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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to pay for decapitated teddy bear

540 replies

RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2016 12:32

So I have a rescue dog who is lovely but has suffered appalling treatment in the past.
He loves meeting people but is very excitable so I am very careful when he is around people. Today I was sat outside a coffee shop and he was being extremely well behaving sitting beside my chair, a woman with a boy aged about 3 came
and sat at the table next to me. The little
boy asked if he could stroke the dog and I explained it was best not to as he might jump up at him. Cue an almighty tantrum, with him screaming "I want to stroke the puppy", his mother told him not to because the dog was obviously "vicious". I explained that he wasn't vicious just excitable. To which point the child yelled "nasty doggy" and kicked out at him missing my my dog, but very close by. I told him not to do it again and to go back and sit with his mother which he did but minutes later he threw his teddy bear at him at which point my dog looked at this soft toy on the ground, picked it up and promptly ripped it's head off. Whilst trying not to die of embarrassment I apologised but the mother completely flipped out, telling me that it was a dangerous dog and should be put to sleep. She then demanded that I pay for the toy. I told her that if he child hadn't thrown it the dog would never have got his paws on it and walked off. I don't think I was BU but my friend thinks I should have coffed up. What do you think?

OP posts:
hmcAsWas · 10/10/2016 13:23

Sparkling - precious little snowflakes aren't born, they are made - by the influences around them, namely their parents mostly. So yes, he may remember the incident (because its upsetting to have a favourite toy destroyed), but he need not develop a lifelong fear of dogs if the situation is explained and contextualised properly....Sadly it probably won't be in this instance because his mother appears to be a useless numpty. A sensible parent might say - I understand its upsetting, but the dog thought you were throwing your teddy as him as something to play with; and dogs play with toys differently to children. He didn't understand that you would want teddy back - he's only a dog and doesn't think like you and me (etc etc)

ilongforlustre · 10/10/2016 13:24

I often sit outside cafés with Dog. Sometimes I take him inside... some café owners like dogs (more than children in some cases).

I wouldn't have paid for the bear either OP... mind you Dog would not have ripped the bears head off... he would have bounced up, grabbed it, chewed it round his mouth to get it in the right position, making it nice and soggy, then taken it back to the child for another throw... retriever.

Just to make you feel better I had the boy next door round for tea with my ds when Dog was quite young. I was supervising most responsibly and had asked the boy not to do celebratory knee slides down the living room laminate as Dog was getting a bit wound up... he would not listen... cue Dog escaping my grasp and rushing over to hump the boy!

Obviously I should have been mortified, what if Dog had been snappy! (He's not) Instead Dog got a pigs ear later on...I am not fond of the boy next door.

Original poster
RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2016 13:25

Idaho I appreciate that you don't know a lot about dogs and it's good that you can make me see how the mother might have felt. There is normally a world of difference between how a dog would see a baby and a stuffed toy. He knows his boundaries, he thought the toy had been given to him, he wouldn't have taken it out of the child's hands. Also if a baby had been crawling around (unlikely since it was outside) I would have removed him.

OP posts:
myownprivateidaho · 10/10/2016 13:25

But if the dog can be taught not to savage a baby why can't it be taught not to savage a toy? Surely the issue is whether the dog reacts to unexpectedly being woken up from sleep with violence or not.

Artandco · 10/10/2016 13:25

I think that if your dogs first instinct is to rip the teddies head off then it should be muzzled. You say it's a rescue and didn't want a child touching a sit could be unpredictable also. What if the child had gone near the dog without you knowing? You need to muzzle so it doesn't try ripping a child's head off next time

NickiFury · 10/10/2016 13:25

This made me laugh - the ripping head off thing I mean.

Would be a cold day in hell before I paid for that toy.

abbsismyhero · 10/10/2016 13:28

Honestly if I had been the mother I would have taken my child away before he threw something because I know that is what my three year old is like unfortunately he tends to throw cars and plastic cups which would be worse than a teddy

KinkyAfro · 10/10/2016 13:29

Oh behave artandco, bit of a leap from destroying a toy to ripping a child's head off ffs

Original poster
RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2016 13:29

I absolutely did not say my dog was unpredictable, I said he loves people
and is bouncy, and I take steps
to prevent that becoming an issue. I also said he has no agession issues. I will not be muzzling him.

