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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a very personal question?

416 replies

Mrsemcgregor · 12/10/2016 16:36

I am talking pubic hair. What does everyone do with it? I hate mine (especially as I get older it's getting wilder!) but what I hate more is bumpy itchy red skin whenever I try to tackle it. However I seem to be under the impression that most women are smooth and basically hairless down there and I must seem like some sort of cave woman or 70s porn star in comparison.

My husband hasn't mentioned that he minds at all...but maybe he does?

And if everyone is hairless and neat down there please please tell me how to do it without hideous rashes!!!

OP posts:
ilovechocolate07 · 14/10/2016 11:12

I occasionally trim and neaten up the edges by shaving but I always rash. If I'm going on a beach holiday I wax so it lasts a bit longer but I still get a rash at some point. I think I'm just destined to have ingrown hair and rashes as it happens with my legs too whether I shave or wax and I've tried all of the tricks in the book.

handslikecowstits · 14/10/2016 11:41

I have incredibly thick hair that appears to be rooted into my skeletal system. Shaving=stubble within hours. Immac =my hair laughing heartily and zero effect. Waxing=blood everywhere and regrowth in days. Yes, even professional waxing. With hard wax. My hair is like Kevlar wire

This is me! Veet doesn't work and the one time I did have a wax, the beautician had to lean on me with all her weight when she ripped the fabric thingies off. Never again.

If I'm feeling energetic, I'll give my pubes a trim. Otherwise I just leave them. I actually quite like coming through them when I watching the telly.

handslikecowstits · 14/10/2016 11:43

combing not coming, although I do that too obvs. Blush

TheHubblesWindscreenWipers · 14/10/2016 11:51

Seriously though. Immac... I mean it just doesn't work at all

I've tried it a few times on my legs and left it on for 3-4x as long as it says on the pack and it does *nowt.^

Julju · 14/10/2016 11:57

Haven't read a lot of the thread so not sure if it's been mentioned already but it might be worth investing in an IPL machine if you want to go down the hair removal route. You can shave and then use the IPL to slow the regrowth of the hair and make it might lighter. It can stop the hair growing entirely if you're lucky.

PollyPerky · 14/10/2016 11:57

It IS a fashion though to remove it. Those of you who say you 'prefer it' shaved off, the question is what ever made you decide to? I mean when you were 12 or 13 and it was there, did you think 'Ah, one day I will shave this off'????

If you were old like me, and never knew anyone who shaved it when you were in your teens, twenties or thirties, , didn't see porn (except for the centrefold of Penthouse mag) then you would not even dream of doing it.

It HAS come about by internet porn and its promotion by beauticians.

Okay there may have been the odd exception over the decades but it wasn't the norm.

I am old enough to to remember women saying they felt humiliated and de-feminised by the obligatory shaving before childbirth. Done on the basis of hygiene(which is now disproved) but really to de-sexualise them in front of medics. A shave and an enema was standard in the delivery room and it was forced on mothers.

To say otherwise is ignoring what's clearly obvious.

YuckYuckEwwww · 14/10/2016 12:42

We don't make our decisions in a vacuum, our environment affects our choices

Mistykit · 14/10/2016 13:13

I got crabs from a guy I was dating about 20 years ago Polly. That's why I decided to shave.. made it easier to get rid of the little bastards. I realised then that I preferred it shaved. It wasn't the fashion at the time, so don't generalise everyone.

PollyPerky · 14/10/2016 13:19

I didn't generalise misty- see my post. I said there would be some exceptions. Clearly it wasn't the fashion- you've said so yourself- and you got rid of yours for medical reasons. And you are talking of only 20 years ago. I'm going back 50 or more.

YuckYuckEwwww · 14/10/2016 13:25

It was beginning to come into fashion 20 years ago! brazillians were already in fashion then so it's not much of a leap to totally bare

being "mumsnet" not "teensnet", something that only came into fashion in the last 20 years is a "recent trend"

RiverTam · 14/10/2016 13:39

Misty yet again, your individual experience doesn't detract from the fact that being hairless has become the norm in recent years. It wasn't the norm when you started, no, though Brazilians were a thing then.

It's impossible to have any kind of a debate with people when they won't see past their own experiences into the wider world. It's very narcissistic, and very frustrating!

Mistykit · 14/10/2016 13:48

Oh dear... my point was that it's not necessarily a "fashion". I'm sure for many it started out as "fashion", perhaps curiosity even; however i don't believe that many continue to do it for those reasons and if someone says they prefer it.. it's probably because they actually prefer it. At the end of the day who gives a f£ck why someone else is doing whatever to their own bits.. why judge

YuckYuckEwwww · 14/10/2016 13:58

How is this so hard to understand. I'll try to type slowely…

… if something is happening as a trend, there is usually a reason why, and that reason is what is "judged", not the individuals taking part in the trend

Mistykit · 14/10/2016 14:08

What do you think the reason is then? Do you think it's only fashion?

Idratherbeaunicorn · 14/10/2016 14:20

Personally whenever I used to go bald I thought "it" looked like an uncooked chicken... now I just use a trimmer when it gets a bit out of hand... but tbf, being 29 weeks pregnant, its getting harder to see what is actually going on down there, so currently I'm not fussed!

RiverTam · 14/10/2016 14:31

Misty I've posted a load up thread, so not going to post an essay again, you'll be relived to hear, but it think it is down to porn. That is not to say (I'll spell this out) that I think every woman on the planet who has no pubic hair has done so because of porn. I think that that is what is driving the current 'trend'. And like any trend that comes from porn, I don't think it's a good thing.

