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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to pay for decapitated teddy bear

540 replies

RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2016 12:32

So I have a rescue dog who is lovely but has suffered appalling treatment in the past.
He loves meeting people but is very excitable so I am very careful when he is around people. Today I was sat outside a coffee shop and he was being extremely well behaving sitting beside my chair, a woman with a boy aged about 3 came
and sat at the table next to me. The little
boy asked if he could stroke the dog and I explained it was best not to as he might jump up at him. Cue an almighty tantrum, with him screaming "I want to stroke the puppy", his mother told him not to because the dog was obviously "vicious". I explained that he wasn't vicious just excitable. To which point the child yelled "nasty doggy" and kicked out at him missing my my dog, but very close by. I told him not to do it again and to go back and sit with his mother which he did but minutes later he threw his teddy bear at him at which point my dog looked at this soft toy on the ground, picked it up and promptly ripped it's head off. Whilst trying not to die of embarrassment I apologised but the mother completely flipped out, telling me that it was a dangerous dog and should be put to sleep. She then demanded that I pay for the toy. I told her that if he child hadn't thrown it the dog would never have got his paws on it and walked off. I don't think I was BU but my friend thinks I should have coffed up. What do you think?

OP posts:
MudCity · 10/10/2016 15:45

As someone who also has a wonderful rescue dog, YANBU.

Your poor dog. He did nothing wrong.

Child might have learned a valuable lesson although, with a mother like that, he doesn't stand much of a chance.

No need for you to die of embarrassment at all. The mother should be embarrassed at the behaviour of her child though.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 10/10/2016 15:45

kondos i would laugh at the mother if she asked me to pay!

Hmm Blush I may owe a lot of apologies if that's what everyone meant. Fuck, Sorry. Flowers

Anyone want free cake? Cake Cake

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 10/10/2016 15:47

But the comeuppance thing and profiling thing still stands.

sarahsarah76 · 10/10/2016 15:47

I think the mother should've looked on in fear and imagined that teddy being her child had she done an even worse job of raising it

ShmooBooMoo · 10/10/2016 15:48

YANBU at all! The child needs to learn a lesson: to keep hands and objects to himself, and to do as he is told.

dailybabystuff · 10/10/2016 15:48

Have you thought of getting one of those "space dog" dog coats that say "give me space" or "nervous" so that parents can't complain you didn't warn them.

EddieVeddersfoxymop · 10/10/2016 15:50

Did anyone else think that this was going to be about a horrific accident in Build a Bear? No? I'll get me coat then.......

QueenLizIII · 10/10/2016 15:51

Havent rtft but you had your pet under control and placid which is no easy task given the history.

That silly mare can't even teach a 3 yo the meaning of the word no or to respect animals are not play things.

Fuck her.

Valuable lesson learned for the boy. I doubt he will throw any more toys.

RetroImp · 10/10/2016 16:06

Pretty sure every parent had their toddler throw a tantrum, especially when they are bored, tired and feel frustrated at the world because they can't exactly rationalise their upset. I would not be blaming the child and probably sympathise with the parent. Sometimes your otherwise sweet and lovely child will turn into a little sh*t. But it's down to the adult to deal with the fall-out. What if the toddler had thrown a harder object and it landed unfortunately and hurt the dog? Luckily, it was a soft object. For my SC it wouldn't have been about the monetary value of a teddy. So I would not laugh at the child losing what might be a very treasured comfort when it might be too young to figure out the consequences. Our teddies mostly were ancient (handed down and loved by more than one generation of kids) and pretty ravaged by time and 'love'. I have re-attached heads, eyes, noses and limbs on countless occasions. Sometimes it was due to squabbles when SS and SD were pulling a toy, arguing over it. Then when it ripped they were both upset. I re-attached it and they made it a bandage and sling and then peacefully played with it, nursing it back to health. For those who mentioned the kid being traumatised by seeing it's teddy decapitated. Well, there be an opportunity to try and repair it and explain that he both hurt the doggie and his poor Teddy. I have rescue dogs and rather not fuel anti-dog people's issues, so would have removed myself from any argument just like the OP if the parent was unreasonable and at fault. The mother is setting some pretty bad example by firstly not addressing the kicking of the dog, then blaming the dog owner for the teddy and then expecting money for an item, putting a price on a potentially sentimental possession. It seems such a detached and materialistic attitude,instead of taking responsibility.

