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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to pay for decapitated teddy bear

540 replies

RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2016 12:32

So I have a rescue dog who is lovely but has suffered appalling treatment in the past.
He loves meeting people but is very excitable so I am very careful when he is around people. Today I was sat outside a coffee shop and he was being extremely well behaving sitting beside my chair, a woman with a boy aged about 3 came
and sat at the table next to me. The little
boy asked if he could stroke the dog and I explained it was best not to as he might jump up at him. Cue an almighty tantrum, with him screaming "I want to stroke the puppy", his mother told him not to because the dog was obviously "vicious". I explained that he wasn't vicious just excitable. To which point the child yelled "nasty doggy" and kicked out at him missing my my dog, but very close by. I told him not to do it again and to go back and sit with his mother which he did but minutes later he threw his teddy bear at him at which point my dog looked at this soft toy on the ground, picked it up and promptly ripped it's head off. Whilst trying not to die of embarrassment I apologised but the mother completely flipped out, telling me that it was a dangerous dog and should be put to sleep. She then demanded that I pay for the toy. I told her that if he child hadn't thrown it the dog would never have got his paws on it and walked off. I don't think I was BU but my friend thinks I should have coffed up. What do you think?

OP posts:
KondosSecretJunkRoom · 10/10/2016 15:03

Offs, I have to come off this thread:

My god daughter is gentle around dogs and respectful. A testament to her parents and also shows a kind loving character. This toddler who lashed out, could turn into a bully and it should be nipped in the bud now.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Or, it is simply the difference between a child who is familiar with dogs and one who isn't and the difference between parents who are able to teach a child about the behaviour of dogs or parents who do not.

Why are there are so many posters on MN who think they are fucking criminal profilers, diagnosing psychopathy left, right and centre based on the behaviour of a three year old. It's ridiculous, this child is no more likely to be a bully than your godchild, based on this one unfortunate temper tantrum.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 10/10/2016 15:05

Err no they're not robots, but if a person chooses to take them into public places then that person is responsible for their behaviour.

Doesn't that apply to children too?

BlackeyedSusan · 10/10/2016 15:07

child approached dog. was told no.

different if dog approached child and child/parent said please call off your dog. (we met one of those on holiday. dog and child were lucky that the dog did not approach the child that would have bloody kicked the dog)

OnionKnight · 10/10/2016 15:08

YANBU, hell would freeze over before you had to pay.

ilongforlustre · 10/10/2016 15:09

Actually this sort of behaviour is worrying. I like to go to a local wildfowl and wetlands centre with my children and I am stunned by how many times I see children, some of them young, 2, 3, 4 throwing sticks and stones at the birds with no intervention from their parents at all. Ffs, you brought your kids here at no little expense and watch them throw things at the animals?? It's usually the gentle breed of goose... strangely not the swans.

Children do need to learn not to hurt animals, what if this boy had thrown his cup at the dog and hurt it? He only threw what he happened to have in his hand... and yes I suspect he's not adverse to throwing things at his peers when he doesn't get his own way. (Seen far too many of those.)

NoFucksImAQueen · 10/10/2016 15:10

School if the kids kicked it at the dog or towards the dog then I agree it is their fault in the same way if they kicked it in the road and it was run over it would not be the car owners fault. However if they were playing and the dog came bounding over and burst their ball then that is entirely different

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 10/10/2016 15:13

Children do need to learn not to hurt animals, what if this boy had thrown his cup at the dog and hurt it?

Absolutely, they need to be guided towards that learning. We don't just dump them on the psychopathy heap if it takes some longer than others, especially in the absence of a parent with any sense around animals.

TaraCarter · 10/10/2016 15:13

If a three-year-old is a "bully in the making", presumably it's okay for me to lean back in my armchair and declare that all the grown adults on MN who would laugh at a three-year-old seeing their teddy ripped apart are sociopaths, yes?

acasualobserver · 10/10/2016 15:15

Would it be comeuppance if the dog had chewed the toy and then the toddler kicked that dog? Would that be comeuppance for the dog?

No, in the circumstances you describe, comeuppance for the dog would be to have his toy chewed by the child. Hang on ... the dog would probably enjoy that ... let me get back to you.

kali110 · 10/10/2016 15:16

No i don't think at 3 the child is likely to be void of empathy and a bully either, however i do worry what he will learn when his own mother doesn't tell him kicking animals is wrong.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 10/10/2016 15:19

My point casual is that comeuppance is a ridiculous idea around both dogs and children.

ilongforlustre · 10/10/2016 15:21

Kondos - that I completely agree with. In this incident and in too many others I have seen, it is the complete lack of any guidance or teaching that I object to.

