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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL narrating my child's thoughts...

169 replies

CeeCee00 · 09/10/2016 11:22

Guess I should preface this by saying that on the whole my MIL is great and I have a lovely relationship with her and the whole family. However, I have found them a bit challenging since having our first baby.

This week my husband went away for work and she came to stay for a couple of days to spend some time with my dd and give me a hand. I welcomed this and was very grateful. My dd is 9 months and going through a cranky AF stage and screams and wails when you get her dressed, change her nappy etc.. it's no fun, but fine. She does it whoever she's with.

Now my MIL has been doing this 'narrating' thing for a while but this was the first time she and I had been alone with my daughter for that length of time so I guess I noticed it more. She'd be with my DD, playing or whatever and would sometimes talk for her, iyswim... 'I think I'm hungry now mummy' type stuff. Didn't take much notice but she really upped the ante when I'd be doing something my DD didn't enjoy so me changing her nappy would involve her screeching and kicking her legs, me trying to be quick and then my MIL constantly hovering saying things like 'I don't like this mummy' ...'stop messing around with me' ....'oh I don't like being fiddled with'... EVERY TIME all through the day. I found it weird but mainly felt massively criticised and like I was doing it wrong. I gave it some thought and wondered if it was an empathy exercise on my MIL's part. Maybe...but it's not actually what my child is thinking. She might not be enjoying it, but I'm wildly confident that she's not thinking 'stop fiddling with me, mummy' in an adults baby voice!

Anyway, I sucked it up. MIL left yesterday, after she was gone I got really wound up and last night told my husband that he's going to have to speak to his mum and explain that it makes me feel shit and can we find a way to avoid that in the future. I'd like to move on without making a issue of it but the fucking voice has to stop.

He can't stand any confrontation and became really awkward and annoyed with me. He was reluctant to say anything to them, kept talking about how we need to work out what critising his parents would do, would it help in the long run etc... we had a huge fight and I slept in my DDs room.

To avoid drip feeding, there have been a couple of instances in the last 9 months where he's had to speak to his parents: 1 - 'dad, please don't fall asleep on the sofa holding our newborn, it's very dangerous as she might move and suffocate.' 2 - 'please don't take the newborn baby away from CeeCee if she's crying as it's not helpful and stresses my wife out even more.'

They are generally brilliant people but those things had to be said and we moved on fine.

AIBU about this issue?

OP posts:

Clankboing · 26/10/2016 02:20

"Mummy, mummy, why did you shove my nappy in to Grandma's face?"

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 26/10/2016 03:03

PMSL@ cut it out Linda

That's all

user1477282676 · 26/10/2016 03:08

Narrate MIL's actions as she used various implements around the house "Oooh...I don't like it when MIL slams me!" (Mil closing door}

"Help! Help! MIL's going to EAT me all up!" (MIL eating biscuit)

Etc.

ohdearme1958 · 26/10/2016 05:15

My mil does that. It drives me mad. And she also does the thing of asking questions directly to the baby as if he's going to answer, eg. 'And how many teeth have you got now then?' And will repeat over and over 😠

In all seriousness 😊 whats wrong with speaking to the baby and asking how many teeth he or she has? I have 5 children and 6 grandchildren and have obviously been doing it all wrong. We used to be told chat to the baby about anything. And I think this is where the MIL in the opening post is getting it from also. She's saying the kind of things she'd say when changing her baby years ago and now she's doing it when her grandchild is being changed etc.

If I was changing one of my grandchildren and his other granny was standing beside me I wouldn't bat an eyelid at this kind of talk going on.

Tuktuktaker · 26/10/2016 05:53

ohdearme1958's post reminds me that I would regularly talk to my baby daughter about what I was doing whilst (but not only!) out supermarket shopping, with her facing me in her carry-seat in the trolley. I was 39 when I had her, and I remember a much younger mum, also with her baby, watching me and then asking: "Are you allowed to talk to them like that, then?"

Tuktuktaker · 26/10/2016 05:56

*I never did that annoying third person silly voice thing, though, just spoke to her as if she was a real person

Tiggywinkler · 26/10/2016 09:26

Good advice above.