ArcheryAnnie · 10/10/2016 16:06

Another one here saying you were not being unreasonable and you should not have been asked to pay!

Glastonbury · 10/10/2016 16:08

Restless

You asked me earlier in the thread why I don't think dogs should be at a café. It's nothing to do with the cleanliness side of it. We have always had rescue dogs and have never tied them up outside shops, cafés, pubs etc. I don't think it's fair on the dog to be tied up in a potentially noisy, busy place.

Marcipex · 10/10/2016 16:08

Of course you shouldn't pay for a toy that a child threw at your dog!
It's easy enough to sew a teddy head back on anyway, teddies these days are such wimps imo.

Notso · 10/10/2016 16:13

While I do think the Mother was in the wrong, at three I couldn't promise my children wouldn't have a tantrum or indeed lash out in anger. I could promise that I would always react to their behaviour. I would be horrified if my child tried to kick someone's dog.
I can see why the mother might think the dog was dangerous, but I don't think OP needed to pay for the teddy.
However given the dog was on a lead, with OP watching but still managed to hold on to the teddy long enough to shake the head off it then maybe it isn't ready to be in public places like cafes until it has been trained appropriately.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 10/10/2016 16:15

Did anyone else think this would be about a horrific accident in Build A Bear?

Ha ha that's hilarious.. "Here's your Build A Bear, sorry about his missing head, it unfortunately got caught in our machinery. You'll have to pay anyway, Madam. That's our Build A Bear policy I'm afraid"

SadSock · 10/10/2016 16:16

Retrolmp nailed it

IAmNotAMindReader · 10/10/2016 16:17

Oh my god those last clips on that video show breath taking stupidity. Stupid, stupid parents. Each dog was signalling they were uncomfortable with the situation and were ignored until in the inevitable happened.

This situation was a failure of the parent to get a grip and stop indulging her special snowflake. The dog was just 1 danger of allowing your child to free roam unchecked and tantrum in an area were sharp objects, breakable objects, and hot food and drink are frequently carried. The dog was the least of her worries. She's lucky the kid didn't get a tray of hot food dropped on him.

Original poster
RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2016 16:39

notso there may a slight delay due to the fact that after the attempted kick I'd shuffled him under the table. Also it wasn't a particularly large or sturdy teddy. A bit like a beanie baby if anyone remembers them. I promise you it was almost instantaneously.

OP posts:
SquedgieBeckenheim · 10/10/2016 16:44

daily that video made me feel incredibly sad for the dogs.

ParForTheCourses · 10/10/2016 17:07

Yanbu. In your situation I wouldn't have paid, in the mother's I wouldn't have expected you too. But then again if you'd said to stay away from the dog I wouldn't be letting my child go up close to it.

Eevee77 · 10/10/2016 17:10

I absolutely thought it was going to be a build a bear post Grin YANBU OP

Therewere5inthebed · 10/10/2016 17:14

There seem to be a fair few dog phobic posters projecting their fear. I'm sure they'd give the same response to any post involving a dog.. 'of course it's the dog's fault' when they neither understand dog behaviour and are unable to be objective due to fear.

I'm a dog owner and there are occasions that I agree that a dog owner handled a situation involving their dog rather poorly but this certainly isn't one of them.
Myown and art I'm looking at you.

bettytaghetti · 10/10/2016 17:14

Thank you dailybabystuff for posting that video; a good reminder to all of us that have enjoyed watching cutesy videos on the internet.

ilovesprouts · 10/10/2016 17:16

Yanbu GrinGrin

Caipira · 10/10/2016 17:26

You shouldnt have to pay. That's ridiculous, surely she can sew the head back on.

On the other hand it sounds like you are not quick enough with your dog. If someone threw something at my dog I'd get the dog out of the way of the object fast and wouldn't give the dog a chance to get the object. You let your dog get the teddy rather than picking it up yourself. In coffee shops my dogs are under my table on short leads. My child's friend was bitten by a free roaming dog in a coffee shop because the owner was too complacent. A damaged rescue needs to be completely under your control. If it was able to rip up a teddy bear then you didn't have enough control.

GinIsIn · 10/10/2016 17:32

Caipira RTFT - The OP couldn't get to the toy first because she'd tucked the dog in under the table after the child kicked it.