To ask for help with losing weight? (title edited by MNHQ)

[oneaddiction]

I've deliberately posted here as I probably need harsh responses.

My mother was an alcoholic, drank herself to death when I was very young.

I am not a boozer. I am an eater, and I'm killing myself. I have no idea how to stop. We can have no food at all in this house because I will eat it. I have even taken food out of the bins and eaten it.

I've binge eaten for YEARS (since I was a kid really) but with periods of starvation in between so never got that big, then got pregnant and the only thing that stopped me feeling sick all the time was food. So I ate it.

Now I'm colossal. I still can't stop.

I'm worried I'm going to end up like my mother.

A few things - I won't go to WW or SW, please don't suggest, and I don't think counselling will help. I guess I need to find willpower but HOW. I am looking for stories form people who DID stop smoking or drinking or whatever?

[Me2017]

What about eating as much as you like for a while but only of really good healthy foods so if you want 1000 calories of nuts, veg, fish you can have it. Then try to cut down to 3 meals a day and possibly try 2 meals a day (no snacks) with internmittent fasting so no neating between bed time and say 12 noon early lunch.

Also the kinds of foods you eat determine how you feel in your head - lots of carbs and sugars raises you up and crashes you down and makes you hungry very soon after. Whereas foods like fish and veg and that kind of thing doesn't. Try eating high very good fats, medium protein and low carb and tons of veg.

Also try going to bed early (you eat less) and perhaps start all this by only drinking water and no other drinks.

Try going for a walk each day too however short and build up the distance.

[flippinada]

Prawn has a point actually. And the OP did ask for blunt responses.

What is the point of asking for help if you're just going to refuse to engage and say "yes, but" to every suggestion?

[ItShouldHaveBeenJess]

That wasn't terribly well written, sorry! I meant that I can choose not to drink, but I can't choose not to eat - and if your addiction is food, it is terribly difficult.

[FlowerOfTheValley]

Do you have a trigger for binge eating? Does it have a root cause such as comfort eating, stress related etc or is there not a pattern to it.

I have found the easiest way to stick to trying to lose weight is to see the diet/healthy eating is working. In other words if you can lose a bit of weight it gives you incentive to carry on with it.

Could you try a day a week at first when you eat healthily. If you know you can eat more normally the next day it's easier to find the willpower for one day. Then gradually step it up so you end up on the 5:2. If you know you're going to lapse sometimes it may be easier to stick to it.

Well done on posting, wanting to do it is the first step on the road to achieving it.

[oneaddiction]

A point that I should die? :) Rather harsh.

Flip, I haven't. I have said clearly I am not going to go to my GP and people keep telling me to go to my GP. Their choice, but it doesn't mean I have to act on it.

[Starlight2345]

op...

I do think Pawn has a point due to this statement in your op
I've deliberately posted here as I probably need harsh responses.

From your posts it does sound like you have a very good idea why you over eat..I over eat..I am an emotional eater, I also eat from tiredness and boredom.. However I have rejoined SW and I have to address it...I do wish I could do it on my own but don't

I think sometimes it is about a leap if faith..If you want something to change you need to do something outside of your comfort zone.

Think about one thing you can change..Do you drink sugary pop..stop buying it...Stop buying crisps, one thing that will improve your diet.

[randomer]

write to WW or SW or" eat steak every day"or whatever.....ask them if they would kindly give you some data on successful long term weight loss........er no they won't.

Its all shite....its your inner core OP. low self esteem probably
Change GP, get counselling and remember the mantra

[MumOnTheRunCatchingUp]

What's your 'inner core' ?

[Boundaries]

haven't a clue Boundaries. Giving birth hasn't made me the alpha and the omega sadly.

Difficult to tell in writing the tone of that.

[ageingrunner]

You could try reading Brain over Binge by Kathryn Hansen. I've found it very helpful, amongst other self help books, e.g. Gineen Roth, fat is a feminist issue etc.
The main thing that helped was accepting that I'd have to eat less, and remembering that I used to enjoy exercise. I'm still size 16 bit generally much more in control around food. I used to be 20-22. I'd like to lose more and can see myself doing so.
Also look at low carbing

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

There's been an absolute glut of ops like this on Mumsnet just lately.

How about you all getting together and running a support thread?

