If you kept your name when you got married, how did you husband take it?

[WanderingNotLost]

Because my H2B is taking it as a personal slight, apparently.

Had a lovely evening together, we're getting ready for bed and I mention to him that I was thinking I might change my name to his legally, but keep my own name for sort of every day life. He did not take it well.
Saying I want to marry him, have the nice church wedding, be his wife and everything that goes with it except taking his name. Apparently I'm BU because 'that's how it's always been done'. Double barrelling isn't an option (although I'm with him there, it would sound daft) and of course he refuses point blank to consider taking mine (not that I'd ever really ask or expect him to) saying 'show me a man who was happy to take his wife's name, and I guarantee he'll be a pussy-whipped Guardian reader.' He went to bed sulking.
He just doesn't seem to get what a big deal it is. Probably cos all his friends wives changed their names straight away when they got married. To me, my name is my identity, it's who I am, it's what binds me to my Dad (who died just shy of 2 years ago) and his side of my family. And after all, I have said that legally I'd take his!
It doesn't surprise me that we don't agree. After all, he's a right wing pro-Brexit Tory voter and I'm a liberal leftie feminist... we're doomed, aren't we??

Some couples may have discussed this and decided for whatever reason to give the child the father's surname, but from people I know and some of the posts I've seen on MN, for many people it is taken as a given. Seeing as mothers are the ones who go through pregnancy and more often that not take on the majority of childcare, and seeing as both unmarried parents and those who kept their own names have broken tradition in a sense, I have been wondering why this is.

I think it is taken as a given by the same people who think that women always take the man's surname on marriage. Those women that keep their maiden name on marriage probably do all have a discussion regarding the children's surnames.
My children have DH's surname because it was quite important to him that they had the same surname as him whereas I didn't really care (at the time). I think that if it was important to me as well as him we might have all changed our names to something new.

"The only thing I asked was that the kids have my surname"

Why?

I have been married 33 years and as other posters have said my husband cared not one jot. I married young, but had absolutely no intention of changing my name. I find it so sad that we are still having this conversation.
Sorry to sound rude but your boyfriend sounds like a reactionary caveman!

LaContessaDiPlumpOnSea, I know the feeling, re: doctor. If I must use a title (which I do rarely), I use Dr. since I have a PhD. I know some people think this is arrogant, but why shouldn't a woman be proud of her educational achievements?

It took me 8 years at University to gain my degree and then my PhD, it took me 15 minutes to arrange my wedding ceremony. Getting married is not an achievement in life (though staying married is, but men don't feel the need to share this info via a title, so why should I?). Reaching a very high level of education is something I'm very proud to have achieved and I think it sends out utterly the wrong message to young girls if woman can't be defined by their professional achievements as much as any man is.

DP thinks my name is 'silly' and is glad I was happy for the children to have his surname - they have my name as a second middle name, which he isn't enthusiastic about but content to go along with as he understood why I wanted it. He agrees it makes sense for me to keep my name.

My dad is very traditional and thought I should take DP's name because his neighbours might think I was weird. I pointed out that his name would die out if I didn't keep it and give it to kids as a middle name, at which point, having a good argument for it to make to his neighbours, he now thinks it's excellent that I've kept it!

My dh couldn't give two hoots about my name. Even offered to give my name to ds if I wanted (i didn't). It's a name, my name and there was no way i wanted to change it.

My sister told me i was 'disgusting' for keeping my/our surname. She said there was no point in getting married. She also thinks women with dc who work during the day are 'disgusting' and women hire any kind of paid help with childcare are...yup...'disgusting', as if you can't look after your own kids you shouldn't have them. So i'm not really losing any sleep over her judgement!

My Nan before she died (6yrs ago) constantly wrote cheques to Mrs Hisname for birthday and xmas gifts then got all arsey when they weren't cashed, even when i told her the bank just wouldn't accept them she accused me of lying. She would never write them to my (her) surname as she was adamant that not taking exH's name was illegal.

Your sister sounds like a peach. I bet you spend loads of your free time with her!