I can't sit next to you because you keep touching me despite me asking you not to and I hate it' or even better just don't see her - she sounds like a pita. I hope you didn't let her make your kids hug her either.

You might want to read a bit more

There's a whole sub thread about both C hugging Js DS and the whole slap/swat/violence thing

Yanbu at all.

Catching up now. Not liking the sexual assault comparisons. SA is more than just seriously annoying - it's terrifying.