To ask for help with losing weight? (title edited by MNHQ)

[oneaddiction]

I've deliberately posted here as I probably need harsh responses.

My mother was an alcoholic, drank herself to death when I was very young.

I am not a boozer. I am an eater, and I'm killing myself. I have no idea how to stop. We can have no food at all in this house because I will eat it. I have even taken food out of the bins and eaten it.

I've binge eaten for YEARS (since I was a kid really) but with periods of starvation in between so never got that big, then got pregnant and the only thing that stopped me feeling sick all the time was food. So I ate it.

Now I'm colossal. I still can't stop.

I'm worried I'm going to end up like my mother.

A few things - I won't go to WW or SW, please don't suggest, and I don't think counselling will help. I guess I need to find willpower but HOW. I am looking for stories form people who DID stop smoking or drinking or whatever?

[Iamdobby63]

Are you still here OP?

I spoke earlier about needing to address the emotional cycle of overeating and depression but if you did simply want practical advice on dieting the I do recommend, particularly for your issues, a low carb, moderate protein and high fat.

The first two weeks are tough as you will be dealing with your sugar addiction and your body will be adjusting to a whole new way of eating.

The benefit for you is that you don't have to starve, the high fat means that you feel full and feel satisfied emotionally, nothing worse than being on low cal and still feeling hungry after you've eaten your last meal of the day. You will cook more and that helps to occupy your time and mind. So long as you stick with it you will lose weight quickly which gives you real motivation. You can just do it yourself following either on BIWI's thread or you can find Atkins on line, you don't have to converse with anyone.

[camena]

Because your GP is your point of access to other services, services the OP clearly needs, including therapy.

Mental health services on the NHS are virtually non-existent. It seems like a fools errand to me.

[AmysTiara]

Okay op I won't go to the gp or slimming clubs either. I've lost two stone by planning my meals carefully. Something extra quick for when I get in from work knackered, loads of veg on my plate to make it look as if I'm eating loads, healthy snacks around me when I feel like reaching for the crisps, having a treat day on a Saturday so I always have something to look forward to and most importantly, realising it is a won't be a quick fix and being happy with a pound a week loss rather than expecting instant results.

Hopefully just one of my suggestions could help you. Best of luck.

[LikeDylanInTheMovies]

Asper. You've hit the nail on the head.

[Violetsarentalwaysblue]

Somewhere up thread I think the OP says she's 14 stone although "short" I'm not that knowledgable about this but unless she's under 5 feet I'm not sure she'd automatically qualify for gastric sleeve surgery n the NHS.

[LagunaBubbles]

I don't know why people have this fixation with going to the GP

Because your GP is your point of access to other services, services the OP clearly needs, including therapy.

[justilou]

Definitely go to your GP. See if you can get some counseling and a referral for gastric sleeve surgery. You will have to put in the work (icky pre-surgery diet shakes) but it's so worth it. (I have lost 46kgs and am finding my old self - it's been hard but so, so worth it!)

[Bookaholic]

My story is similar to Violet's. All diets work, every last one of them, the trick is sticking to them.

When I was at my biggest I started reading fat acceptance literature because I decided that if I was going to be fat for the rest of my life then I'd better learn to live with it. My BMI was probably around 37, I got it down to 27 over about 18 months. It has gone back up a bit, but nowhere near what it was before.

For me, there was a ... something? I don't know what, a switch seemed to flip in my brain and I just decided.

But, finding what your switch is, what works for you - that's personal as you say. I don't know that really anyone else can find it for you, all anyone can do is help you to find it for yourself. Counselling may help, a sympathetic GP may help (and I've been told a sore throat was because I was fat - I know what it's like to go to a bad medic type!). But in the end it's over to you. That decision, that switch, has to come from you.

[Violetsarentalwaysblue]

Typo sorry.
Let's face it it's not if you have to loose 10 stone if you loose two you'll feel so much better.

[Violetsarentalwaysblue]

