To think it's ok for a 9 month old to be 'clingy'

[Throughautomaticdoors]

My dd is 9 months old (7.5 months corrected if it makes any difference!) and she is very much all me at the moment. If she is tired or a bit under the weather in particular she will only really settle for me.

Mil came over this afternoon and Dd had been fine for most of it but was getting a bit tired by late afternoon and a couple of times cried or crawled after me when I went out the room. Mil kept saying 'you'll have to sort this out Automatic, she'll never cope at school will she.' She's 9 months old! I'm pretty sure by the time she's 4 she won't be crawling after me crying.
I think some of this is because mil would like Dd herself (has said before she likes to pretend the baby is hers) and there have been a number of occasions where dd has been crying and calling me or reaching her arms out when mil has been holding her and mil has walked her away from me saying she needs to learn she can't always have what she wants and get used to not always being with mummy.

I probably have been more protective with her than I was ds because she was prem and poorly and because I've had pnd but she's 9 months! Surely it's ok to want your mum when you're tired / hungry / fed up and you're only 9 months old?

It's normal at that age.

I have fond ( ) memories of trying to get my jeans and belt down for a wee with just one hand as I couldn't even put DS on the bathroom floor whilst I just went to the toilet.He was very independent from about 4 so they all grow out of it eventually.

your MiL sounds like a bit of a knob of course its normal for a 9mo to want mummy....

Oh god no - that's great she is so attached ro you and can relate you as comforting and her primary care giver.

My DS never went through this stage and I thought it was fantastic (less pressure to be the comforter) - turns out he's autistic!

How about switching it around to mil? Ask her if she feels sad she didn't have a good relationship with her own mum that she sought her for comfort and would she like to talk about it?

(Ok that probably won't help but should get her to realise!)

Good grief!! My just three year old is still super clingy to me when she's tired/poorly. Will not have anyone else. She was an absolute nightmare as a baby, screamed like crazy if i even passed her to DP!

However she's the most confident and sociable little girl now when she's well/well rested. Started nursery without a backwards glance and totally at peace in new situations. My nearly 5 year old DS, who wasn't that clingy as a baby, is shy, lacking confidence and more comfortable in small groups.

You get what you get, their early days have no bearing on what they end up like. Also I have a theory that second babies are just that way, quite a few of my friends have seconds who will have noone but mummy :)

Completely normal, follow your instincts. DD1 was soooo clingy at this age, I dreaded having to go to the loo because I knew she'd scream the place down. She is now the most independent 12 yr old I know, a complete adrenaline junkie and can't wait to leave home and travel the world!! Don't worry xxx

This smacks of jealousy from your MIL. It's completely normal!

There should be a general message that comes up for posts like this saying. YANBU ignore you Dh/MIL/DM/BIL/SIL etc. It's amazing how many relations and friends can just be so insensitive or offensive or in this case plain daft. If she's still clingy and crying for you in first day of school MIL can say told you so. But as your baby is displaying normal behaviour for her age it's unlikely!

It's a sign of secure attachment. You're doing brilliantly. Tell her to fuck off with her dysfunction. X

Not even a tiny bit unreasonable. Unless you are actually asking someone to help you by giving you a break from your child, then they shouldn't be making the decision whether to 'separate' you, imo. It can be anxiety provoking for you and baby to be kept away. I know I found it intolerable to be separated from DD web she was a baby. Obviously, at our own comfortable pace, I found ways to make it easier for her to be with others instead of me. Trust yourself and be firm. Good luck.

Sorry but it would be unnatural if she didnt want you. You carried her, gave birth to her and bonded with her the second she entered this world. You are her mother and i would exhert that dominance if it were my mil! (she pretends the baby is hers!!!! No way would i let that happen!) xx

Up until 18 months old DD was all about me, screamed if DH even tried to hold her when I wasn't in sight. She's 2.3 now and an independent soul. She still likes to her cuddles bit doesn't care which family member she has them with. I have never turned DD away if she wanted me, and I was physically there. She's changed as she's got older. It's perfectly natural.

Trifle have you had a child with separation anxiety before? Often it doesn't matter how well "socialised" they are, they still want just mummy.

