Another kids party thread - AIBU to let son NOT invite only 3 of the children in his year?

[Eatcakeandbreathe]

DS is at a small school, and has 2 year groups per class, so his class is made up of year 1 and year 2. Party will be at home, so I've set a limit of 16 children, and he wants to invite 11 from year 2 (there are 14 of them), 3 from year 1 (there are about 11 in year 1) and 2 from out of school.

I am worried that the 3 from his year will feel left out, although they won't be the only ones in the class not invited. I don't know whether I should persuade him to invite them. I had a chat with him about it, and he said he wouldn't be disappointed if he didn't get invited to their party, he isn't really friends with them. 2 are fairly new to the school, they started mid school year last year, and the other has SEN (DS says he can come if his Mum comes too, but then that would leave just 2 left out!).

DS did say "it's my party, I should be able to ask who I want" - it's not a whole class party, and I don't want to force him to have children he really doesn't like there, but it's such a small year group....

They didn't come up on mine? I stand corrected, and for the record abhor UKIP and everything they claim to stand for. They're the BNP in more expensive suits.

Very poor form and petty to advance search posters and bring up things totally irrelevant to the current thread.

I was waiting for that More, it's always 'poor form' when it doesn't support your view.
I remember the thread- if you read the comments back, I was accused of making it up.
It's absolutely relevant when the poster brought their colour in to the discussion to use as leverage for their argument.

If any of it is true that is.

How does a vote to BREXIT constitute racism? I'm not a UKIP supporter.

Like Mark Twain said. You can't argue with stupid.

It's gone from not inviting some kids to UKIP.

I'm done.

Meh, you can delete it MN but I am tired of people trolling this site and telling lies under name changes, especially on threads like this.

This is the comment that you're getting "UKIP supporter" from? Seriously? Because it's the only comment from Sandy on that whole thread. You do know that the biggest campaigners in the Leave camp were Tories. For the record I voted to remain, before you suddenly decide I'm a closest racist based on defending someone from your ridiculous slurs based on a completely innocent comment. I'm stopping replies now, because it's clear you're picking and choosing what you choose to be indignant about, while accusing someone of being a UKIP supporter based on an innocuous comment on an emotive thread. There literally is no point trying to reason with someone who is so concentrated on being angry and a martyr that they cannot see the bigger picture.

Closet not closest.

I am not angry or a martyr , just because I don't agree with you.

Aye, ok then 😂

Lots of other people don't agree with you either- you can ignore me and respond to them.

Who has name changed? And you're the one telling lies, making accusations and sounding more and more unhinged by the minute.

In the first post op said the kids weren't invited because two were new and one had sen.

Later she said the boy with ds had called her son a baby. She has never said he was violent or that he buplied her son, just that they rub each other up the wrong way.

What 6 year old son, with sen or not, have never rubbed each other up the wrong way or called the old relatively tame name? Kids are rarely all mean or all nice, there is lots of teasing that happens between little ones who are trying to work out social ruses and social politics. Parents need to guide them, not use the reason of the odd instance of name calling to hold a grudge.

I have a grudge holder, as part of her disabilities she doesn't under stand social rules and is very over senative so once a kid upsets her she holds fear of them with her. It's my job to help her understand that other kids make mistakes and say things they don't mean, as does she, and that relationships can be rebuilt. If a child was actively bullying her I wouldn't push her to forgive them, even if their own sen maybe behind some of those actions, mainly because her own disabilities make it much harder to understand that other children's motivations. Maybe in time we can work on this, maybe not. So I wouldn't go out of my way to include a child with disabilities who hurt her, but then we have only ever invited a max of 6 kids out of a large class, along with a few out of school friends, again because of her own disabilities. But a kid just calling the odd name? Well most 6 years olds do that at some point and needs taught the social skills to tell them to stop because it hurts & learn to move past ut. Maybe this boy was name calling because ops ds was leaving him out, often kids lash out because they feel hurt or left out by others. And let's not forget that children and adults with disabilities are much more likely to be the vicrimson of bullying and abuse not the victims, teaching our children tolerance should be a proactive thing.

And I agree with others, it's not sen kid or asd kid- child with sen, with asd, with disabilities. The child is a person first and formost and their disabilities are secondary to who they are and the equal value they have.

Well said Mona

Fuck all the typos sorry

how many times are you going to stamp your feet and say that you are not responding because I am 'unhinged' etc (for not agreeing with you'?
Then you respond?

Just reply to the other posters who don't agree with you- maybe they are unhinged too?

My accusation is relevant (to me) because your cheerleader brought her colour in to the discussion to support her exclusion argument.
I made a flippant comment about your UKIP supporting friend and it snowballed as he/she said she had no interest in politics.

You accused me of making this up and I showed that she posted on two political threads about Brexit.

So yes, I probably shouldn't have made the flippant comment but given that UKIP were behind Brexit...

Sorry Mona, I should have left it on your much better post. I completely agree, much more likely to be left out.

Fuck those typos are really really bad, I hope it still makes sense.

BTW my kids who have disabilities have a best friend wit has different disabilities, the often have more compassion not less, and we encourage more understanding, but at this young age I would accept if my girl couldn't get past her fear of another kid because her disabilities make it tough to do so. And if we ever didn't invite a child who bullied them (sen or not) we wouldn't leave out only three, we would only invite a few children so over half of the class not invited.

I apologise for calling you unhinged, it was uncalled for and childish and I'm sorry. The rest of it, not so much. Sandy brought her daughter into it as an example of exclusion based on bigotry, it's the only reason it was brought up.
I couldn't find it in the search (because I searched for the word UKIP and Sandy's username). When you showed the thread I responded that I stand corrected.
I have responded to other posters who don't agree with me.
Yes UKIP were behind Brexit, they are vile and disgusting. However that doesn't mean that every single person who voted to Leave is automatically racist which is what Sandy was saying. Just like every kid who doesn't get along with another kid isn't a bully or excluding them. Looking for slights and seeing them when they aren't there makes everyone's lives harder. I have said repeatedly than anyone excluding a child purely based on the fact they have SEN is wrong and being disablist. I don't know how many more time I can say it. It doesn't mean that everyone who doesn't invite a kid to a party is doing it for that reason!

The op name changed.

This thread is vile. Really, to not invite (from an entire year) two new kids and a kid with SEN. Just read that back to yourself OP. Think of how it sounds out loud. I honestly can't understand how you can allow your son to 'choose' when his choice is so nasty. That's your job isn't it, as a parent? Otherwise our kids would never share, they'd eat sweets for breakfast, and watch cartooons instead of doing homework - we are the parents, and as such are supposed to guide them to make the correct choices. I would be very disappointed in my son if he behaved like this... and yes, he's the same age.

Thanks : )

Glad grammar police arn't about

honkinghaddock thanks, I wasn't sure who had name changed.

I understand about your son only wanting who he wants at his party.

I also understand the lovely Ayeok comment about not including children just because they have additional needs. However in a party this size-I don't agree with it.

The 3 children have, this year at least been marginalised through no fault of their own and I think it would be kind to go that extra mile and invite them.
For those saying they won't know - bollocks. Kids always talk about how good parties/events were.

My DS was told anything over 10 kids and he invites the whole class or no one.
He had a bad time with one child last year as did all of the kids but I still invite him. His parents never RSVP anyway and he never comes, but I would never exclude him. I've taught my child to understand why.

The little boy who has Downs has many reasons for acting in the manner he does.
Have you spoken to your child about this in detail to educate him? Or simply told him 'he's different'

Kids take in a lot more than you think, teach them why other children struggle, not just that they do.