Another kids party thread - AIBU to let son NOT invite only 3 of the children in his year?

[Eatcakeandbreathe]

DS is at a small school, and has 2 year groups per class, so his class is made up of year 1 and year 2. Party will be at home, so I've set a limit of 16 children, and he wants to invite 11 from year 2 (there are 14 of them), 3 from year 1 (there are about 11 in year 1) and 2 from out of school.

I am worried that the 3 from his year will feel left out, although they won't be the only ones in the class not invited. I don't know whether I should persuade him to invite them. I had a chat with him about it, and he said he wouldn't be disappointed if he didn't get invited to their party, he isn't really friends with them. 2 are fairly new to the school, they started mid school year last year, and the other has SEN (DS says he can come if his Mum comes too, but then that would leave just 2 left out!).

DS did say "it's my party, I should be able to ask who I want" - it's not a whole class party, and I don't want to force him to have children he really doesn't like there, but it's such a small year group....

[RhiWrites]

Either this is a reverse or you've made a horrible mistake posting here, OP. Mumsnet is extremely any party exclusion for anything other than bullying and even then there seems to be a grey area.

Assuming this is on the level I'd say that the party sounds really large for his age. Either scale it back so the number of guests is closer to his birthday age or invite the extra 3.

If this is a reverse and you're the parent of the child with Downs then I'm sorry. These things happen but it's upsetting when it's your child and you suspect the reason is their SEN.

[FoundNeverland]

OK Sandy - so you think it's acceptable to exclude a 6 year old with Down's. And two children who are new and finding their feet. Lovely sentiment.

Thank God my daughter's new school which she joined in the second team of year 6 wasn't like this. I dread to think what it would have done to her personailty and self-confidence to have been excluded like that.

Instead everyone was lovely and welcoming and she was invited to all class parties.

What are some people teaching their children?!

[monkeywithacowface]

Well having seen a thread about cake and lunchbox snacks get deleted in the last few days So i'll be rather astounded if this stays. This is only going one way so let's save people the upset of reading the inevitable disabilist shite that shall follow and take it down.

[Waltermittythesequel]

You really can't fit three more?

[FoundNeverland]

Still can't believe what you are suggesting Y2K. Have you read all posts? If you have you need to take a look at yourself! Abhorrent suggestion. Let's exclude all newcomers and a 6 year old with Down's! Lovely.

[DillyDilly]

How horrible of you and your DS. Inviting all from his year, except three and inviting three from the other year.

I suspect you know well what you're doing is unkind.

[maldini]

I understand your son with regards to one of the boys who he doesn't want to invite, I actually got pushed and called names in a similar situation and I don't think you should have to invite people who make you feel like that regardless.

[MrsBobDylan]

Yabu and I think you know it, hence why you've posted here.

Either invite fewer children (any more than 10 at a home party will be utter chaos anyway) or find space for the other three.

[Passmethecrisps]

Of course a child shouldn't be unhappy at their own party. Of course not. But the question here is why he would be unhappy and how a compromise could be made.

the uninvited children are not habitually bullying or making life unpleasant. They are new and different. New and different can be fun and exciting and given that this is their only crime I really feel that UBS merits a discussion with you as parent, op where you tell your child that you will find space for three more OR the party is at least halved in size

[IhatchedaSnorlax]

Assuming the Op is genuine, I think she's getting a very hard time. Her DS is old enough to know who he is friends with & who he wants at his party & he's inviting approx half the class. It's not a whole class party at all & the year group situation is misleading.

I also think that just because a child has SEN doesn't mean they should be invited if they are mean. My 8 year old has been so upset by a boy in his class constantly calling him names (stupid / baby etc) & whilst I don't know if he has SEN, I believe that he may have, however I most definitely wouldn't invite him to my sons party as he has upset him so much & really knocked his confidence.

[hazeyjane]

Well ds who is disabled has been invited to one whole class party in the 3 years he has been at school, so it doesn't surprise me. In fact the only children who consistently don't get invited are him and 2 other boys (so that would be the 2 with genetic conditions and 1 with autism....no theme there).