[eddielizzard]

well you have to break the cycle. and not just once, but every time, even when you're feeling so weak. all these things that have been suggested try to help you with that, because it is so hard to do it on your own. if you can think of one really damn good reason not to binge that is enough to stop you when you're desperate, then you can do it on your own. otherwise i think you do need help.

[OnceMoreIntoTheBleach]

GPs aren't always the best people for advice on such matters. Theirs will be formula advice. I think you need to go deeper, OP, and look at your reasons for feeling and eating the way you do.

For drinking and smoking, there are great books out there that deal deeply with a change of mindset. This is what you need.

Have a look around for something you can immerse yourself in on a personal level.

Other PPs have probably more experience than me on the food issues (mine was alcohol) but one good book can turn it all around if you invest in it.

[ItShouldHaveBeenJess]

randomer I agree. If SW and WW really worked, clients wouldn't keep returning, year in, year out. Their food products are stuffed full of chemicals and are in no way 'healthy'. Not to mention the very fucked up approach of describing certain foods as 'sins'.

Over-eating and under-eating need a psychological approach. The OP has already made it quite clear she isn't interested in the short term fix that 'slimming clubs' provide.

[witchmountain]

Was also going to suggest a Susie Orbach book like another poster. If you don't want to involve anyone else then you might find something interesting in there. You might want to start with On Eating which covers the ideas of Fat Is A Feminist Issue in a much shorter book. I didn't read Fat Is A Feminist Issue for years because I thought it was going to be about societal pressures etc etc but actually it's about figuring out why you over eat and finding a way around it. It's horrible to feel out of control around food and her books really helped me get a grip when I accepted that I couldn't turn my life around simply by trying harder. Will power has its limits.

[Manumission]

Speaking from the perspective of someone with an ongoing medical condition (so some similarities and some differences to an addiction), I think this would boil down to one thing for me;

I would fight to stay with my child.

(And not to repeat the pattern.)

[blueskyinmarch]

Instead of looking at it as a huge task might it help you to make one change and stick with that before adding another? It could be not eating any crisps or not eating after 7 pm or eating a salad for lunch or not drinking sugary drinks? Whatever you think you could succeed at. Maybe if you had some small successes it would help you to be more positive?

[WardrobeMalfunction]

Dr Robert Lustig has some very interesting advice re eating that might help you develop your own healthier eating plan.

Have you considered structured fasting (5:2)?

I think I understand where you're coming from, especially re WW and such. I don't want to discuss my weight with anyone, I don't like or need "motivation" and affirmation from anyone else. I wouldn't even discuss a diet with DH and I certainly don't want my weight and weight loss efforts to be the subject of small talk.

All those people who are giving out to the OP for not accepting the usual solutions: they are widely proven To. Not. Work. And unfortunately, obesity is not treated as the addiction/eating disorder it undoubtedly is for many people, so medical help seems to work on the "wait to fail" model where you have to be incredibly sick to merit help, at which point it is so much more difficult.

I'm ranting now, but good luck with recovery, OP.

[Happyinthehazeofadrunkenhour]

Are you up for a bit of a challenge op? I really need to stop over eating too...decided today to give up bread for a bit as I'm totally addicted..and start on this app called Couch to 5k..and incorporate a bit of exercise into my day...it looks dead easy! Come on ...lets do it!

[Bluepowder]

Or you could just take it sideways and start exercising first and tackle the eating after.

[swizzlestar]

I'm an emotional, compulsive, secretive binge eater. However, I can't remember the last time I binged.....

I a course a of NLP with an amazing guy. He's actually the only person that knows the true extent of my secret bingeing. He gave me coping strategies and showed me how to change my behaviour, and how making that effort eventually becomes a habit that you don't think about.

I'm happy to msg you his details if you're interested.

[Empress13]

So you know what you need to do but you obvs can't do it aline or else you would have done it by now.

You need professional help simple as.

[oneaddiction]

Yeah it's a bit difficult to exercise at my size tbh.

Happy, I'd love to say yes, but it would likely as not send me the other way.

[flippinada]

Don't be ridiculous. If you post in AIBU with a dramatic title and your opening line is "I've deliberately posted here as I probably need harsh responses" you are going to get them.

I do think you are very unwell and need some support and help. I wish you the best of luck.

[oneaddiction]

If you could swizzle :)

Don't know how I'd afford it, mind!