AIBU not to pay for decapitated teddy bear

[RestlessTraveller]

So I have a rescue dog who is lovely but has suffered appalling treatment in the past.
He loves meeting people but is very excitable so I am very careful when he is around people. Today I was sat outside a coffee shop and he was being extremely well behaving sitting beside my chair, a woman with a boy aged about 3 came
and sat at the table next to me. The little
boy asked if he could stroke the dog and I explained it was best not to as he might jump up at him. Cue an almighty tantrum, with him screaming "I want to stroke the puppy", his mother told him not to because the dog was obviously "vicious". I explained that he wasn't vicious just excitable. To which point the child yelled "nasty doggy" and kicked out at him missing my my dog, but very close by. I told him not to do it again and to go back and sit with his mother which he did but minutes later he threw his teddy bear at him at which point my dog looked at this soft toy on the ground, picked it up and promptly ripped it's head off. Whilst trying not to die of embarrassment I apologised but the mother completely flipped out, telling me that it was a dangerous dog and should be put to sleep. She then demanded that I pay for the toy. I told her that if he child hadn't thrown it the dog would never have got his paws on it and walked off. I don't think I was BU but my friend thinks I should have coffed up. What do you think?

I def think that if the situation was reversed or if (more likely) the child had thrown the toy at another child who destroyed it, the parent of the destroyer should have paid.

We are in the process of teaching him leave. Unfortunately all training is difficult for this dog as he is not treat orientated. He is toy orientated so you can imagine how hard it is to get him to 'leave' a toy!

Notso He a terrier. He picked it up by the head and shook it. Hard.

I don't know. I imagine it takes quite a sustained amount of deliberate effort for a toddler to decapitate a bear even the most lackadaisical Mum absorbed in Mumsnet would get there before anything more than a few stitches were needed, so in that case, they should definitely pay.

But most things are accidents. I wouldn't demand payment from a dog or child owner for any toy that wasn't deliberately destroyed.

yanbu you stated the dog was excitable and warned not to let the child near. Child threw tantrum then hit dog with bear. It could have been any item but at this point it was a bear. Dog ate bear. child should not have thrown ANY item at dog regardless of excited/calm/dangerous/stoned temperment.

You gave warning that's all that you needed to do and in my experience most don't even do that.

Part of your job as a dog owner is to protect your dog in public. Dont sit there and argue with people, pick the dog up and move.
You can sit there and be as justified as you like, but when things go wrong it happens fast.

You should have paid for the damage you dog caused. But you dont want to hear that. You are not a good advocate for dogs or dog owners IMO.

Why didn't the mother take responsibility for her childs behaviour? He harassed this poor dog and op but that's fine?
The dog chewed the toy.
Comeuppance.
I don't like seeing unruly little kids where i go but then i realise it's life, just like op is entitled to take her dog to places art

Majority of thread don't agree that ahe should pay jell also doesn't sound like she is a bad owner at all.

jellybelli I think the OP is a great dog ower. If my DD was behaving in the way the boy was she would be pulled up on it and moved as to protect the dog. Why should OP move her dog.

But this dog was asleep and next to its owner, presumably on a lead... why should they move? Surely it is the responsibility of the parent in this case to protect their child and remove it after being told that the dog should not be petted.

For what it's worth my dog is the least grumpy creature ever but | wouldn't want a child petting him whilst he was asleep either. OP was already protecting her dog right there.

This comeuppance thing is shit.

Would it be comeuppance if the dog had chewed the toy and then the toddler kicked that dog? Would that be comeuppance for the dog?

No, it wouldn't. It would be just like this situation, it would still be owner error and the mother's fault.

Jelli I'm sorry that you think I'm not a good advocate for dogs or dog owners. I think if you RTFT I think you will see that I was prepared to be told I was BU. I even thanked a poster for helping me understand what the mum may have been thinking.

I didn't argue with the mother and as I said when she began to argue with me I removed the dog and walked away.

'Little troll', 'brat', 'little shit'. A three year old child. Seriously?