OP posts:
GinIsIn · 10/10/2016 13:29

Dog toys and baby toys are very similar - why would you want to teach your dog it's not allowed to play with any toys at all, rather than the mother teaching her special snowflake not to throw things at animals?! Just because a dog chews a toy does not mean to going to rip a child's face off- please don't say such stupid things as all it dos is encourage the misconception.

hesterton · 10/10/2016 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 10/10/2016 13:29

If my dog destroyed a 3 year old's bear for whatever reason, I would offer to pay.

LBOCS2 · 10/10/2016 13:30

But why should the dog be taught not to 'savage' a toy? In usual circumstances, dogs aren't woken by toys by being doinked on the head by them. Dog toys look a lot like stuffed toys. And actually, the dog didn't growl, or snap, or behave violently at all when it was woken. It just ripped up the chew toy which as far as the dog is concerned, it was offered. If he'd stolen it out of a toddler's hand then my answer would be different but in this case, OP, YADNBU.

ReginaBlitz · 10/10/2016 13:31

I k is I shouldn't but this made me laugh! Tough fucking shit serves the little shite right for abusing the dog some kids need to learn manners.

Lancelottie · 10/10/2016 13:31

Dogs chew soft toys (and most owners prefer them to chew toys rather than shoes, homework, table legs, fingers etc). It doesn't mean it's at all a vicious dog.

I think I'd have offered to buy a new teddy, though, because three-year-olds are not responsible for their own daftness any more than dogs are.

Artandco · 10/10/2016 13:31

No. Your dog is bouncy and unpredictable. It needs a muzzle. In fact I think all dogs even super friendly should be muzzled at all times when outside. In some countries this is law anyway.

If your dog bounced up and licked me that's disgusting also.

SoupDragon · 10/10/2016 13:32

You do realise a muzzle goes on the snout, not on the legs and thus won't stop a dog jumping, don't you...?

sparechange · 10/10/2016 13:33

I think that if your dogs first instinct is to rip the teddies head off then it should be muzzled.

My brother used to snap all the heads of my dolls when we were kids. It is a small miracle he didn't go on to be a serial killer Hmm

Artandco · 10/10/2016 13:33

The law in U.K. Can actually make you muzzle a dog

''If a complaint has been made about a dog to the council or police, its owners could be ordered to do any or all of the following:

*Attend dog training classes
*Muzzle the dog or require it to be on a lead in public
*Require the dog to be microchipped and/or neutered
*Repair fencing to prevent the dog leaving the property''

So if the mother complained, you would potentially have to muzzle your dog full time anyway outside

Artandco · 10/10/2016 13:34

Yes but a muzzle with stop ripping off toys, biting and licking others

GinIsIn · 10/10/2016 13:34

That's ok, art - my dog has discerning taste. She wouldn't be rushing to lick you in a month of Sundays.... Hmm

Original poster
RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2016 13:34

Artandco The only way you would ever get
close enough to be licked is if you physically put yourself in that position as he is always kept on a lead whilst out.

OP posts:
sparechange · 10/10/2016 13:34

art
There isn't a hope in hell an order would be made against the dog to be muzzled as a result of this. Stop talking such utter nonsense! You're making yourself look really silly

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 10/10/2016 13:35

I can't believe he kicked at your dog and she did nothing!

If a child kicked at my dog they would be getting told why it is a bad idea to instigate violence against an animal bigger than you with sharp teeth, before they did it to another dog and got bitten.

I really hope the teddy bear incident has made him scared of dogs, since his mother doesn't seem to value him enough to keep him safe around them.

And who watches their child kick at anything, a dog, cat or another child, and doesn't stop them? Every child deserves to be told why violent behaviour is wrong before it gets them into trouble.

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 10/10/2016 13:35

Artandco you absolute banana, what a load of tosh.