Another kids party thread - AIBU to let son NOT invite only 3 of the children in his year?

[Eatcakeandbreathe]

DS is at a small school, and has 2 year groups per class, so his class is made up of year 1 and year 2. Party will be at home, so I've set a limit of 16 children, and he wants to invite 11 from year 2 (there are 14 of them), 3 from year 1 (there are about 11 in year 1) and 2 from out of school.

I am worried that the 3 from his year will feel left out, although they won't be the only ones in the class not invited. I don't know whether I should persuade him to invite them. I had a chat with him about it, and he said he wouldn't be disappointed if he didn't get invited to their party, he isn't really friends with them. 2 are fairly new to the school, they started mid school year last year, and the other has SEN (DS says he can come if his Mum comes too, but then that would leave just 2 left out!).

DS did say "it's my party, I should be able to ask who I want" - it's not a whole class party, and I don't want to force him to have children he really doesn't like there, but it's such a small year group....

Lot of ifs and assumptions in the last post, I can't watch anymore

So the op has been treated like an "outcast". How ironic.

*Clapping emoji to Haddock

So in life you go out of your way to include everyone in plans you've made do you? People you don't get on with or who wind you up? No, I'm pretty sure you don't.

Yes, I apply the same rules to my life

If I wanna hang out with some work friends but not others, I make quiet arrangements just with them and don't then invite most of the rest of the office and chat about how fun it's going to be on front of the one or two who haven't been invited.

I wouldn't arrange a big night out with all the NCT mums bar one, but I do see the ones I click with more than others on a 1:1 basis

Don't most decent people behave this way?

Got as far as page 2 and there is a question I want to ask before I read any further.

Your ds and the child with down syndrome rub each other up the wrong way, because of this you don't want to invite a child with SEN, what is your son doing to rub this child up the wrong way?

If it's 6 of one and half a dozen of the other both you and your son are being unreasonable.

I think it is unbelievably unkind to not invite just 3 from his year. The fact that you even came on here to ask that question is shocking.

I also don't expect OP will be back on this thread as people like her like to do as they please without hearing any criticism

Such a sad post. My son is autistic, he's in high school now but in all his years of primary school he was NEVER invited to a single party, he was always the one left out because he was different and it broke his and my heart at the time. I can't believe your even asking if it's ok for your son to do this!

I think that is one of the problems, a child and parent make individual choices but the children who are not included have to deal with the cumulative impact of all these individual decisions. Similar to when you see on social media the local community stepping in at children's birthday parties when no class mates have turned up. Individual decisions but grouped together leave children heartbroken.

Catchingbabies that's my experience too and it's so, so hurtful.

People can be heartless, and they either don't give a shit or don't think they're doing anything wrong. Makes me despair.

FWIW, I've never met a six-year-old with DS who was capable of or interested in being intentionally mean

This is my experience of children and people with Downs Syndrome too.

The OP did recognise her mistake ages ago, so we should not continue to pile into her. And I must say it is lovely to see how many people understand that our duty as parents is to teach our children empathy.

Do smaller numbers. Good friends and family only. Then you won't have to justify why you don't want to invite x, y, z.

my dd has sen we always invited all class but 4 years of no party invites back it hurt

Same nanny, except the one year we invited the whole class to his party, 1 child came. The new child that was being left out herself. Luckily we had family children there also.

The year after even that 1 child didn't come and we stopped issuing school invites.

The mantra:

It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.

Man up OP. Your son is a small child -ultimately you are in charge of this party. Don't discuss with him TELL him he can't exclude three and explain exactly why. Ask him how he would feel if the whole class had a party without him. Clue: awful.

It's really not on trying to manipulate your child into inviting kids he might not even like. You've gave him a choice it's his birthday simple

When you say 'manipulating your child into inviting kids he might not even like'.....what you really mean is teaching your child to be tolerant, inclusive and kind.

And it is on.

Really shocked at some of the views on this thread. No wonder there are so many arseholes in this world

So she does being tolerant and inclusive end, and being a doormat begib

"Where" not "she"

So having empathy makes one end up being a doormat?

I would invite the extra 3. There are bound to be those who can't make it.

I still remember my Mum explaining to me why I couldn't not invite 1 member of my class out of 13 to my party at a similar age because I found him annoying, an important lesson I think. He came and later on we became quite good friends.