I avoid these threads as a general principle but I wanted to share my story.three years ago my BMI was 36 and if I hadn't done something God knows what it would be now as I was putting in on a stone a year. I knew I was fat, I hated it but I love food (I'm a foodie and a really good cook) and believed I had no will power. I was wearing clothes that I hated but I was desperately trying to hide how overweight I was. I was getting out of breath walking the dogs on the flat and I knew something had to be done but I couldn't see how to do it. I too had tried WW SW the 5:2 etc with limited effect. A colleague started a well known diet was loosing weight and was looking really well I was impressed, I researched it very carefully, including the NHS website and gave it ago. I lost 6 1/2 stone and have not put that weight back on. But more importantly I am now wearing clothes that I love and my confidence has come back I am literally back to the person I was 10 years ago I feel great and without wishing to boast too much most people comment on how great I look. I know Im going to sound vein but I'm being totally honest with you OP I love it when people comment on how amazing I look and that I look 10-15 years younger than my actual age.
I heard a statistic on the radio the other week apparently only 1 more n 125 women keep their weight off after dieting (any diet) that figure is even worse for men.
Many people ask me what's the secret? 1. Choose a diet that fits in with your lifestyle, 2. Choose a diet that suits your personality the one I did was very prescribed, no treats/"sins" ever, I can't eat one biscuit I'd eat the whole packet! I talked and observed friends who are thin, we're all post menopausal, the thin ones are thin because they are constantly watching what they eat, when I asked them most eat about 1500 calories a day (of healthy food) if they go out for dinner and eat more then for the next few days afterwards they basically eat less than 1500. A friend whose fairly overweight was talking to me about it, watching me eat the usual dinner of chicken and salad, "don't you get fed up of eating the same type of food day in day out?" My reply "no because I love being slim, wearing clothes that suit me and my personality, (friends would describe me as a clothes horse I'm sure) so I'm happy to eat carefully" my friends reply was interesting "I'm just not that bothered". This I feel is the nub of the matter you have to so bothered about getting thin and staying thin that you'll sacrifice other things in my case my absolute love of food.
OP if your still here when I started my diet I'd reached a point when I knew I had to loose weight my mental and physical health was being effected, my DH was a hardened smoker hed had numerous attempts at giving up, he said one day he got up and knew he had to stop not because people had told him too but because he was telling himself he had to it was starting to effect his health. That was 6 years ago hes's never smoked since.
Two other things 1. my lack of will power when it came to food was a standing joke amongst my friends but I am proof that even someone with no will power when it comes to food can do it 2. I did little excercise when dieting just walked the dogs every day I still don't execerise that much I walk an average of 4 miles a day and ride a couple of times a week, no gyms no jogging round the park thank God maybe the odd bike ride nothing else, ultimately if you want to loose weight then as I believe the the founder of WW summed it up "put down the godam fork!" I believe OP that you can do it let's face it you have got to loose 10 stone if you loose two you'll feel so much better and like me hopefully this will inspire you to believe it's possible and loose more. Good luck.

[PinkSquash]

Fwiw, I am at the weight you are now, I lost a lot of weight to get to this point and I had to really want to change myself to go through with it. I have disordered eating habits, you need more than just will power.

[PinkSquash]

As I have said before, you're not ready to properly change. Every answer posted has a reason why you possibly couldnt do it. We can't force you to change, but if you don't enlist outside support you wont move forward.


Make a note of the options given to you on here and put it somewhere safe. When you're ready to take the next step, use the information to help you.

[Aspergallus]

The OP isn't looking for solutions. Just a quick fix to the discomfort of "I should be trying to do something about this". The quick fix to that discomfort being posting here, declaring all suggestions useless and using that as permission to carry on as she is.

Ultimately she is getting something out of her behaviour at this time (comfort, temporary highs etc...all the typical rewards for engaging with an addiction) and isn't ready to engage with a solution and give up on those rewards. But rather than be honest about that she is denigrating all the solutions so that the problem is externalised. It's not her that's the problem, it's that the solutions don't work or aren't good enough. A little mind game to resolve her cognitive dissonance.

Or in short, she just isn't ready for change.

[cansu]

Try 5:2. You basically eat v small amount for two days and then eat normally, but healthyish for the rest. When I am struggling to maintain my diet I do this and it works for me. I have spent years of being overweight and have tried numerous diets but this seems to have clicked for me. I eat loads of fruit and veg, but I think the biggest change is in the amount I eat at meals and the lack of snacking. However it is also down to desire to lose it.you need to be in the right place mentally. I think putting up barriers and saying you won't try this that or the other isn't helpful. I am not attending any groups but that is because I don't find them helpful I have tried them and they just didn't seem to do anything for me. I think deciding to lose weight is a bit of self love really. After feeling v down about myself and lots of the unchangeable crap in my life, I feel like I want to do this for myself. I think you have to feel like this for it to succeed.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

You sound like how I felt 6 months ago. Really fucked off. Rock bottom emotions. Couldn't have cared a fuck. I have a child too. I am chronically ill and was eating something every waking hour and just sugar, carbohydrate, sugar to give me energy.

You'll only do something about your weight when you're good and ready. And you will be ready some time. Just not today. You seem like you have other battles to fight. The best thing you can do is to work on your guilt. The more guilty you feel, the less likely you will be to react.

Things changed for me slowly 2/3 months ago after I started one supplement to help change my gut bacteria (bad bacteria make you really fucked off/depressed and lacking energy). If you don't want to do anything else, maybe it's worth giving it a try. You can get it off Amazon and isn't mega expensive. It's called BETAINE HCI I get the 648mg from NOW foods, which works out the cheapest (120 high dose for tablets £16.50).

This is hydrochloric acid BTW and it's basically stomach acid. Most people in this country have very low stomach acid apparently - there's a lot online to explain this. I take 1 with each meal 2x a day now. You start slowly and with 1 with a meal and increase later on until you feel a burning sensation - it's explained on the bottle. I did take 2 with a meal 2x a day for a while.

About a month ago, I was ready to make the changes and have lost just over a stone.

Good luck whatever you decide. You are so much more than how you feel right now. .

