Another kids party thread - AIBU to let son NOT invite only 3 of the children in his year?

[Eatcakeandbreathe]

DS is at a small school, and has 2 year groups per class, so his class is made up of year 1 and year 2. Party will be at home, so I've set a limit of 16 children, and he wants to invite 11 from year 2 (there are 14 of them), 3 from year 1 (there are about 11 in year 1) and 2 from out of school.

I am worried that the 3 from his year will feel left out, although they won't be the only ones in the class not invited. I don't know whether I should persuade him to invite them. I had a chat with him about it, and he said he wouldn't be disappointed if he didn't get invited to their party, he isn't really friends with them. 2 are fairly new to the school, they started mid school year last year, and the other has SEN (DS says he can come if his Mum comes too, but then that would leave just 2 left out!).

DS did say "it's my party, I should be able to ask who I want" - it's not a whole class party, and I don't want to force him to have children he really doesn't like there, but it's such a small year group....

Myredrose I'm done. I apologised when I was wrong, because I didn't behave in a way which was decent or right.

I think Buck, to discuss another poster like you have been (me) and not addressing them directly, is not nice and behaviour which in real life would be bullying.

I don't really mind too much but it was getting a little childish. I am very happy to carry on discussing with you.

Aye that was fine and I tried to explain why I had got in to that situation and why I shouldn't have.

I them didn't interact with you further and you started making digs at me

Myredrose think Buck, to discuss another poster like you have been (me) and not addressing them directly, is not nice and behaviour which in real life would be bullying.

Apologies, but I didn't know you were the person who was name called until just up thread where you discussed it with Aye. Apologies, but I also don't have time to go back overnight to check these facts. I just know that I didn't think it was that bad considering what was said. Now please note, I'm not saying name calling is good, just that in the heat of the moment with all the emotions flying around, it could have been a lot worse.

Definitely not bullying just not being considerate (or caring) enough to name check. Something for which I think I have apologised twice now.

*Today 10:55 zzzzz

Person first or dx owning terminology is entirely at the discretion of the individual. For example I would describe a child as "having ASD" but am baffled that anyone would take offence at "is autistic".*

For me, personally, I wouldn't refer to DS as autistic because I feel that statement is very defining, and there's so much more to him than autism. That's not to say I'm right, it's a personal choice. He is a lot of things, not just one word.

In conclusion:
To the OP sorry for hijacking your thread. My thoughts do what your kid wants. Invite the other two for playdates and speak with the parent of the child your son doesn't get on with to see if or how they can get on going forward.

I would never distress my child at their birthday party by having someone there they don't like. I invited 20 to my house in the hope that 5 wouldn't show up (that's how it happens), In the end I had 16 (including an older sibling who was not invited - but that's another issue)

zzzzz I get where you're coming from, I don't get offended by people referring to my son as autistic, I just explain why I don't. I would be heartily pissed off if someone called him an SEN kid though. I guess terminology is just a personal thing, which is fine (obviously if it's offensive that's different)

I just tend to give them a death stare and a very raised eyebrow. Funnily enough they usually get the point

Slurry eye 😂 A new MN Classic?

My son has SEN and is often left out in this way. I'd say you were BVU but I wouldn't actually want to come to a party hosted by someone who thinks that this is an ok way to behave towards small children with or without a disability.

zzzzz thanks, I really needed a lighthearted chuckle after this morning! Is avocado really as good as it's made out to be on here? My only experience of avocado is limited to guacamole I'm afraid

Fuck sorry typos again

&,pp I was objecting to 'is Austic spectrum disorder', it's not offensive -objecting doesteo necessarily mean offended - but it adds to the problem of only seeing a kid as their disability & not valuing them as a person first, imo, as some who lives with disabilities and parents children with disabilities.

Or actually it is offensive to refer to anyone as is autistic spectrum disorder, but I wasn't offended.

I see asd as a pretty positive thing also, I see my adhd as v positive, and a huge part of who I am as a person. But there's still so much more to me than that. And my children are so much more than their disabilities also.

MonaTheTiredVampire I completely agree with your points about not being defined by, or wanting your children to be defined by your diagnoses. It's what I've been trying to say all along. Yes DS1 has autism, and probably DS2, but they're so much more than that. It's part of who they are, and needs to be accounted for, but it's not everything that they are.

A8Mint - why didn't you prevent him ruining the party?

It was in a leisure centre with a huge bouncy thing like a soft play. I let him on for a few minutes and after that had to spend the whole party keeping him physically separated from the other kids who he had frightened , whilst the leisure centre staff/DH ran all the activities so I didn't get any time to focus on my own DC at all.I had to supervise this thug all the time.

Just had this chat with my Y1 DD.

She wants a party that has a max of 16. I suggested just inviting all of the girls. She now wants to not invite 3 girls and invite 3 boys instead. I've said no way. She can choose a different party and invite the whole class or just the girls. I think R / Y1 / Y2 are a bit a young to be picking and choosing.

The boy with Down's is not being excluded because of his special needs, he is being excluded because he is nasty to the OPs son.

If the sn didn't come into this, why mention it op?
My son has been called a baby probably a dozen times at least.Do I think they are all horrid nasty children? No I think they are young children who just need telling it is unkind.