To ask for help with losing weight? (title edited by MNHQ)

[oneaddiction]

I've deliberately posted here as I probably need harsh responses.

My mother was an alcoholic, drank herself to death when I was very young.

I am not a boozer. I am an eater, and I'm killing myself. I have no idea how to stop. We can have no food at all in this house because I will eat it. I have even taken food out of the bins and eaten it.

I've binge eaten for YEARS (since I was a kid really) but with periods of starvation in between so never got that big, then got pregnant and the only thing that stopped me feeling sick all the time was food. So I ate it.

Now I'm colossal. I still can't stop.

I'm worried I'm going to end up like my mother.

A few things - I won't go to WW or SW, please don't suggest, and I don't think counselling will help. I guess I need to find willpower but HOW. I am looking for stories form people who DID stop smoking or drinking or whatever?

[Happyhippy45]

oneaddiction
Sorry for what you are going through. A close family member has very disordered eating.
It would be simple if they just ate enough......but that's not the issue they have to solve.
You have described your situation which is clearly an eating disorder.
Eating disorders are a lot more complicated than just losing/gaining a bit of weight. It's a battle with yourself. Part of your character tricking the real you into damaging behaviours and all the distress that causes you. You will be fighting for your life. You are worth this fight. Getting back up in ththe form of counselling to help you fight this fight will most likely help you. There's no harm in trying it. If it doesn't feel right then try other things. A counsellor can be there to let you off load about your difficulties in a completely non judgmental fashion.
I was a bit sceptical about counselling myself, but went anyway. Helped me help myself. (Anxiety)
There are lots of bullshit diets on the go. Don't do them. Make small changes. Try not to get frustrated by not losing loads in a short space of time. If you lose a few pounds over 2 months it will be likely to stay off as opposed to a few pounds over a week.
Good luck xxx

[NotAnotherUserName1234]

I second Pinkcadillac's suggestion of Gillian Rilley's books/seminar/online course, that helped me to give up smoking and lose 5 stone and keep it off.

[ragz134]

You've posted your weight and said you aren't that tall, do you know what your BMI is? I feel you may be slightly exaggerating by saying you are colossal, you may feel like it of course, but it is possible your view is distorted?
How you best go about losing the weight may depend on how overweight you really are...
Cutting out sugar would be a good place to start.
Having regular meal times and only eating at meals, regardless of what you choose to eat, may help break the binge/starve cycle?

[randomer]

change GP...That crap

[maggiethemagpie]

Everyone's different, but I went to Overeaters Anonymous for a year and it didn't work for me. I found being told I was 'powerless' over my addiction like a green light to eat more (as in, I'm powerless so I may as well continue). I don't subscribe the disease model of addiction. Every time I've got my addiction under control, it's been through finding my own power and using it, not by admitting I'm powerless.

Some people do get on with it so it's worth a try.


But for me, food addiction is 90% physical 10% psychological so if I can get myself to stay away from the addictive foods (sugars/carbs) then the cravings fade.

Everyone is different though, there is no one size fits all with this.

And, I used to be a very very out of control compulsive overeater, probably on a par with the OP so if I can get some control over my eating, anyone can.

[dowhatnow]

It will be easier to tackle this at 14 stone than 20 stones. That's not a huge amount to lose, it's very doable but you've got to want it enough and/or open up to the idea of getting help to overcome the emotional barriers you've put in place.

[roasted]

How do you feel when you're overeating, and how do you feel afterwards?

When I was very overweight, I ate too much of the wrong foods because I enjoyed the taste and the indulgence and I didn't really care what I looked like. I found the willpower to stop when I decided, actually, being overweight did bother me. I didn't want to be fat anymore.

To find your willpower, you have to find your motivation. I mean really find your motivation - not something you think sounds right to other people, but something that makes sense to you. It can be inspirational, it can be downright pathetic and shallow but it has to drive you. Does your health concern you? Your appearance? You need to find a reason that makes you want to sort yourself out.

Everyone is different when it comes to losing weight. Some respond well to their own personalised graphs and daily weigh ins, others like weekly weigh ins in front of a room of people. Some people embrace regimented diets with routine foods, others like to mix it up more and have more freedom. You have to understand your own personality and what could work for you. Again, what you come up with doesn't have to make sense to other people.

My GP is an idiot. I lost 3 stone without his input. I understand you not wanting to see yours. But that doesn't mean you have to go it alone - there are communities in person (like WW) and online (like on MyFitnessPal.com) where you can lean on other people and in turn support them. If you could do this on your own, you wouldn't be posting here. Your GP might not be the solution, but finding someone to support you must be.

[oneaddiction]

Maggie I agree.

Problem is sometimes once I start eating I find it so difficult to stop.

I think it's partly having not exercised my willpower in a long, long time.

[Starlight2345]

To be honest when you said 14 stone I was expecting much more....Though that doesn't mean it is not an issue.

There is a fb group called eat less move more which certainly was a very supportive group..Regardless of weight.

