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AIBU?

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Original poster

A minor celeb came on to me inappropriately should I report?

382 replies

Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 14:40

Got a bit of a dilemma.

After watching the jammy Saville doc last week I remembered that earlier this year a current v minor TV presenter several times touched my leg at a charity dinner. It was in a busy room and I was too shocked/confused to ask him to stop! I had only just met him and was three months pregnant so wasn't flirting and I believe his behaviour was sleazy if not predatory.

This person has already been reprimanded for inappropriate behaviour at work in the past so I believe he has form.

My question is, should I tell his employer even though he wasn't attending in a work capacity? Or should I just email him and say that I am on to him?

I don't want a fuss by the way and it was possible that he was just being "friendly" Hmm but it occurred to me that Saville got away so long because of women minimising incidents like this one.

OP posts:
justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 21:00

but things have probably changed now... i don't know much about how it works now

theclick · 09/10/2016 21:00

To be honest I wouldn't tell the police you "remembered" it. Makes it seem as if it wasn't really that big a thing to you and now you're reporting it. They will be less inclined to take it seriously.

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 21:01

cool. i am British myself originally. well, a British person of Russian Jewish descent. i moved back here two years ago after living in New Zealand. i have been all over :)

fastdaytears · 09/10/2016 21:04

It's not sexual harassment if it's at a social event.

It's not great behaviour and this guy is obviously a bit of a twat, but it's hardly uncommon and it's not an offence. Unfortunately, IME this IS how a lot of men "chat someone up".

Lweji · 09/10/2016 21:07

It's not sexual harassment if it's at a social event.

Dear god.

fastdaytears · 09/10/2016 21:09

There was no connection between the OP and minor celebrity though. How would you frame it as sexual harassment. Genuinely interested.

littleprincesssara · 09/10/2016 21:11

Hopefully the OP is still reading:

I had literally the exact same thing happen to me (minus the being pregnant bit) earlier this year. It is unpleasant and can be traumatic. And yes, the fact it's a celeb does make a difference. Maybe it shouldn't, but it does, for various reasons (the power dynamic, the knowledge that any action could result in horrible media attention, and in my case due to working in the entertainment industry the potential damage to my own career and professional reputation).

I can't tell you what to do. All I can say is, in my own experience, I contacted the person's boss but without naming the person. I was happy with the response I got and they laid out my options for me. I chose not to pursue any of those options, but I was happy they treated it seriously. I also know that if the man in my case ever did anything again, there would be a record of my original complaint.

So if you do decide you want/need to do something, contacting their boss (so in the case of a TV presenter, it would the exec producer of his TV show) might be an option. You don't have to name names, and it's probably better not to name names straight away, but just to say one of their employees treated you inappropriately and see what kind of response you get.

Ultimately the reason I didn't pursue any official avenues is because I spoke to the man in question and we resolved things privately (he knew full well he'd behaved badly, and apologised). Of course each situation is unique and I'm not necessarily advocating that you contact your minor celeb because his reaction might be very different from mine.

Lweji · 09/10/2016 21:11

What do you mean no connection?

And why are you normalising uninvited and inappropriate touching as the same as chatting up?

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 21:12

oh i must have misread the thread then. it seemed that she was describing the man as someone who had been in trouble with his work for harassing people. but i may be wrong. just how it looked from the post.

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 21:13

anyway i have said my bit.

fastdaytears · 09/10/2016 21:15

No connection as in they met that day and don't work together. I am genuinely trying to understand you but I don't know how you would get this to be sexual harassment.

I would love the uninvited touching not to be normal because I hate it. But it is and it's not illegal (unless you can educate me because I'm genuinely confused) so I just don't know what the OP wants to do.

fastdaytears · 09/10/2016 21:17

someone who had been in trouble with his work for harassing people

Yes she thinks he has but unless I've missed something, she doesn't work there.

Scrumptiousbears · 09/10/2016 21:25

I haven't ready to whole tread but to the OP is ask myself:

What outcome do I want if I did report it

V

How likely will I actually get that outcome

It maybe more hassle than it's worth as there is no evidence.

HexBramble · 09/10/2016 21:28

It's not sexual harassment if it's at a social event.

Gives up.

fastdaytears · 09/10/2016 21:30

I am more than happy for someone to explain to me how it is sexual harassment. I might be thinking about this too much like a lawyer.

User8530 · 09/10/2016 21:33

I am agog at the amount of people on here who don't know what sexual assault is.

For all the posters saying "what about when a man touches your b in a club, is THAT illegal then???" The answer is yes- yes it is. It's not 'flirting' and it's not 'tactile' it is touching someone who does not consent in a sexual way, therefore it is defined as sexual assault in the UK and is illegal.

A man touched my bum in a nightclub once- I reported it to the staff who took it very seriously and contacted the police, they took a statement and had me identify him on the CCTV footage. Turns out he was the same man who later went on to force himself on a woman down a dark alley later that same night.

Do not assume that 'casual groping' is as far away from rape as you think.

User8530 · 09/10/2016 21:34

*bum, not b!

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 21:35

maybe the OP misunderstood the situation. no biggie

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 21:35

she didn't mean any harm

User8530 · 09/10/2016 21:35

From the Sexual Offences Act 2003-

(1)A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a)he intentionally touches another person (B),
(b)the touching is sexual,
(c)B does not consent to the touching, and
(d)A does not reasonably believe that B consents.

fastdaytears · 09/10/2016 21:39

Touching someone's leg is not sexual touching for the purposes of sexual assault. Touching their bum is. I'm glad that guy was found.

I do not think this is acceptable. I do think it's pretty normal though and I don't think the OP has any recourse. I would love to be wrong about that.

HmmmmBop · 09/10/2016 21:40

I don't get it. How is it not sexual harassment if it happens at a social event? In what way does that mean you're thinking like a lawyer?

User8530 · 09/10/2016 21:41

How do you know if it's for the purposes of sexual assault? I personally can't see the need to touch anyone's leg out of sight under a table without their consent, can you?

fastdaytears · 09/10/2016 21:43

Purposes as in for the purpose of defining sexual touching.

Anyway, I am not defending this guy because I think he is an idiot. The OP is not coming back but if she does and you guys think that there is something the police can do then that would be brilliant.

PassMeTheFrazzlesPlease · 09/10/2016 21:46

Actually, touching someone's leg might well be sexual assault.

Touching a woman's foot without consent has been classed as sexual assault - the man had a foot fetish.

Whoever it was who claimed to be "thinking like a lawyer" - you are clearly not a lawyer.