To ask for help with losing weight? (title edited by MNHQ)

[oneaddiction]

I've deliberately posted here as I probably need harsh responses.

My mother was an alcoholic, drank herself to death when I was very young.

I am not a boozer. I am an eater, and I'm killing myself. I have no idea how to stop. We can have no food at all in this house because I will eat it. I have even taken food out of the bins and eaten it.

I've binge eaten for YEARS (since I was a kid really) but with periods of starvation in between so never got that big, then got pregnant and the only thing that stopped me feeling sick all the time was food. So I ate it.

Now I'm colossal. I still can't stop.

I'm worried I'm going to end up like my mother.

A few things - I won't go to WW or SW, please don't suggest, and I don't think counselling will help. I guess I need to find willpower but HOW. I am looking for stories form people who DID stop smoking or drinking or whatever?

You do sound oddly detached OP.

How's your mood generally?

You asked about our experiences quitting smoking or alcohol, OP. I've done both, they had different challenges.

I quit smoking cold turkey after a long period of forcing myself to notice how it really made me feel. I couldn't breathe when I walked up stairs, I smelled, I kept getting hacking coughs that lasted months and tonsillitis, my skin looked grey, I was obsessed with ensuring that I didn't run out of cigarettes... Then one day I woke up and didn't want to do it any more, I reached some kind of tipping point. Until that day came, one of the reasons I liked smoking is because I wasn't supposed to do it. I also felt like the addiction needed me more than the rest of the world needed me, which was comforting. But it didn't particularly take willpower, it took self-esteem.

Alcohol was a lot harder to quit. I'm not sure I've managed to leave it properly behind. Social drinking is so much a part of society, and there is SO much pressure to drink. I'm starting to think I might have to invent a liver problem once DC2 is born so I can easily shut down conversations about it. But the process of stopping (which wasn't related to my pregnancy) was similar. I really focussed on how alcohol made me feel the day after, the stupid things I did while I was drinking, the sluggish unproductive person I become when I drink, how I wasn't being a good mother to DD... And also what I really want, which isn't a short term fix and a crutch to get me through the next few hours of living inside my noisy brain. I realised that I want very badly to be properly fulfilled and happy and not to look back on my life later on and see that it was just a collection of days with no purpose. It's very hard to hold on to, especially when I'm stressed, but I don't think I can drink alcohol and be who I know I'm capable of being. I'm trying.

Good luck. It's very hard to deal with addictions and what they uncover about yourself as you start to delve a bit deeper.

If you are adamant that you are the only one who can sort it out, how do you suggest you do that then?
I agree, if you think you can sort it out you would have done so by now.

OP you throw up objections to every single suggestion.

Why is that, do you think?

Exercising at size 14 is not difficult. Unless you have a disability or significant mobility issues, it isn't difficult.

At 14 stone you should not find it difficult to exercise. Many much larger people exercise every day. You have a very negative outlook on life and i suspect it is really holding you back. Starting with brisk walking would be a start if nothing else. Or swimming.

Never mind yourself what about your child? What about the behaviours you are passing onto him/her?

The Environment we are raised in is crucial..........

Walking is exercise. Any movement is excercise.

But you have to feel it is worth making the effort on your own behalf.

snay. Brilliant post. Absolutely resonates with me, on both smoking and drinking.

Apologies if it's already been mentioned, but have you read the book Brain Over Binge? Sorry I can't post a link now but will try to find it if you're interested.

I think the arguments in the book (which are v powerful by the way) might resonate with you, and it certainly doesn't preach diets or therapy as a way to overcome binge eating.

Hi OP, you do sound pretty determined, to do this alone.
Could you eat porridge for breakfast, very easy in microwave, add fruit.
Then go for a walk, a brisk one, but not power walking. If you have a pram/buggy, that's also fine.
Try to cut out any rubbish from your diet,
for now.
Do you enjoy fruit, and raw veg, perhaps with humous ? All good.
Could you go swimming ?
Gentle exercise is good, to start with.
Get a hoopla hoop, and practice, in privacy at home.
You can do this, you really can.
Be kind to yourself, good luck 🌺🌺🌺

