Invited to a wedding, can't bring DD... :( AIBU to tell her it's her coming too or I won't be there?

[FireplacePick]

DD is only 9 months, she's our only child.

I do often leave DD with my mum (when I'm at work for a couple of hours) and I'm fine with it.

DH can't come to the wedding anyway, as he is working away. It's in a different country (the wedding) but not exactly far, but need to go on a plane. It's my best friend, so I'd rather not miss it, she is like my sister. No children are allowed... it clearly says on the invite. There's a massive apology that babies and small children cannot attend. I'm assume a few teens will be there (she has a lot of family that are about 12+). Of course it's her wedding and she can invite who she likes, but I don't think I'm happy to leave DD with my mum for 4 days and nights... 1) not sure it's fair on my mum 2) I don't particularly want to leave her for that long on her own, as she definitely can't settle properly (at night) without me

I literally feel so sick.

People are saying speak to the bride because in normal real life friends talk to each other and brides remain human beings who can talk about things without freaking out.

The bride may well explain exactly why it's impossible or ..as I did..she may say ok no problem if it's that tricky then please bring the baby.

Quite, Lt Eve.

exLtEve I posted here tonight (first time in AIBU) because I was so taken aback by the Mexican wave of unpleasantness aimed so quickly at the OP!

wholeheartedly believe that if the first few posts had been supportive, so would the majority of them.

Perhaps of the OP hadn't said "AIBU to tell her it's her coming too or I won't be there" as well as a huge drip feed, replies would have been more supportive?

There's really no need to insult posters, none at all.

The OP is long gone due to the unbelievably cultish responses she's has on this thread.

Give it up.

MN at its utter worst. Why do people feel the need to respond like this?

I fully understand why the op is so upset. It's a realisation that you're not quite as important to your friend as you think you are.

When I got married, I wanted my BFs there. If they could only have come if they could bring a goat and a flock of geese with them then that would have been fine. As long as they were there, that was the most important thing. (I'd just have to look into rent-a-farmer for the night).

I can't take my mum because she's fucking terminally ill, happy now? She can't get a fit to fly. Now I'm fucking off.

Really sorry to hear about your mum, but are you absolutely certain she cannot fly? I took my dad abroad 6 weeks before he died.

Now we've ruled your mum out, where is the child's dad? Why can't he have her overnight? Or why can't your mum have your dd in the U.K. (Presuming that she's well enough?)

FFS people

Reading the fucking thread!!! Or at least OP's replies.

You keep telling her to take her mum with her, her mother is terminally ill and can't fly.

Read the fucking thread.

OP you can't have a conversation here and talk things through without some posters being cunts. MN is the very last place I would go to for advice like this these days.

Lot of Bridezillas on this thread

Just don't go op. If you aren't comfortable leaving your baby (which is absolutely normal and fine) it's perfectly reasonable for you to decline.

The OP has already explained in her OP that her baby's father is working away .

The OP is long gone due to the unbelievably cultish responses she's has on this thread

What on earth is cultish about the fact that most people agree that you shouldn't try and guilt trip your friends over a CF wedding?

A wedding is no place for a nine month old. They need entertaining all the time and certainly won't sit in a pushchair all day. Id offer my apologies and hope she has a good day

So many twats on MN now.

So many hard nosed bastards who lack empathy and seem to take delight in it.

I picture them frothing at the mouth, furiously refreshing the page waiting for someone to post something they can get their teeth into.

My mum was at the fact that a child free wedding is even a thing these days

Why is it too hard for posters to say "No OP, it's a child free wedding so you need to either find child care or send your apologies. It's a shame if you feel sad that you are unable to go, but that's the way it has to be"

Oh look, I've managed to be polite, supportive AND disagree with the OP without being a wanker. Fancy that.

Wow just got back onto this thread. To be fair most people did point out it was a child free wedding so she couldn't take her child so make your choice.

Think there's been some nasty posts but then op did a huge drip feed which is always annoying on any topic.

i honestly don't get why anyone anywhere wants to take small children to weddings. It's insane.

I don't think anyone has been overly bitchy or critical. OP's question was an ultimatum and only later did she drip feed massive amounts of information. Sorry, but reading that question back, she still seems entitled - the whole idea that her presence is so important that she can issue an ultimatum regarding her attendance really irritated me.

Rozdeek

Why is your mum unable to see that some people have lives outside of their kids and want to have some fun without them? I didn't stop existing when we had our sons.

Bowie

We come from a culture that is very family centric and it is very strange to us that children would be left out of a family event such as a wedding.

And some people have lives outside there kids has got nothing to do with anything

I wouldn't bring my baby to a wedding if I could find a babysitter just cos I'd like the evening off. I wouldn't exclude the children of family and friends from my own wedding. It's a cultural thing. It's just not how I was brought up.

I hate other people's kids as much as the next friendly childcatcher. So a child free wedding sounds like my idea of paradise.

However

This is OP's very close friend; OP's husband will be away; her child is very young and she naturally doesn't want to be away from her for four days; OP's mother is terminally ill; the wedding is overseas and will necessitate more expenditure and time consuming than a wedding on home turf.

All those things considered, with OP's mum's health being the deciding factor, I'd be very much inclined to bend the rules and let OP bring the baby.

*"Sorry about your mum.

But I congratulate you on winning the Drip Feed of the year award. Well done."*

Quintesing your comment above is just breathtaking in it's lack of compassion. You do realise that this is a real person you are addressing?

A woman with a young baby whose own Mum is dying? You should be ashamed of yourself. You really should.

For all those saying that the OP drip fed. No she didn't. Her Mum's illness was irrelevant to the opening post. Lots of people wouldn't be able to ask GPs to look after a baby overnight.

The OP clearly distressed in her last post and yet people are piling on complaining about her tone?

And the number of people who haven't at least taken the time to read the OP's posts!!!

This thread has made me really, really angry.

Fireplace if you are still reading, I hope you are ok.

If that was us we would just decline as we have no one to leave DS with overnight esp not for 4 nights. It's upto people if they want a child free wedding but must accept that makes it impossible or undesirable for many parents of young children to go esp if not local

I agree 100% with exLtEve and Amelia

The OP should'nt have had to mention her Mum's illness, I would have thought it was obvious her Mum was'nt an option, if she was the OP would'nt have needed to start the thread.

Fwiw I fucking hate weddings, invitations feel more like a summons, you must wear these colours, must give cash, can't take your children, must spend a fortune on 4 day hen do's abroad, then abroad again for the dull as fuck wedding.

So I usually decline.