I also have been watching biggest loser tonight..It is on sky... All those people on there although are very overweight behind every person on their is a story.

Counselling would help the underlying issues..

It sounds like the refusing help anywhere sounds like you feel unworthy..

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

Saying you're going to kill yourself, and then flatly refusing to consider any of the potential routes out of the situation is classic addictive behaviour and, as nothing anyone says is of any use to you whatsoever, I suggest you get back to going to hell in your chosen vehicle.

I know a lot about addiction and until - and unless - you become willing to do whatever it takes you won't change. Don't ask for help you don't want. It's a waste of time and energy. What on earth did you post for? To make yourself feel even worse, I suspect.

[oneaddiction]

I just don't like involving others, it is private.

[oneaddiction]

Cheers prawn. Dead helpful.

[galaxygirl45]

I think you need to be kinder to yourself - we all have addictions, it's human nature. I'm an eater - I eat when I'm happy/sad/down/up/hot/cold - you name it. I was never allowed to leave food on my plate, and was quite underweight as a child which my family made a huge fuss about. So I associate eating as being a good thing, which it isn't when you get to 19 stone. I've had a few health scares over the years, the latest was diabetes with high BP and stern words from my GP. I've gone low carb, following a mish mash of online groups/books as I hate slimming clubs (they work for many but not me). I've got to 16 st in 3 months and it's honestly been little effort, I'm just not hungry a lot of the time and by not eating carbs, you are much more limited trust me!! I think we all have a trigger, be it a certain weight, clothes not fitting, special event - for me it was the thought of going onto lifetime medication and taking years off my life. I've followed every diet out there and never lost weight like this but am literally taking it day by day as I always will be an overeater. And my dog is my best friend, whenever I feel I could eat something I shouldn't, it's wellies on and out at speed!! I hope you find what works for you.

[Boundaries]

Do you have children, OP?

[oneaddiction]

Yes, I have a child

[emotionsecho]

Willpower is not your problem and even if it was posters here can't give you it. You say you know what you need to do but if you did you would already have done it, you are refusing outside intervention on the basis it won't work so you have already set it in your mind to fail.

I am not really sure what help you wanted from posters, did you want them to confirm that you are slowly killing yourself with food, that you will kill yourself if you don't stop and/or to berate you for doing that? Or did you want them just to sympathise with your circumstances and make soothing noises?

You clearly do have an eating disorder which is a mental health problem, unless you address that you will never be free of it.

[Onlyonce]

Read Susie Orbach Fat is a Feminist Issue. It might help you gain understanding of your own behaviour. Would you consider private counselling? If you can afford it you can look for counsellors in your area on the counselling directory website. Phone a few and have a chat with them before choosing one to go and meet with. You need to change your mind set before you can change your body. Doing it privately means you wouldn't have to see your gp for a referral, and can access more sessions and probably get help more quickly.

[Boundaries]

galaxy we do not "all have addictions". It is not "human nature".

[Boundaries]

What would you say to your child if S/he was feeling as you do now?

[Iamdobby63]

I'm sorry you are feeling like this.

Sadly until you know why you are in this cycle of overeating no diet will work. I also don't think it's something that people can be cured of but they can learn to manage it. My eating disorder was made better by getting out of a controlling relationship, but I still have to watch myself because I still have the tendency to comfort eat.

I Try now to view food as a superficial friend who is great in small doses but too much isn't good for my emotional well being. Eat - gain weight - get depressed because you don't feel good about yourself - comfort eat.

It's one of the hardest addictions to deal with.

[ItShouldHaveBeenJess]

one. I'm a recovering alcoholic. Unfortunately the only way I stopped drinking was having my DS (then aged three months) taken into care. He came back a eleven months and is now almost five. When I stopped, I went through periods of binge eating and chain smoking to compensate.

I have had counselling. I'd recommend a person-centred approach (though I believe this can take a little longer to access on the NHS than CBT). In person-centred therapy, the counsellor doesn't give you advice or 'homework'. They are trained to ask the 'right' questions in order for you to arrive at your own decisions about what to do next.

I'm not a fan of diet clubs. I know too many women who attend, lose the weight and then a couple of years later, they're back. Plus they are constantly pushing their aspartame-laden crap on their clients. I have tremendous empathy for people with food addiction. For me, it's as simple (ish!) as not having alcohol in the house, and not having that first drink. With food, that's not an option.

[MumOnTheRunCatchingUp]

Hi op!

Serial dieter here also

What's your favourite binge foods? If you don't have much food in what are you doing when you want to binge eat?

[Trulyamnearanear]

Self help book - Overcoming binge eating by Christopher fairburn. Just started the programme and it makes a lot of sense

[oneaddiction]

I haven't a clue Boundaries. Giving birth hasn't made me the alpha and the omega sadly.

[Happyinthehazeofadrunkenhour]

Jesus prawn you are all compassion aren't you? Do us all a favour and bugger off! ....