It may not be a long-term solution, but it might be something you are prepared to try - can you fill your house with food that you can effectively binge on, but that won't cause weight gain? Courgettes, cauliflower, asparagus, cabbage - any food that has minimal calories but can be made into something that feels relatively substantial.
I make what I call 'courgette surprise' - it's grated courgettes, cooked with onion, passata and a couple of tablespoons of low fat creme fraiche. You can make a whole saucepan of it and it comes in about about 400 calories. You can eat bowlful after bowlful of it, but you won't be packing in the calories. You can even serve it with cauliflower rice, to really up the bulk.
It sounds like you might feel happier addressing your binge eating with your GP or similar if you weren't overweight (or perhaps were less overweight?) so could you maybe work towards losing the weight by 'cheating' as it were and then tackle the disordered eating?
I am by NO means an expert on anything, but all the 'standard' advice clearly doesn't feel like it will work for you, so thought I'd throw this idea into the ring.
Also, for the record, I have lost a couple of stone by getting a FitBit - I became slightly obsessed with hitting all my targets and the app all lighting up green. If you are motivated by that kind of thing, it could help.
Good luck.

The binge eating disorder threads in the eating disorder topic in here are fantastic.

I've never actually posted but they are very helpful. I've got a long way to go but the threads have helped me identify my addictive disordered eating patterns and try and get out of the diet - binge - diet cycle.

Thank you Snay.

I'm not sure about detached. Maybe I am and don't realise.

I know walking is exercise yes. But realistically I would have to do a lot of it to shift 4-5 stone.

It sounds like you feel very despondent and powerless op. You sound like you're hoping for an easy or quick fix and that that might be tied in with your elusive 'willpower'. If only it was a switch that you could turn on but unfortunately it isn't. You'll only manage to eat less if you believe you can, and you feel powerful and in control.

For active help I'd strongly suggest Rob Kelly's Thrive programme. It's not councilling but you will have to really want to help yourself and will need to be open to ideas and theories. To be honest, you sound quite defensive and dismissive at the moment, you don't sound willing to change enough. Perhaps it's just not coming across in your posting.

I'm a very long time sober alcoholic so I know of what I speak. Trying to help an addict who repeatedly says they aren't prepared to do anything positive about their situation is a waste of time. What is not a waste of time is telling them that you won't engage with their bullshit - and pointing out that it is bullshit.

Hand holding while someone tells you they aren't going to deal with their addiction is called enabling.

Realistically you will have to do a lot of many things to lose 4-5 stones but you need to not focus on that bigger picture and just make some little changes. It is not easy. I know, i am 13 stones and don’t find losing weight easy. But i keep trying and if nothing else i am not gaining more weight.

Someone suggested walking which is not hard. But instead you chose to make an excuse why that wouldn't work. You are your worst enemy. Sorry

One

I typed a huge post then lost it. You'll probably be grateful 😬

I tried Gillian Rapley - loved the book, raved about it a bit. Didn't impact long term.

I tried Paul McKenna - seriously, no one has the me for that shit.

I tried....you get the gist.

Until, through BIWI on the Bootcamp threads, I found low carbing & Dr John Briffa - Escape The Diet Trap. His book explains WHY we should eat this way & why & how eating in other ways isn't good for us. BIWI is a total STAR & the others on the thread really help. Someone earlier in mentioned Gary Taubes, his book is fantastic, but Briffa is an easier first read. It is NOT a fad diet. It's about eating in a way that's healthy & not eating unnatural food that's found it's way into our lives over the years.

I think it's a good place for you to start because controlling the cravings by eliminating sugar & processed carbs will help you to feel more in control & more able to tackle the underlying issues you have.

You are minimising the impact that your mother's lifestyle & early death had on you. In time you might feel able to find a counsellor who can help you process that, or an online group if you still don't want to see someone. You are hurting on a level you can't even acknowledge right now, one day you'll see that, but for now getting a grip on the symptoms will help.

I'm very short & several stone heavier than you - try to deal with it now, it does sent get any easier 💐

I totally agree with you, prawn

14 stone?! Oh fuck off OP.

I weighed 24 stone. I had gastric bypass last year. I've lost 11 stone. But yeah you won't go to your GP.

Hokay; well, I do think there are big differences between alcoholism and overeating.

Anyway, no matter.

You are making too many excuses. I started at almost your weight and have lost a good 4 stones only with walking and eating less crap. When you are ready to get the support, come back and ask for help. Right now you aren't in that place. Good luck

I'm honestly lost as to why people are getting so angry.

No, I won't go to my GP which I made clear on page 1 but you know, get angry if you want, makes no difference to me.