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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sleepovers... Yes or No?

140 replies

Thetruthfairy · 12/10/2016 10:11

This is more of a what do/would you do really...

My eldest dd is currently in Year 1. Last school year she was invited to two sleepovers at girls houses in her reception class. Just her and the friend would be there, not a birthday group thing iyswim. I really didn't expect these kinds of invites so soon and it really caught me off-guard. Both the mums sent me a text invite for dd, so dd didn't know about them. The end I politely declined the invitations. I just didn't feel comfortable allowing her to sleep at a friend's house whose parents I don't fully know. She was 4 at the time.
I text back to say that dd still woke up in the night with nightmares sometimes (true) and that she wasn't ready to sleep out. I then suggested that we take the girls to a playgym or something. Totally fine.
Now she is in Year 1 her and her friends seem very taken with the thought of having sleepovers. I'm still not comfortable with the thought of it though and if I'm honest, it has more to do with safeguarding issues than anything to do with dd. I don't feel I know any of the parents well enough yet, and I've never seen one of the girls dad. I thought she would at least be invited to a play date first!
I am protective and tend to mull over things. I've never thought I was over the top though...
I really don't want to be a kill joy but I don't know if I will feel happy about this until I get to know the parents better, if I ever do. I am fine about her sleeping out and close family friends houses btw.
So Aibu? And mums with older kids, have you allowed this and under what circumstances?

OP posts:
Dontpanicpyke · 12/10/2016 10:17

Nope it's far too young and mine would have missed home. I expect the other mums in your class will feel the same.

Ours were I think about 8/9 before we allowed sleepovers but actually no one asked. That was 25 years ago though.

My youngest is 17 and we had her best friend stop aged 8 but we were close friends with the parents and lived near by.

Pisses me off the rush to grow up now. To me 4 is way way to young for this crap.

NewStartNewName · 12/10/2016 10:21

Mine have done sleepovers since about 5, mainly at my house though. I've only been called to collect as a DS didn't want to sleep in the end and he was 10 then. It's your choice, but maybe if the inciting parent is happy to have sleepovers, have them at yours?

NewStartNewName · 12/10/2016 10:21

Inviting not inciting!!

featherpillow · 12/10/2016 10:23

Agree with pp.

DC had first sleepovers at around 7/8 yrs old. Even then I would get a phone call to go and pick up as they had changed their mind.

I was glad in a way as I could relax for the rest of the night with them home.

smEGGontoast · 12/10/2016 10:27

My dd is year 2 at the moment. Last year she had a friend invite her for a sleepover. She'd been to play there before, we're close to her grandparents (who she lives with) their house it a 5 min walk to ours. We know them.

Dd friends birthday and she wasn't having a party or anything, just wanted one friend, my dd, to stay. Dd really wanted to go and I felt she would be ok so I let her.

They let her stay up all night long playing friggin computer games (which are a huge novelty, she doesn't have them at home) I think it was after midnight before the friend finally settled and my dd was still up playing minecraft and eating crisps. I expected that they would be allowed to stay up past 'normal' bedtime but I felt it was way too much and my daughter was tired, very tearful and moody the next day.

I wouldn't make the same mistake again.

Original poster
Thetruthfairy · 12/10/2016 10:30

Yes, I thought about inviting them over to sleep instead, but then how would you explain this to the mum? Shall I just say she has nightmares? Can I use this excuse until she is a teen!😀

OP posts:
Original poster
Thetruthfairy · 12/10/2016 10:34

SmegGontoast yes, my little one has a 8pm weekend bedtime, if I go beyond this she is a grumpy little madam for the rest of the week it seems. Minecraft wow! Dd would be amazed such things existed

OP posts:
NewStartNewName · 12/10/2016 11:28

Just say she's not ready to sleep out yet, but would love to have her friends sleep over at yours.

Comiconce · 12/10/2016 12:49

I avoid them like the plague. My older dd has had three (and one failed one where I collected her) but not until she was 7/8. My younger dd has had none.
I find them a hassle at best and it took dd days to recover from the lack of sleep and general exhaustion. I am not keen on hosting them either for the same reasons. I've only done one and have no intention of doing another.
Simply not worth the bother.