MomOfTwins2 · 14/10/2016 14:38

I'm a photographer that specialises in art nudes, and the pubes I see are all shaven. That's the nature of the modelling industry. However, there are plenty of nude models out there who refuse to shave it all off, and they still get plenty of work.

As for myself - I tried trimming it once, and it was so itchy against my knickers that I decided NEVER AGAIN! Judging by the shaving rash I get in my armpits every single time I shave (and I'm in my 40s), doesn't bode well for me shaving downstairs. I'm a natural woman Grin.

Mistykit · 14/10/2016 14:53

My question was aimed at Yuck, River.

However, you made a good point re porn. Do you think that the trend, which apparently started 20 odd years ago (I say apparently only because I was too young then to know it was a trend), still continues only because of porn or that porn was the instigation but it continues for various reasons?

I do find it hard to believe that the majority of those who prefer to have no pubic hair are weak enough to be so influenced by porn / encouragement from partners etc

PollyPerky · 14/10/2016 15:30

I don't regard people who follow a trend as being 'weak'. It's about what is perceived as socially acceptable. As humans, we are social animals and on the whole like to conform. There are many very subtle forces all around us which push our behaviour in certain directions. Whether that's following a trend for skinny jeans and not bootlegs or whatever.

It's not that long ago that armpit hair, on display in summer clothes, on women, was okay-ish and acceptable for a good number of women. (I'm talking maybe 60-80 years ago. ) In some parts of Europe it's still 'ok'. Nowadays if a sleb sports armpit hair, it's all over the front of the Daily Fail.

And pubes have gone (literally) the same way. In the past no one would know what women did because the only way you'd see would be in an art gallery or a lads' mag. Or in the shower, with other women.

Now there is porn , easily available on the web and a phone, and for effect, the stars shave it off. Young boys of 12+ who are watching porn think that shaven pubes are the norm. This in turn creates pressure on young girls to conform.

The pressure now, imo, is to shave because this is what young men /boys see as the default setting.

When I've told my DH that, according to MN, some men shave he was astounded. He's never seen a shaved man (in the gym) and thinks the idea is grotesque. He's early 60s.

So imo it's definitely a young person's thing and by young I mean people 40 and under. Yes of course there will be posters here in their 50s and 60s who say they shave but they are IME a minority and bucked the trend of their peers.

Mistykit · 14/10/2016 15:59

As I said I find it hard to believe that women are weak to be so influenced by porn 20 years after the trend started.

Following tends re clothes is harmless fun but to be so heavily influenced by porn is something else altogether. Personally, I believe that many women shave because they simply prefer it. The trend may have been instigated by porn (I'm sure there is some research out there rather than just our opinions), but I don't believe it continues because of it or expectations.

robusttoday · 14/10/2016 16:43

bikini line sorted permanently with IPL. the rest gets a gentle trim occassionally

PollyPerky · 14/10/2016 16:49

I don't know why you don't believe it. I do!

It's more subtle than that what you are saying.
It's not a case of women being influenced by porn in a simplistic 2+2 =4 scenario. IMo and it's only an opinion, it's the slow but sure expectation that it's 'good' to get rid of it.

Look at swimwear- the legs are cut so high that any woman would have to remove a good section at the sides if she didn't want it on show. Years ago, swimsuits (and bikinis) had decent coverage. You only needed to remove a few stragglers.

Then there are waxing salons etc. When I first had my legs waxed in the early 1980s there was no such things as Hollywoods and Brazilians on offer- a bikini wax was, and that involved wearing paper knickers and having the sides trimmed a bit.

The whole industry has grown so that women now feel some need imo to have it all off and even their bum holes done.

In the past the only women who'd 'bother' would be exotic dancers/ strippers who wanted to look tidier, or porn stars more recently.

We see so many images of women in the media whether it's on TV, the web, magazines etc where they are hairless that it's become the norm for younger women.

I think you underestimate the subtle messages that are given out .

JAPAB · 14/10/2016 17:39

and if someone says they prefer it.. it's probably because they actually prefer it.

And for all the talk of what porn influences, what influences porn? There is usually a reason why the things popular in porn became popular in the first place. Some of the studios could on a whim start producing stuff where the performers are wearing clown makeup but this would never be likely to take off. It would not become popular in porn, it would not lead to many of the people who see it there asking their partners if they would wear clown makeup in bed, or in any shape or form contribute to an eventual "norm" of people doing this.

I suspect that it would be an experiment that quickly dies out as fundamentally to most it just wouldn't be a turn on or look better. Whereas plenty of people, male and female, do prefer the look and feel of crotch areas that have had at least partial hair removal. And of course "hairy" still exists as a niche in porn. If they found that becoming "over sunscribed" back up in appearance in porn pubic hair would go.

But I agree that if someone says they like or prefer it then the default is they actually do, irrespective of what caused the notion to enter their consciousness in the first place.

RiverTam · 14/10/2016 17:42

Children are gaining access to online porn younger and younger. I think its hugely damaging in many many ways, this is probably one of the more benign sides of it, tbh.

Have a you ever read a thread on MN where someone in their 40s, coming out of a LTR, goes back on the dating scene? It seems that the sex single men expect is a very different kettle of fish these days than 20 years ago, and interestingly in those threads, where many women have had similar experiences, the influence of porn is usually agreed on. But on these threads it's resisted. Maybe women are fine with seeing that men's behaviour can be influenced by porn but don't want to see the same in themselves.

Pisssssedofff · 14/10/2016 17:56

I think men think the expectation is on them too due to porn and when you both have a bit of a laugh about it over a bacon sandwich in bed you realise actually neither of you likes what the porn producers say we should be doing and both breathe a sigh of relief