The thing is as a dog owner whose dog is actually quite disinterested in children that don't live with him. I get fed up with parents who allow their children to come up, stick their face in his face, hang round his neck, pat him from where he can't see them etc. People don't like it when you say "he doesn't want petting"... it's like children should be able to have whatever they want and any dog not will g must be "vicious".

(I may be projecting rather a lot here).

ilongforlustre · 10/10/2016 15:24

That was "not willing" apologies.

LightDrizzle · 10/10/2016 15:24

YANBU! You were being a responsible dog owner, he was being a stroppy three year old, and she was being a cunt.

Idefix · 10/10/2016 15:25

Yanbu op, but I think you might have got that I dead Wink

I do have images of some pp writing letters to the zoo ask for recompence for little Johnnys toy bear, that me an untimely end after being propelled into the bear, lion, ape enclosure.

The real fault in this situation was this poor boys mum who seemingly couldn't be arsed to adequately supervise her child. For him I feel sorry, because no doubt he will have had very mixed understanding of the event.

Oh and Art don't come Germany either, dogs are welcome almost everywhere. In general the philosophy here is to control your child, and expect to be told to do so if you don't.

Idefix · 10/10/2016 15:26

Idea ffs not I dead...

Idefix · 10/10/2016 15:27

Sorry for typos can't multi task Blush

RetroImp · 10/10/2016 15:27

It doesn't take criminal-profiling skills to see a child that kicks out at another living creature and chucks things at it needs guidance from its parents. Common sense which sadly a lot of entitled people lack. If it isn't addressed then you missing some important cues to teach your children respect and empathy. As a parent it is your fucking responsibility to deal with your kid's behaviour!

Just like ilongforlustre, I've witnessed some parents who stood by watching their young children throw litter and stones at the animals in a wildlife centre. A staff member politely asked the parents to please stop their children from doing that. They did not apologise nor saw reason but instead were rude and condescending to the wildlife employee. I wasn't blaming the kids although I'd hope kids would have more empathy than throwing stuff at defenseless animals. But they pick up such appalling attitudes towards animals from their parents. Luckily, there aren't too many MN posters of this ilk but sad to see that some still want to put the onus of irresponsible, cruel and bad behaviour on others rather than address the issue of kids lashing out towards an animal.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 10/10/2016 15:27

however i do worry what he will learn when his own mother doesn't tell him kicking animals is wrong.

That's a bit different to him deserving a comeuppance. Hopefully another member of the family will fill that gap or, failing that, a teacher or friend later on.

Failing that, he'll probably acquire that empathy towards animals as he becomes older an is able to transfer knowledge from one situation to another.

None of it is worth laughing about though.

MackerelOfFact · 10/10/2016 15:29

YANBU. As any parent of a child with a favourite toy and a propensity towards hurling things will tell you, the price of the toy is completely immaterial as a new replacement teddy will be of absolutely no use whatsoever. The fact that she is asking for money shows that she's just trying it on, IMO.

She just needs to sew the head back on and give poor old Ted a bath.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 10/10/2016 15:29

It doesn't take criminal-profiling skills to see a child that kicks out at another living creature and chucks things at it needs guidance from its parents.

Agreed, could you point out where I suggested where the boy doesn't need guidance or are you just agreeing with all my other points?

RockinHippy · 10/10/2016 15:33

I was was all ready to say YABU

But having read the details YADDDDNBU

The mother is barking mad & needs to up her parenting game, be thankful you are a responsible dog own & teach her poor DS I want, doesn't always get, tantrums don't work & if you are silly enough to throw your teddy at a dog, chances are you will loose it !

trappedinsuburbia · 10/10/2016 15:41

I have a 3 yr old who can be a right wee madam as can all kids that age.
She would have been carted off for trying to kick the dog and it would be me apologising. If her teddy got its head ripped off then tough, she won't be chucking it about again.
I understand why you were embarrassed but you didn't cause the situation. YANBU.

kali110 · 10/10/2016 15:42

kondos i would laugh at the mother if she asked me to pay!
Not at the crying child, but at the sheer brass neck of the mother thinking it was acceptable.
Then again the mother and i would have had words as soon as her child dared to try to kick my animal.
I usually shy away from conflict, except when it comes to them or my dh.

dailybabystuff · 10/10/2016 15:43

Parents who allow their children to start meddling with ANY dog despite the owner's warnings should not be surprised if it ends badly. I have a very sweet dog but he is half poodle, and poodles can be edgy on a bad day, like all intelligent people. When children ask to stroke him I often say "Actually he might be in a bad mood and he might think you are trying to hurt him, so no." Or: "Well, let's think - would you like it if a stranger came up and started thumping you on the top of your head?"
As for people who allow babies to tease dogs...I have no words.
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