Yawnyawnallday · 12/10/2016 12:51

We've had a few of dd's friends sleep over here (not as a group) but my dd isn't ready to stay at anyone's. She's 9. Everyone seems cool with that.

clare2307 · 12/10/2016 13:20

The only place our oldest (7) has stayed is across the street at her best friends house, and we are close friends with her parents. Other than that she only stayed with immediate family. I don't think I'd mind her having a sleepover at a friends house now, but only the friends who's parents I am reasonably well aquainted with. At the moment she is happy with things as they are so hopefully it will stay that way for a few years Smile

user1476140278 · 12/10/2016 13:24

No. My DD is 8 and I let her have a friend over last month for the first time after a lot of nagging and it's just too young. They were silly ALL night long and her friend fell out of the top bunk.

It was a nightmare. I hate the whole "trend". My older DD is 12 and has them often...but they look after themselves! They cook their own food even. As long as there's food in the fridge and they have their devices, they're invisible!

maxington · 12/10/2016 13:28

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seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom · 12/10/2016 13:32

My DS is yr 3. We did first official towards the end of Yr2 with friends who I know very well and whose parents I know very well also. I'd say Yr1 is quite young for sleepover.

PaintingPolly · 12/10/2016 13:46

Sleepovers are bollocks. I won't even consider them for mine until they are teenagers at a minimum. You don't really know what goes on in anyone's house and what level of supervision there will be. It's just not 'allowed' in this house!

formerbabe · 12/10/2016 13:50

My dd is also in year 1, she's never been on a sleepover and if she was invited, I'd decline. It is too young imo. My ds first went on one when he was 7, but I'm very good friends with the mother so felt comfortable with it. He was exhausted though, never seen him so grumpy and tired. I'm not a fan of sleepovers for that reason.

gabsdot · 12/10/2016 14:06

We have a no sleepover policy in our family, except with granny and 2 very close family friends. All people I trust completely.
There is no way I would let my kids even play at a house when I don't know the parents let alone sleep there and at age 4, seriously!!!!!
My oldest is 12 and I'm sticking firm to the rule.

Ohyesiam · 12/10/2016 14:07

YANBU, I need to know the patents and whole household fairly well before I let my dd go, always have, she is 12 now. I always know in my gut if I fell happy with the situation, and trust my instinct.

Of the other kids sleep over with you you will get motte contact with their family anyway, then you can decide. And of it doesn't fell rig right, you can always imply to the other mums that she is not ready to be away from home yet, even if she thinks she is, out just go with the nightmares thing.

But yes, of course you are wary, you love her.

Chipsahoy · 12/10/2016 14:12

He'll no. My sons are five and eight, neither will be going on a sleep over until teens. I am not friends with their friends parents so I don't know them or what happens in their house.

milliemolliemou · 12/10/2016 14:18

I think sleep overs are pretty ridiculous at any age. fine to have a friend over (who sleeps in something resembling a bed) but I've never known larger ones go well - someone falls out with someone who demands to be taken home ... at best kids staying up later than parents and being appallingly tired/not doing homework/watching unsuitable videos. Bah humbug.

SianiMoomin · 12/10/2016 14:40

Mine have just started having the odd 1:1 sleepover (not groups!). My almost-9 yr old DS is fine with it but they're so tired and grouchy afterwards that we limit them to school holidays only and only 1 per holiday. I'm not a fan of them!
My 7 year old had a friend over to sleep in the Summer and really enjoyed it but again, was tired the next day even though they were asleep by 10pm.

I don't really like them but will let them occasionally with good friends and only in school hols. I wouldn't have let mine do them a 4! Year 3 is when we started.

Kitsandkids · 12/10/2016 14:41

I do not understand why some people want young children they don't know very well to sleep over. Surely it's a lot of work? The child needs to be put to bed, settled etc.I don't think there's any point to them until a child is old enough in their own home to say goodnight and take themself off to bed. So from about 10 or so. Then they should be able to cope with being at a friend's house overnight with minimal adult supervision - obviously adults need to be there but no actual 'putting to bed' needs to occur. That's what I've told my 2 (currently 7 and 8) when they've asked - 'we'll think about it when you're 10. Not before then!'

Bountybarsyuk · 12/10/2016 14:56

I didn't like the idea of sleepovers til my children were older, by which I mean around 10, so that's the age we've gone for, Year 5/6. It's up to you what you think appropriate for your children. I have only ever hosted one sleepover back. I'm not madly keen on sleeping over, silliness, pyjamas and other people's houses, all too stressful. Do what suits you and what seems right for your dd, OP.

NewStartNewName · 12/10/2016 15:43

Wow! You lot are miserable buggers aren't you! I do limit them to one DS having friends over at a time though, but it's great fun.

formerbabe · 12/10/2016 15:51

but it's great fun

It's great fun for the kids. For the parents, it's hellish...imo.