AIBU not to pay for decapitated teddy bear

[RestlessTraveller]

So I have a rescue dog who is lovely but has suffered appalling treatment in the past.
He loves meeting people but is very excitable so I am very careful when he is around people. Today I was sat outside a coffee shop and he was being extremely well behaving sitting beside my chair, a woman with a boy aged about 3 came
and sat at the table next to me. The little
boy asked if he could stroke the dog and I explained it was best not to as he might jump up at him. Cue an almighty tantrum, with him screaming "I want to stroke the puppy", his mother told him not to because the dog was obviously "vicious". I explained that he wasn't vicious just excitable. To which point the child yelled "nasty doggy" and kicked out at him missing my my dog, but very close by. I told him not to do it again and to go back and sit with his mother which he did but minutes later he threw his teddy bear at him at which point my dog looked at this soft toy on the ground, picked it up and promptly ripped it's head off. Whilst trying not to die of embarrassment I apologised but the mother completely flipped out, telling me that it was a dangerous dog and should be put to sleep. She then demanded that I pay for the toy. I told her that if he child hadn't thrown it the dog would never have got his paws on it and walked off. I don't think I was BU but my friend thinks I should have coffed up. What do you think?

Yes, I understand what you said. I am not trying to say that the child was innocent -- in the circumstances you describe it sounds entirely deliberate. (Though I actually don't think deliberateness is very relevant in the case of a three year old.) I'm saying that if the child was right next to the dog as it savaged his teddy then it's kind of likely to be upsetting for the child and therefore it's understandable that the mother was very emotional and upset.

You are really just seeing the things you want aren't you?

Is that for a particular poster or an assessment of AIBU generally?

Op you started a thread about dogs so you are going to get
The usual responses your dog is dangerous etc
If that had happened to me i would have laughed. At the mother actually expecting me to pay.
Actually i would haveto have been to be stopped from kicking the mother if she hAd let her little snowflake kick one of my animals.
The child was behaving like a brat. Hopefully both the child and mother will have learnt a consequence.
You throw a tantrum, try to hurt an animal and throw it it's toys, you lose them.
I wouldn't reward it either.
I feel bad for the child, it doesn't know any better and should be taught it however the mother clearly the mother isn't teaching it any.
Your dog doesn't need a muzzle.
It chewed a toy that was thrown in it's direction.

Sorry, that was for Idaho.

If you take your dog out and it destroys stuff then you have to pay for that stuff

This^. I get that the child and mother reacted badly to your dog, and the child's behaviour was far from good. But not highly unusual for a three year old.
However, it's not your place to judge, or punish, his behaviour. Your dog destroyed his toy. Dogs should not be allowed to do this, that's why there's the 'leave' command. They should be trained to drop things when told to do so. Easier said than done sometimes, admittedly, but at the end of the day , you should have paid for the childs toy as your dog chewed it up

Meh. I have two children. They have been instructed (repeatedly) that you never ever approach other people's dogs, as the dogs don't know them and might get scared, and scared dogs can nip. Simplistic, but it works best for them.

If my child was foolish enough to throw a toy at a dog, and the dog ate it (or beheaded it), I suspect it would be a fairly good lesson in "don't throw things at dogs." I wouldn't expect the dog owner to pay for the toy.

Now, if we were walking by and the dog ran up and took the toy out of my child's hand and chewed the toy up, that's a different story. But that's clearly not what happened here.

Ah Kali, I think that covers everything. Could you do that on all threads and save me from my mn addiction please?

restless Err I'm not really sure why I merited that "just seeing what you want" comment. You had not previously said that the child was right next to the dog when he threw the toy. You'd said that the child went back to his table after kicking at the dog and then later threw the toy, so it was a fair assumption that he threw it from his table.

my and i could understand the op being rather upset at someone trying to hurt her animal? That doesn't matter though, only that the little child is upset at it's toy being ripped ( after it threw it at a dogs head).
I'd be upset seeing someone trying to kick a strangers dog. I'd say something to the mother.

Actually budgie when someone tries to harm my dog I think I am perfectly
entitled to judge their behaviour. Just as I am not entitled to punish that behaviour I am also not entitled to reward it.

You are really just seeing the things you want to
I think that's a fair assessment of most AIBU threads, yes ,Kondo

If my child was foolish enough to throw a toy at a dog, and the dog ate it (or beheaded it), I suspect it would be a fairly good lesson in "don't throw things at dogs." I wouldn't expect the dog owner to pay for the toy.

Yeah, me too. Although I would back away slowly if dog owner were laughing contemptuously at the poetic justice of the situation though.

Serves the little brat rught

kali yes I do understand why the OP was upset. As I said upthread, the mum's comments were hurtful. And obviously kids should be taught not to throw stuff at and kick animals. I can definitely understand why the OP was upset, and she was within her rights to be upset. However, that doesn't answer the question of whether she should have taken responsibility for her dog's behaviour, despite the fact that the dog was undoubtedly provoked. IMO, the fact that a dog is provoked by a child behaving badly doesn't mean that the owner has no responsibility for its actions.

Idaho the child was up and down from his seat at the next table constantly. Sorry if I hadn't made that clear.

I think Art 'worked in a vets' in the same way that Homer Simpson 'worked in a nuclear power station'

For the last time. The dog was not provoked to chew the toy. It had been asleep until it was hit on the back of the head. It didn't then chew the toy in some sort of revenge, it simply thought "ooh someone has thrown me a toy".

The way I see it is this - You were there first. You had done the right thing and worn your dog out exercising him and he was asleep. You were approached by a woman with a little kid and said no to patting the dog. Cue tantrum. Your dog was still asleep under your seat - on a lead, I presume? Kid is free-ranging and kicks out at your dog. (Still asleep) Kid chucks bear and wakes dog, who kills the bear. The woman was being unreasonable. She let her tanting troll of a kid loose to roam near a dog despite it's owner suggesting that it wouldn't be a good idea. She should be apologizing to you and teaching the kid empathy towards animals.

Just snorted coffee out of my nose sparechange !

Art, please show us the part of the OP's posts that say that her dog was dribbling over people trying to have their coffee?

If the child had ripped the head off a toy belonging to the dog, do you think this mother would have ponied up the money?

I don't like dogs in areas that impose them on others who don't like them. At a vets or in the woods you expect to see dogs, you don't expect to have to be dribbled on by a dog whilst having a coffee

Did I miss the part where OP's dog was dribbling over everyone?

I would rather have a well behaved dog than some of the badly behaved children in cafes. A dog snoozing under the table is a lot less irritating than some kid running around or leaning on my table watching me eat.

My dog is taught the leave command. He's very good at it. He is also taught the fetch command, usually when something is thrown. You can teach the wait command (i.e., I've thrown something but you wait to get it until I say) but that is part of a formal retrieve which is hard work to achieve and normally taught to working dogs. Probably harder to teach than "we don't throw things at animals" or "you don't approach a dog when you have already been told no."

The only thing that I can't imagine is how the dog manage to damage the bear so badly before you stopped it.