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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to pay for decapitated teddy bear

540 replies

RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2016 12:32

So I have a rescue dog who is lovely but has suffered appalling treatment in the past.
He loves meeting people but is very excitable so I am very careful when he is around people. Today I was sat outside a coffee shop and he was being extremely well behaving sitting beside my chair, a woman with a boy aged about 3 came
and sat at the table next to me. The little
boy asked if he could stroke the dog and I explained it was best not to as he might jump up at him. Cue an almighty tantrum, with him screaming "I want to stroke the puppy", his mother told him not to because the dog was obviously "vicious". I explained that he wasn't vicious just excitable. To which point the child yelled "nasty doggy" and kicked out at him missing my my dog, but very close by. I told him not to do it again and to go back and sit with his mother which he did but minutes later he threw his teddy bear at him at which point my dog looked at this soft toy on the ground, picked it up and promptly ripped it's head off. Whilst trying not to die of embarrassment I apologised but the mother completely flipped out, telling me that it was a dangerous dog and should be put to sleep. She then demanded that I pay for the toy. I told her that if he child hadn't thrown it the dog would never have got his paws on it and walked off. I don't think I was BU but my friend thinks I should have coffed up. What do you think?

OP posts:
SmellySphinx · 10/10/2016 13:05

Fuck no would I pay for the teddy bear.
You told the kid and mother twice.
He shouldn't have thrown the toy.

It doesn't matter what the owner of the dog says really, don't let your child near a strangers dog especially with a bear which a lot of dogs see as a chew toy.

Godstopper · 10/10/2016 13:06

YANBU.

Only the child was out of control, and judging by the mother's attitude, it is no surprise. I hope she was taught a much needed lesson.

Sunshine51 · 10/10/2016 13:07

Well done Doggy, yanbu!

SapphireStrange · 10/10/2016 13:07

I'd offer to pay for behaviour classes for her and her child instead.

hmcAsWas · 10/10/2016 13:08

Good one Dog! He should be taken home and given a treat

Sparklingbrook · 10/10/2016 13:10

This sounds like the sort of thing that sticks in a child's memory. 'When I was 3 a dog ripped the head off my teddy outside a cafe'. Cue a life long fear of dogs.

StepCatsmother · 10/10/2016 13:10

Glastonbury - I don't think it's a good idea to sit with a dog outside a café.

From this particular story, I'd say it's not a good idea to sit with a small, badly behaved child outside a café.

myownprivateidaho · 10/10/2016 13:10

Good one Dog! He should be taken home and given a treat

Oh ffs. I agree there's something of a grey area when someone throws a toy at a dog as to whose fault it is if someone destroys it. But of course a dog should not be "treated" for destroying others' property. That's insane.

hmcAsWas · 10/10/2016 13:12

Only for delicate little snowflakes surely!

I was bitten by a dog (not seriously) when little - I remember it but do not have a life long fear of dogs (down to sensible parenting and other factors I suppose)

hmcAsWas · 10/10/2016 13:13

Get a grip myown - there's steam coming out of your ears Shock

(I wasn't being literal - just revelling in the poetic justice of the situation, sheesh)

Original poster
RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2016 13:15

Thanks for all your replies, they make for very interesting reading. Fortunately the only
effect of is previous treatment which included being kept in a shed and never let out is that he loves the outside world and meeting people. He has never shown any aggression (if he had I would NEVER sit outside a cafe with him). I have no problem with adult stroking him it's just that he's very bouncy and I don't want him to knock a small child over.

OP posts:
user1474907171 · 10/10/2016 13:15

Waiting for a thread asking 'Where can I find a teddy like this, my precious snowflake threw his at a sleeping dog and the dog thought it was a game so he ate it and now we desperately need a replacement because he can't possibly live without the teddy?'

Sparklingbrook · 10/10/2016 13:16

I don't think young children have to be 'delicate little snowflakes' to remember horrible things that happened.

myownprivateidaho · 10/10/2016 13:17

Sorry, but I'm pretty nervous around dogs, and it doesn't help reading a thread full of dog owners who don't see anything wrong with a dog decapitating a teddy that got too close. I mean, I get the kid was in the wrong, but what if it was a baby that got too close? Ideally, you've got to train the dog out of reacting this way.

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/10/2016 13:17

No, I do not think you should have paid for the thrown toy. It shouldn't have been thrown at your dog.

Mind you I would have been laughing too hard at the scene to feel embarrassed. But I'm evil that way.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 10/10/2016 13:18

From the mother's point of view, she couldn't control her toddler's tantrum and all she saw was her crying child and a ruined teddy. If it's any consolation she is probably upset at how she reacted and wishing she'd kept her son away.
Sometimes people react in the heat of the moment and with hindsight wish they had handled it differently.

Looking out for the mother's thread, "A dog ripped my son's teddy to shreds in a cafe" coming soon to MN. Grin

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 10/10/2016 13:19

If a baby got too close then its parents should have a word with themselves, but I doubt very much that just because the dog chewed up a toy that means it would do the same to a baby!

justanothermnuser · 10/10/2016 13:20

YANBU, I'm laughing so much at the idea of the dog decapitating the brat's teddy 😂

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/10/2016 13:20

If only the mother realised her over indulged child needs to learn life lessons, it would have been a wonderful life lesson.

You were darn well not unreasonable. The woman acted appallingly. Or did you say it was two 3 yr olds on their own?

myownprivateidaho · 10/10/2016 13:21

Yes, of course people should behave responsibly around dogs. I don't argue with that in the slightest. BUT IMO dog owners have to be sure that their dogs will not react badly even if people don't behave responsibly.

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 10/10/2016 13:21

I think YANBU. Kid learned a lesson hopefully, snowflake or not.

appalachianwalzing · 10/10/2016 13:22

Most dogs - esp terriers- have toys, usually they get toys so they can play catch, run around with them, have a good chew. As such, soft toys for dogs look a lot like teddys but are sturdier- this dog obviously started to play with a toy thrown at it (natural reaction) but as it was a teddy for a toddler not a dog it disintegrated.

Dogs know not to go for humans or babies, they're basically trained to play with soft toys so it's v different.

Godstopper · 10/10/2016 13:22

World of difference between decapitating a furry toy and aggression towards a toddler!

Destroying toys is what many dogs do: my Border Terrier does it with proper head-shakes and growling, but has yet, oddly enough, yet to nip the children that visit our house.

It is perfectly normal dog behavior, and indeed, is to be encouraged since it allows them to safely act out their instincts. Yes, perhaps the OP could train a 'Leave' command, but as for the behaviour itself? Certainly not.

Inertia · 10/10/2016 13:22

The response of the mother clearly indicates why the child thought it was acceptable to kick and throw things at a dog . All toddlers push boundaries, but the mother should have kept him away from the dog. Surely one of the things you teach a toddler as early as possible is that they must not approach dogs unless their parent and the dog owner give permission?

GinIsIn · 10/10/2016 13:22

myown I'm sorry you are nervous but frankly that's really quite daft - what if it was a baby? What if it was? My dog would pick up a teddy that was thrown at it or to it, because it would think it was a dog toy. My dog is not the brightest but even she is smart enough to not confuse a baby with a dog toy. Oh, and if anyone threw a baby at a dog, I think he dog is the least of its worries!