My personal anecdote on the topic? A four hour car journey with MIL in the back narrating every cow, sheep, tree and fucking lorry we saw to 7 month old DD.

"Ooh look, look! A tree! A nice big tree! A nice big green tree!" Ad finitum.

There's still fingernail marks in the front seat from where I clenched to stop me ejecting her from the sunroof.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 26/10/2016 12:45

ohdearme

You are quite right, talking to a baby is absolutely fine and indeed is a very wise thing to do.
You can talk to a baby about anything and everything, they will adore the sound of your voice, listening to your words, the attention. It's how they learn.
All those years of inquiring about their teeth or whether they enjoyed their nap - you did the right thing!

Talking through/for a baby is quite weird though. I never had anyone do that to my kids. I'm quite tempted to start actually, I need to test the reactions of my teens!😂

ohdearme1958 · 28/10/2016 04:30

I'm feeling very relieved to hear that Tiggy knows someone just like me 😂

But tell me Tiggy does your MIL also do the same when on a train journey with her friend? 😊

But I did do that it my normal voice and not in the one I have for babies or for when I'm channeling them

EasterRobin · 28/10/2016 05:06

Hmmm, I used to do this before my DD could talk. It was a way to show that I understood her concerns and that she was successfully communicating with her non-verbal complaints ("mummy I'm cold", "mummy I'm not happy", "mummy I don't want to wait", "mummy I don't like this. I don't like this one little bit"). And also to help her make sense of her emotions and eventually articulate them.

I'm pretty sure I looked like a nutter when I narrated our trips to the supermarket.

I wasn't criticising myself at all. So I don't think your mil has any intention to criticise you this way. I can see how it'd be annoying for someone else to be doing it though.

Whatsername17 · 28/10/2016 05:19

My mil is lovely. Brilliant grandma, love her to bits. BUT. She thinks she knows best about everything. From the moment my dd was born she was really pushy with wanting to do things and kept saying 'I'd like to have her on my own because then I can do what I think is best.' It gave me the rage. I felt like she thought I was a shit mum. The best thing I did was tell her. I complained to my dh and tried to get him to intervene but he didn't want to upset his mum and his 'telling her' always got lost in translation. One day I just said 'it really upsets me when you say that. You make me feel like I'm doing it all wrong and I'm a crap mum.' She was horrified and apologised.

Spring2016 · 28/10/2016 05:23

I don't have any grandchildren yet, but will make a mental note to try very hard not to do this...although we did this a lot with our cats. 😅

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/10/2016 05:32

Tuktuktaker

That doesn't surprise me. After giving birth, I was put on the ward in a room with 5 other mums who'd also recently given birth. Only one or two had a visitor or partner and I couldn't hear anyone else talking to their baby.so I assume I was the only one doing so. I always spoke to dd about what we were doing and we talk lots about life now she's older. I'm an older mum as well.

ohdearme1958 · 28/10/2016 07:18

I don't have any grandchildren yet, but will make a mental note to try very hard not to do this...although we did this a lot with our cats. 😅

We've had some great laughs as a family when we've been doing the baby talk thing described in the OP, and especially when someone else in the room will say something else on the babies behalf. We even talk to their boom booms.

MiaowTheCat · 28/10/2016 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lostowl · 28/10/2016 07:38

This is standard. I had a nice relationship with my mil and then as soon as she found out I was pregnant she turned into a twat. You'll have to set your boundaries.

TheNaze73 · 28/10/2016 08:04

There really are no words OP. She sounds batshit

Pineapplemilkshake · 28/10/2016 08:08

Ooh I hated this too. My mum used to do it. A particular low point was on my way to a job interview "oh mummy please get this job, you'll need it to buy me lots of nice things." Which made me feel like shit when I didn't get it.

Thinkingblonde · 28/10/2016 08:34

I talk TO my grandchildren, not THROUGH them. "I know you don't like getting/dressed/nappy changed/ whatever..there we are , all done now".
Never when his mother was dressing them. She'd have told me to stfu. " I talked to my own kids all of the time from them being new born. Also do the same with my G.C. My GS is 6, he is very articulate, his nursery teacher remarked on it.

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