[Kateallison16]

BMI

[Kateallison16]

OP you need help. The doctors can give you it.
If your BMW is high they can give you a drug called Xenical. It works by flushing fat out of your body.

Binge eating is a horrible habit when you are depressed. I have done it since I was a child.
I've never got anything out of a bin though, and not being able to keep food in the house, that is very extreme.

Obviously in an ideal world you will trade chocolates and junk for veggies and good food but that's not that easy with an addiction.

Can I give you some advice? Try cooking healthier meals (not salads and 'dull' foods) try things like jambalaya or stir fry.
Make sure your meals are packed with veg most days.
Don't eat between meals. You are not hungry, you are comfort eating. Everything you want to snack grab a glass of water.
Get to the doctors, they will help you.

Don't try the "I can do this alone" thing. It will last until your next binge.
I know you feel ashamed, it's all part of it. The doctors are there to help you.

[RobinBanksLetsbyAvenue]

Piscivorus It's perfectly clear that posters have suggested going to the GP in order to access counselling, for the underlying issues.

[Piscivorus]

I don't know why people have this fixation with going to the GP. Most doctors have very little knowledge about nutrition and very little in the way of solutions to problems like this

I have very similar problems OP and haven't found a solution yet although low carb eating helps, when I can stick to it. Good luck, I hope you find something

[Iamdobby63]

OP, can I suggest you ignore the comments that make you angry and engage with those who are sharing experience and offering help.

[InMyOwnWorld]

Hi OP,
If you are still reading this, I admire your determination !
You are clearly a fighter! You know what you want! and that's powerful!

There is nothing wrong with admitting what you are not willing to try, you have your own experiences, your own reasons for that, and that's perfectly fine!
Many are missing the point that you are aware of what you don't want, but that doesn't mean you are refusing help! you are determinate to look for other options! Something that would work for you!


Reading the advice: "go to your GP" I totally appreciate the reasons behind that advice,
however my personal experience taught me, if I am not morbidly obese: "sorry, there is nothing there for you. Just Exercise more and eat healthy"
(If I get a penny for every time I head that 'advice' while looking for help!)

That was 3 years ago, I went and give anything a try! (I tried Overeaters Anonymous - well, this is just my opinion, but WOW, they really know how to mess with your head! I did give it a go, but left after few weeks I felt like part of the cult- really creapy)

Like yourself, I knew I can do it, I just need to find the way that works for me!
I knew I wasn't born with it! And if I have learnt something, I can un-learn it! It is a behaviour! I knew there is something I was struggling with and food was just something that helped me to cope!

"Do not look where you fell but where you slipped" - this sentence made a lot of sense to me.
I started learning about me, my emotions, my triggers.
Over the time I was able to catch it earlier and earlier!

I have not been dieting since. I dont label food as good or bad anymore! I don't feel guilty after eating! and the most amazing thing, I started loving what I have. Loving me!
I've got that huge appreciation for my body and truly loving the size I am! I feel beautiful! I look after myself now more, and it is not because I have to, I genuinely want to cherish my body!

I know I have lost weight since, but it happened naturally, without me stressing about it. I don't even know what weight I am atm, and tbh, I truly don't care!

It is such a beautiful state where my body is not a cause of my bad mood anymore. I actually see it as something to contributes to me feeling happy! and food isn't a problem anymore!

I feel like I am rambling on... :)
Not sure if this post helps.
The bottom line is, I praise your attitude!
Do what works for you! Do what you want, not what others say you should!

[joell75]

I'm in a similar boat to OP. I eat and I eat and I eat. I have no idea why. It started a few years ago. I went to the GP at the end of my tether. I was hoping for a referral. She just sort of looked at me...nonplussed. She advised me to, "not buy fattening food in the first place". I came out bereft. I had been so hopeful.

[crashdoll]

You cannot change if you see everything as a negative. Instead of saying that you'd have to walk a lot to shift 4/5 stone, you could remind yourself that exercise is good for your mental health and physical health. It's about reframing things and looking at them with a less critical lens.

There are simple things that can help, like relaxation CDs, mindfulness, gentle exercising and online CBT but it only works if you're committed and want to change.

I don't think you sound like you're in a place where you want to make changes. Perhaps your first step is exploring why you are feeling like you do, trying to unpick why you posted here and why you responded in the way you have done.

[MammaBear091114]

If you don't want to go to your GP or counselling or slimming world and diets don't work then how do you expect to get better? Seriously? It's like your wanting a magic easy answer and the only answer is you need to get help!

I had depression and severe anxiety and when I joined slimming world I had such bad anxiety that I was physically sick, I made myself go though and I've already lost 2 stone and doing well.

Slimming World is NOT A DIET, it's a lifestyle change where they teach you how to eat.

However if you think this is an addiction or a condition then you will need to see a doctor and get some medical help in order to control it.

Sorry to be harsh but you sound like you need a major kick up the arse. Stop making excuses and get yourself to your GP urgently!

[PresidentOliviaMumsnet]

Hi We've had some requests to change the thread title, which we do understand
We'd also remind people that MN is here to MAKE lives easier
Bit of Peace and Love, eh?
Thanks
MNHQ