The mother clearly over reacted in saying your dog should be put to sleep but YABU, in the same situation I would have offered to pay for the toy. The dog is your responsibility and as such you are responsible if they ruin something.

Thank you LilQueenie

And yes the dog was in a lead.

how did you not die of laughter OP!!?

YANBU and you did very well not to laugh out loud.

art I asked you to cite a reputable source, not more hearsay. And unsurprisingly you can't.

Lots of people laughing all over the place on this thread and it's the three year old that lacks empathy and emotional intelligence?

Ok to those saying that the OP should pay - if the child had been in the car in front of mine and threw their toy out of the window in a fit of temper, and I accidentally ran it over, would you still expect me to pay? You would not. The fact that there's a dog involved and idiots like art are spouting rubbish clearly clouds the issue. Bottom line - kid chose to throw the toy, kid lost the toy.

There can't be more than one or two people who suggested the OP should pay?

myownprivateidaho Yes, of course people should behave responsibly around dogs. I don't argue with that in the slightest. BUT IMO dog owners have to be sure that their dogs will not react badly even if people don't behave responsibly.

Dogs are not stuffed lil robots FFS! Your own issues around them does thankfully not dictate the general society's approach to empathy towards animals. A responsible dog owner who politely requests that a parent stops her child from disturbing and touching a sleeping dog can expect that a parent shows some common sense and respect their right to quietly enjoy their rest at a cafe. Someone made a great analogy if a child willfully throws a toy under a car or drops it in some gully has to learn that it might destroy it or get lost. Good lesson. The mother can sew the bloody head back and explain that Teddy got hurt because the child threw it which was not nice and encourage it not do it again. Great opportunity to teach a child some empathy and respect for other living creatures instead of encouraging its horrendous behaviour. Of course, the OP should not be expected to pay. She has shown some admirable restraint IMO. My god daughter is gentle around dogs and respectful. A testament to her parents and also shows a kind loving character. This toddler who lashed out, could turn into a bully and it should be nipped in the bud now. His mother will reap what she sows if she doesn't take responsibility for her child's actions. A headless Teddy will be the least of her worries!

YANBU. You already advised the boy and his Mum a few times to stay away.

I am not a dog person but my DD loves dogs and always wants to run up and pet them. We are very careful to always ask the owner first if it's OK as I know some dogs are nervous around young children. It's not their fault or a "nasty dog" just one of those things. I think it's actually a good opportunity to teach young children that dogs are individuals too and may need their own space just like people do.

My (also rescue) dog has decapitated, and ripped many a soft toy in his time (all belonging to me or DD). He's never, ever, bitten a human being. He would have reacted the same way as your dog, op. I wouldn't have paid out either!
Small children need to be taught to respect dogs and other animals. Maybe now he'll know not to throw a toy at a dog if he doesn't want to lose it! I'd have been outraged at the mother if their child had kicked out at my dog and they'd not reprimanded the child for it. My DD is 2, and we're working on her not running up to every dog, so I think a 3 year old should know not to kick a dog (or person).
I also don't know any vet that thinks every dog should be muzzled!

YANBU. They asked and you told them straight, the mother then should have told her child why in a way that he could understand and process. Every child is different and she should know the best way of getting important information across to her child.
I have a border terrier that is completely brilliant with people, including small children, but due to something that happened when she was a small puppy, is now unpredictable with other dogs, so for that reason I muzzle her when I want to let her off the lead (she needs to run a lot faster than I ever could!). I find it very upsetting when I hear parents screaming at their child to "stay away from that vicious dog", just because she's wearing a muzzle. It just goes to show how stupid/small-minded they are, because she cannot do any harm to them with the muzzle on.
Think the child's mother might be related to the mother in this video:

Dogs are not stuffed lil robots FFS! Your own issues around them does thankfully not dictate the general society's approach to empathy towards animals.

Err no they're not robots, but if a person chooses to take them into public places then that person is responsible for their behaviour.