To think it's ok for a 9 month old to be 'clingy'

[Throughautomaticdoors]

My dd is 9 months old (7.5 months corrected if it makes any difference!) and she is very much all me at the moment. If she is tired or a bit under the weather in particular she will only really settle for me.

Mil came over this afternoon and Dd had been fine for most of it but was getting a bit tired by late afternoon and a couple of times cried or crawled after me when I went out the room. Mil kept saying 'you'll have to sort this out Automatic, she'll never cope at school will she.' She's 9 months old! I'm pretty sure by the time she's 4 she won't be crawling after me crying.
I think some of this is because mil would like Dd herself (has said before she likes to pretend the baby is hers) and there have been a number of occasions where dd has been crying and calling me or reaching her arms out when mil has been holding her and mil has walked her away from me saying she needs to learn she can't always have what she wants and get used to not always being with mummy.

I probably have been more protective with her than I was ds because she was prem and poorly and because I've had pnd but she's 9 months! Surely it's ok to want your mum when you're tired / hungry / fed up and you're only 9 months old?

There are quite a few assumptions there about my level of experience with babies who aren't my own! I am the eldest of nine and I have five young family members - I know enough to have an opinion. Whether it's correct or not remains to be seen. But bear in mind that I am not telling anyone else how to parent, just explaining how I will try to parent. I feel the replies to that are unnecessarily condescending.

Titania'sTits: I don't think I am the one being a total twat here

No of course you don't. Yet.

Coming at it from the other side, I'm worried that my DD never had separation anxiety. Saw that a previous poster mentioned attachment disorder. How would I know if my child had this? (Sorry to hijack- this has bothered me for a long time)

Titania: Are you always this rude to people who don't think their experience will be the same as your own? There is no need to be so aggressive, is there? An alternative would be to just accept that someone else holds a different view and move on.

So why can't you take your own advice. Pretty much everyone else on this thread thinks differently to you, yet here you are, banging away, insisting you're right and all the other (experienced) mums are wrong, and just not being firm enough.

Anyway, life's too short for this. I wish you luck with the rest of your pregnancy, and the stickiest of Velcro babies at the end of it.

Titania: Where exactly have I insisted that I'm right? You are very funny 😄

DD was super clingy to about 2 1/2. 4 now and not in the least clingy.

Trifle

Babysitting, being an older sibling even as in my case being a nanny for several years is NOT the same as being a mother!

The person who said its your tone that's off was quite right.

Plus I suspect many of us had moments of 'i had no idea of the reality of motherhood before being a mum's moments, I know I did. It's the arrogance of your tone.

and the stickiest of Velcro babies at the end of it.

Hmm yes, wonder what you'll think in 11 months?

Graphista: In the nicest possible way, you don't know enough about me to make that judgement. I am not going to go into detail, but 'babysitting' isn't the word! I will leave that there. However, I will say that I think my tone isn't at fault here, compared with those who can't accept that someone else simply disagrees with them - someone who is not insisting they are right, not advising anyone else, not criticising anyone else, not refusing to accepts the possibility that they are wrong. Just disagreeing, respectfully.

And to those who are spiteful enough to specifically wish a difficult baby on me?

Babysitting is only one aspect I mentioned. I too am from a large family and have been caring for babies from a young age, started nannying at 18. None of which prepared me for being a mother nothing can. I wasn't making assumptions I was commenting based on my own knowledge and experience. In addition thousands of scientists, drs, health visitors, psychologists have studied and confirmed child development stages including separation anxiety and attachment disorder.

Trifle, you said: "clinginess of this nature is usually avoidable, so I don't intend to let it get to that stage."

But it isn't usually avoidable. Separation anxiety is a normal developmental stage. And some babies are clingier than others depending on their personality type - again, that is not within your control as a parent.

When you say that your baby won't be that clingy because of the way you're planning to parent, you're putting yourself under a massive amount of pressure. It's hard enough to have a clingy baby - it's even harder if you think clinginess is because you as the mother are doing something wrong.

Given that a clingy baby is all down to poor parenting I'm sure you have nothing to fear Trifle

53rd: I accept that that is your opinion; it just isn't mine. I have no problem with you having your view.

Hobnob: I haven't said poor parenting. My first post was very clear: each to their own.

Graphista: I am not going to get into a debate with you. You can assume yourself to be correct, but I am happy with my own view. How I arrived at it is my business. If I am wrong, I will hold up my hands later.

It isn't my 'opinion', Trifle. Child development is a very well-researched field. Separation anxiety is not something scientists just made up to justify their inadequate parenting skills

And trust me, as someone who had a very clingy baby despite really, really not wanting one, I nearly went out of my mind with it as it was. It helped me, a lot, to read about normal child development and hear from the experiences of other people who had babies like mine. When I say you're putting yourself under unreasonable amounts of pressure by thinking you can parent your way out of clinginess, I am speaking from experience.

Well that's very much how I see it, 53rd - a matter of opinion. I don't need permission to hold my opinion.

Nobody's saying you need permission to have an opinion. People are telling you that your opinion is not a very well-informed one.

Totally normal!! I thought your MIL sounded like she was just be a worrisome granny until you said about her pretending that YOUR baby is hers She sounds batshit to me, that is what is not normal in all this!

53rd: You are insistent that your view - a very different one to mine - isn't 'opinion', which must mean you think your view is fact. Hmm. Well, as I say, we will see. For now, I think your view is very much opinion, which you are entitled to, as I am to mine.

Yes, separation anxiety being a normal part of child development is fact. Child development is a well-established scientific field. It's not just something made up on Mumsnet. You're entitled to your opinion that it's all bollocks, just as you're entitled to your opinion that the moon is made of green cheese - everyone has the right to believe whatever they want.

53rd - what difference does it make to you what I believe? We don't all have to think the same things. What I think has no effect on you whatsoever, so feel free to leave me to it, eh?