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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

A minor celeb came on to me inappropriately should I report?

382 replies

Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 14:40

Got a bit of a dilemma.

After watching the jammy Saville doc last week I remembered that earlier this year a current v minor TV presenter several times touched my leg at a charity dinner. It was in a busy room and I was too shocked/confused to ask him to stop! I had only just met him and was three months pregnant so wasn't flirting and I believe his behaviour was sleazy if not predatory.

This person has already been reprimanded for inappropriate behaviour at work in the past so I believe he has form.

My question is, should I tell his employer even though he wasn't attending in a work capacity? Or should I just email him and say that I am on to him?

I don't want a fuss by the way and it was possible that he was just being "friendly" Hmm but it occurred to me that Saville got away so long because of women minimising incidents like this one.

OP posts:
justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 19:22

OP, i wish you well. it is up to you what you decide,m but i'm here if you need me. i have my referral tommorrow and i will see if they can give me nay help . i'm just sharing that you will recover. it has taken me a few yeARS but i'm getting there ad learning to be compassionate to myself and others. you will too

daisychain01 · 09/10/2016 19:23

Having read the latest comments, it is treading on very dangerous ground for people to judge how individuals feel when they are groped. Some people can just brush it off and tell the bloke to 'do one', but if someone is already feeling vulnerable, or if they suffered from childhood abuse, It isn't down to people who don't know the persons circumstances to stand in judgement.

I'm not qualified, but it does seem pretty damn harsh to single people out on here and tell them they don't deserve any access to support.

instantly · 09/10/2016 19:25

Well this got weird....

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 19:26

yes, i was only trying to stick up for OP. maybe my case is different because i'm very shy and self effacing but i needed help with it and didn't tell my attempted rapist to eff off

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 19:29

instantly, i'm sorry that my post upset you. i didn't know what happened to me wasn't abuse. my counsellor said it was and that i have PTSD because of it. i believed her because i am a bit gullible. my bad. anyway i am moving on from it and enjoying ,my life and OP will too. my grandfather survived Hitler and i know that people can survive anything

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 19:30

sorry OP, if my clumsy attempts to help made things worse for you on here

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 19:31

to be honestly, Instantly, i hate myself for being a push over. to let myself get raped at 10 and than almost raped again at 14. i know how OP feels, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 19:32

i don't want any other abuse victim to go through feeling like i did. and i feel sad for OP that she may be blaming herself

instantly · 09/10/2016 19:32
Squeegle · 09/10/2016 19:35

Let's just get back to the original issue shall we? I don't think OP said she had been abused,she was more worried that all the indications were that this minor celebnhad not stopped his sleaziness and her words (if she reported him) may help someone else not to have to suffer from him.

WombatChocolate · 09/10/2016 19:45

All of this does make me wonder if there is a concrete definition of abuse or assault. I think everyone knows rape is in this category, but we clearly don't agree about leg touching. Is some of it a perception thing? Op has been very upset by it, but others might not have ever thought about it after the evening and whilst annoyed might not have felt abused or assaulted.

Mindfields · 09/10/2016 19:49

Mumsnet can be a strange old place.

Wolf whistling being labelled a hate crime is given the thumbs up, but unwanted physical contact from a man is seen by lots of people as 'meh, get over yourself he was just being friendly'. Confused

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 19:54

i guess i'm being oversensitive but i worry that the OP might be blaming herself rather than saying the man is a creep? but being undiagnosed Aspie, i may have interpreted the thread wrong?

HexBramble · 09/10/2016 19:54

YY Mindfields.

Some posters need to step away from this thread.

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 19:55

i'm a bit embarassed to say this thread has me in tears because so many men seem to think it is ok to use women and girls as playthings?

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 19:56

i think maybe as a rape survivor, i'm more sensitive about it but i don't know? a lot of people seemed to think the OP was overreacting. even if she were though, that is not their business

HexBramble · 09/10/2016 19:57

just I'm sorry you're upset, and I'm saying this as gently as I can, but for the OP's sake, perhaps consider stepping away from this thread.

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 19:58

WombatChocolate i felt violated and had a full on panic attack when it happened. and it wasn't my legs. he was inside my girlie bits! and the OP may have felt it was a big deal

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 19:59

but OP isn't on it anymore? and why do i need to step away when i am on here to get support as im in same situation as OP? I was defending her. i think you have the wrong person?

PikachuSayBoo · 09/10/2016 20:00

Surely from a legal perspective a sexual assault has to involve genitals? So having your vulva or bum or breasts groped is sexual assault. But legally a leg is no different to an arm or a hand.

Pisssssedofff · 09/10/2016 20:02

From a HR perspective if it happened in the work place it doesn't matter if he or she groped your toe nail, unwanted contact is unwanted contact

nellypledge16 · 09/10/2016 20:03

But Just, you have basically hijacked the OP's thread and made it about you now. I agree you may benefit from starting your own thread to get the understanding and support you are obviously craving. Unfortunately you are taking this thread down a very different path, imo.

Bluechip · 09/10/2016 20:07

I'm really shocked by comments on this thread. No, being groped at a charity event isn't the same as a child being abused. It's not a comparison. ( although Savile did both.)

Just because an act isn't a violation against a child, or a rape, doesn't mean it isn't invasive and offensive, particularly from someone in a position of power. ABH is still a crime even if it isn't murder. Acts can be judged on their own merit without comparison to others. Flowers to you OP. I understand why you were in shock and found it hard to speak out.

I would not suggest you email him. I think that would not be helpful. If I were you I would speak to the organiser of the event and say 'I felt so uncomfortable and shocked at his behaviour I felt unable to say anything at the time, but I think you should know that he behaved inappropriately. Please don't employ him again.'

And yes, it would have been good to say something at the time. Sometimes it's hard to when you're actually in that situation. I and I hope others on this thread gain all the time from people speaking out about what has happened to them so if it happens to us hopefully we will do. Being groped by someone is a nasty experience.

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 20:07

nellypledge16, no, i was on here defending the OP and i wanted to explain that OP wasn't overreacting so i shared my life so people can see what sexual assault does to people. the poeple picking on the OP were judging from the outside. they haven't been there so i was trying to explain and then they said i shouldn't have got support and called it abuse. OP has no problem with me

mydietstartsmonday · 09/10/2016 20:08

He only touched your leg, he didn't force you, he didn't touch an intimate part of your body, it went no further. You need to let it go and moved on. This is ridiculous. People flirt, people are tactile that is how people meet and get together. If you don't like it you take it no further. This is not abuse.
I am not sure what you hope to gain from this but to me you are just riding the and wagon.

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