Luckily you have a girl as it tends to be worse for boys. And even more luckily you have relatives you might be interested in helping you have some time out... Not sure how you encourage your baby to spend time with family members if they aren't around or interested?

Going against the grain here one of colleagues complained about her 10mth old at work for this.

MIL was there all the time caring for the children whilst she worked and so she only saw the children in the evening. She used to go ape and mention it all the time.

My baby is SO needy. It is ridiculous. My eldest wasnt like this. I cant even leave the room, he is crying for me, I have to take him with me if I leave the room. She had a proper rant.

I didnt say anything but I was on the inside.

She already left him with MIL all day. Is it really that annoying to have your baby be needy when you are actually there.

glad to see attitudes are healthier here.

My MIL is exactly like this! It does my head in!!

I got endless 'advice' with DD who had appalling separation anxiety from around 5 months till 2.5 years.

It was very tough for a while - she didn't even really like DH picking her up, and we couldn't go out without her as no-one would babysit as she could scream for 4 hours non-stop without any trouble at all and childcare places wouldn't take her because she couldn't be calmed down.

We even got professional advice at one point and they said that we needed to realise it was only a phase, to never push DD to be more independent if she didn't want to, not to pass her round and force her to be with others when she was hysterical and upset and to just reassure and be there for her.

I've lost count of how many people told me that I'd made a rod for my own back, that it was because we co-slept/breastfed past 6 months/used a sling/didn't want to share/delete as appropriate and that we'd be in real trouble if I went back to work or once she started school.

In fact, at a certain point DD just suddenly stopped. Since then she has been one of the more confident and independent children I know. Never once had tears at nursery or school unlike the children of certain relatives who were happy to be handed round like parcels as tiny things.

MIL sounds like she needs to get herself a puppy or something.

Does she pull this shit in front of DH? What does he say?

I would distance myself a bit to be honest, I really don't like it when GPs pretend the GC are theirs, and she sounds pretty bloody negative and draining. You need to be terribly busy when she wants to see you and limit it to times when DH is around, assuming he is supportive.

If she says these stupid things, pull her up on it. "Don't be silly MIL, she won't be at school for another 3/4 years." If anyone walked away with my baby when they were crying for me I would tell them to give the baby back immediately.

You need to be more assertive OP.

My 9yo DD was the most clingy baby out of the three and now she's the least and most outgoing. ...

She's also the most emotional though.

Totally normal and in fact just what you would expect.

Your MIL is perhaps jealous.

I see so many threads slagging MILS off on MN, are they seriously all trying to pinch your baby but your mums don't? Really? My MIL was batshit but she never tried to undermine me or make out my babies were hers, my mum wasn't quite as batshit and equally she never tried to take over, both mum's did it their way when they were in charge I did it my way when I was. I can't believe there are so many possessive interfering MIL but normal mum's out there.

So my batshit MIL gave them hotdogs for breakfast once and my war baby mum put sugar in their tea regularly but...

2 happy well adjusted adult children with good jobs and degrees with much love and respect for their nuts nanna and eccentric grandma. Oh and neither eat hotdogs or have sugar in their tea.

Overreaction much.

Totally normal, as others have pointed out this is when they realise they are a separate entity to u. I think another 4 years of life will sort that out, nothing to worry about!

Trifle Don't start doing that in the middle of the clingy stage. Put the time in with another adult before they reach that stage if it's so important to you.

Hmm. Thanks for the advice gone but my honest feeling is that clinginess of this nature is usually avoidable, so I don't intend to let it get to that stage.

Pug, obviously I'm not going to force others to take an interest. I have a large and supportive family. Lucky me.

This sounds exactly like my MIL. I have awful memories of my newborn DS screaming for me while MIL walked him away (on a number of occasions) and I sat there like a lump convincing myself that she knew best and not brave enough to challenge her.

Once DH and I became more confident/assertive as parents, DH would be very firm with her about returning DS to me when DS wanted me. MIL would still ignore him, though, and we would still have to go through the process of almost physically removing screaming DS from her.

My dm used to do this with my dd. Only a couple of times. It very quickly became that my dd would scream when my dm would come to the house. At family do's she would have to hide behind people so my dd couldn't see her. My dd is now grown up but until the day my dm died she remained uncomfortable in her company.