I often see Facebook photos from another school mum of the endless class parties......it stinks really.

[Passmethecrisps]

UBS? Sorry - that should read "this"

[BigChocFrenzy]

Dleiberately not inviting a DC with SEN needs a much stronger reason (e.g. bullying) than your "rub each other up the wrong way".
Also, the new kids only crime seems to be they are new so I doubt if the lad with Downs has really been "unkind" as such.
Your DS would be the unkind one if he excludes those who he doesn't find interesting enough.

I was the kid with SEN and the only non-white kid in the school. I never got a single invitation; never made friends at school.
My schooldays were the most miserable time of my life. Utterly horrible every day.

Don't make these 3 kids miserable.

[misson]

just

Seriously op. Time for a life lesson. For both of you. You can't leave out the 2 new kids and a sn child.

This isn't a 'mn thing'. It's just basic decency.

[Mozfan1]

hazey reading your post broke my heart, that is so so awful. Do the parents organising the parties think these children won't realise they are being left out?!

This thread is awful and so sad, please take it down. Op YABU.

[crje]

Three is too few to leave out.
Invite less or invite them all.

Whatever your reasons it looks bad for you if it's only the two new & one Sen boys not invited.

[SandyY2K]

OK Sandy - so you think it's acceptable to exclude a 6 year old with Down's. And two children who are new and finding their feet. Lovely sentiment.

I'd like to have the new kids, but that just leaves the SEN child. Which looks worse. Like I said, I used to have new kids over for playdates as a welcome.

He can decide who attends his party. My children have been excluded from parties and I wasn't fussed. Even when a reference was made to colour. I told my DD the girl wasn't obligated to invite her. I just made sure he never got an invite in the future.

Why would I have my child being called a baby by another child and getting upset, at his own birthday party.

That the child upsetting my child has downs isn't the issue. My child being upset is the issue.

The OPs son has chosen 3 others he wants to invite from outside of school.

[FluffyPineapple]

Honestly I think you need to invite everyone from your DS year group, especially as you are invited a large group of children. Having SEN or being new to the school shouldn't mean they should be excluded. Your son is young. You should know better and lead the way. You cannot exclude 3 children from his year group for the most spurious of reasons.

[FoundNeverland]

Ihatched - the child with SEN has Down's (as clearly you haven't read the thread). Seriously you would encourage your 6 year old to exclude this child?! Honestly? It's no wonder that people with disabilities have such issues with integration if they are discriminated against at the age of 6.

What a horrible society we live in .

[SirChenjin]

Exactly why did you bother posting on MN when you're obviously determined to allow your son to invite and exclude who he wants?

[IhatchedaSnorlax]

Found, I wouldn't encourage my child to exclude anyone but if he said he didn't want to invite X because he was mean & upset him, then I certainly wouldn't insist that X was invited - SEN or not - especially when it's a party at home where my child should feel safe & happy.

It's not a whole class party, it's inviting circa 50%, the year group thing is misleading IMO.

[ocelot7]

Primary kids are not really capable of seeing the wider implications so you need to be the parent & guide them. Probably best to identify a few close friends otherwise so horrible to leave 3 kids out. I wouldn't have let my son do that.

And Sandy learned attitudes like that of the girl in yr DDs class do need to be challenged - I can understand you might have felt awkward to intervene but something has to be done. Many years ago a kid in my sons small nursery room started saying 'we don't like black people' & others repeated it. I was appalled not least because 2 of the kids were black. Clearly kids pick this up from somewhere, they are not born racist, If they are getting that indoctrination at home it needs to be challenged somewhere eg in public spaces

[FoundNeverland]

Y2K - if it's possible you get even worse. You'd be happy to invite the new children but not the one with SEN!!

You are an awful person. Hopefully a troll as I'd like to think that people with views such as yours don't exist.

[1frenchfoodie]

He is inviting 14 of the 25 in his class, surely not the crime of the century.