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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is tight?

369 replies

BatsHitKrazee · 09/10/2016 08:37

I have two sisters - we are all close in age.

My younger sister is 29 , I'm 30 and my older sister is 33.

My younger sister and I live at home with our parents whereas my older sister has a family of her own with her husband .

At Christmas , myself and my younger sister buy our two nieces Christmas presents costing around £15-£20.

My parents (their grandparents) also spend around £20 each on them but they don't buy for my older sister or her husband.

My older sister refuses to buy for us two other sisters even though we buy her children !

Instead , she buys a "family" present like a hamper or something for around £30-£40 for us and my parents to share.

My mum has tried asking my older sister to give us an actual present or some money but older sister ignores her and buys a family gift.

WIBU to give older sister plenty of notice and ask her nicely if she could get me and my sister something specific this year?

Or should we cut back on what we spend on our nieces?

I feel it's unfair that she isn't buying us a gift but we are buying for her children !

OP posts:
MoonStar07 · 09/10/2016 10:22

It's a reverse. Boring

rainbowstardrops · 09/10/2016 10:22

So what do your sisters buy you?! I appreciate they buy for your two children but that's because they are children!

We're another family who do a secret Santa because a) none of us have plenty of money and b) it gets really hard to know what to buy people all the time.

We just pick one couple out of a hat and buy for that couple. Works for us. Oh and both of my brothers buy for my children regardless.

slkk · 09/10/2016 10:23

Why when you become a parent do you cease to matter? If adults with no children in your family deserve a gift, then adults with children (who work hard every celebration to make things special for other people) surely deserve a gift too. If adults in your family don't receive gifts then that should be the same whether you have children or not. It's a really odd distinction. Fwiw in my family everyone gets gifts (sometimes shared) whether we have kids or not but not of equal monetary value as we are all in different situations but that's really not something that is ever noted or commented on.

Comejointhemurder · 09/10/2016 10:24

OP - another annoying thing about reverse threads is people don't read the full thread and just respond to the OP without knowing it's already been exposed as a reverse so you'll carry on just getting loads of pointless advice

DoctorBeat · 09/10/2016 10:25

I'm sure that when you have children she will buy for them. You are not children.

loobyloo1234 · 09/10/2016 10:26

Ah ... a reverse thread

I am in a similar situation as your sisters. My sister has 4 children ... I buy for them, my sis, my brother in law, aswell as everyone else in the family I'm so poor, and I hate Xmas

I do begrudge it a little tbh. As obv 6 of them, 1 of me and all that. BUT she has 4 children to pay for so I'd never expect a massive amount to be spent on me by her. However if she got me a hamper, I'd be a little insulted? I'd rather a tenner was spent on something that had some meaning to me, than some food in a box that I have to share with 3 other people Hmm

tofutti · 09/10/2016 10:26

I stopped buying presents for nieces and nephews because my sister never acknowledged my birthdays, etc

I didn't get a card, birthday text, zilch. Not from sister or the kids.

I used to buy 3 or 4 presents for each child but realised I was being a mug.

I wasn't expecting presents at all but a text costs nothing.

OP, do you acknowledge your sisters' birthdays? Or get them a card on Christmas?

Alternatively, instead of one £40 hamper, get 4 X £10 presents. You can find decent presents in sales throughout the year.

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 09/10/2016 10:29

OP:
Your sister's children exist and you give them presents. Your sister has not stopped existing just because she has children.

Archedbrowse · 09/10/2016 10:34

Instead of presents for the last few years we've agreed with my brother and his wife, and (separately) with SIL and her husband to go out for a meal together in the new year. Our local naice restaurant does 50% off whole menu in January as it's quiet.

Suggests this to your sisters, if they refuse they're basically having to say they want cash/items in preference to spending time with you.
My brother has no kids but buys for mine and giving them their gifts is a highlight of Xmas day to him.
If the issue of them still getting gifts for the little girls comes up, as if they'd rather not get them anything if they're getting nothing in return from the children (get them to actually directly have to confirm this). Say you'll get them to get them something from their pocket money, they don't have much though, will £5 be acceptable should the little girls get each sister a present each out of their money or is joint acceptable - again get a yes or no answer to this. Hopefully might provide an inkling to them how appallingly grabby they're being.

WetPaint4 · 09/10/2016 10:40

I am 30 and I still live at home (gambling addiction, too much debt to move out) and I agree that the sisters living with the parents are being awfully grabby, if the OP accurately portrays their opinions. When people have families and their own property to support and maintain, that takes priority over gifts for others. People always assume I must have a lot of money as I live at home and I don't at all but I don't presume about other people's finances and when I choose to buy for the children in my life I don't expect anything in return. If I didn't appreciate the value of a gift from someone I wouldn't be so ungrateful to say so.

Planty18 · 09/10/2016 10:41

Arfanarf great ideas, I would choose one of those options.

witsender · 09/10/2016 10:44

Another voice of yabu I'm afraid. We only buy for adults on the whole, apart from childless brother in law...but it is a token fun thing, not comparable to the price of the family hamper you guys share.

In what way is your behaviour acceptable?! Asking for your own present, with an added foot stamp?

WetPaint4 · 09/10/2016 10:46

Maybe spend the same amount on your sisters and parents as usual but get your kids to choose the gifts, so it has a little extra special touch, if they're old enough?

rollonthesummer · 09/10/2016 10:49

Do a £20 hamper for your parents and then get your sisters a £10-15 present each.

ovenchips · 09/10/2016 10:49

I find their behaviour immature. However, if you spend £40ish on a joint food hamper for them but they would prefer a tenner each in a Xmas card instead I would simply swap to doing that. It's not costing you any more and is considerably less bother to arrange. They clearly don't rate/appreciate a hamper (takes all sorts - I would).

Job done, no-one taking anything personally, move on to more interesting/ important matters.

If I did swap to doing this after a discussion with my tricky mother, I would email my sisters about the decision you've made as requested by your mother - so they know what's happened and what to expect at Christmas.

I would refuse to engage with anyone in any drama whatsoever about it though.

EweAreHere · 09/10/2016 11:04

Bats... ask your sisters if they plan on moving out and having children of their own someday, and tell them if/when they do, you will of course be buying your future nieces/nephews christmas and birthday presents when they are children, just like they have done for yours.

Beyond that, they are being ridiculous. And you have been thoughtful with the hampers.

Your sisters sound entitled, selfish, immature and silly to be begrudging CHILDREN presents, especially should the situation change in future, their children will also be treated well within the family no doubt.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 09/10/2016 11:06

My sister is a selfish arse like this. The world revolves around her children. It's dull so I don't bother with any of them.

Only buying for the children is a bullshit excuse for laziness.

ovenchips · 09/10/2016 11:16

The hamper is only a thoughtful pressie if the recipient deems it so though. If they'd prefer a tenner shoved in a card then that's a better gift to get them, isn't it?

It's really not worth thinking about it in terms of who is in right/ wrong. If everyone will be happier to receive cash - do that.

Mutter about them being pathetic and immature behind closed doors by all means,Smile but no way is this is worth having a possible drama with a 'hard to handle' mother about it. Pick your battles!

Spice22 · 09/10/2016 11:22

I don't think Christmas is just for kids. All the adults in my family (20 - 50) would be gutted if they got nothing for Christmas - we love it Grin

Redglitter · 09/10/2016 11:22

You have a job and are still staying at home you must have plenty money for the sales. You really think a tenner from your sister is going to make all the difference

Maybe she buys a hamper because she can pick things up for it throughout the year.

I hope you come back and read this thread when you grow up and leave home and are paying bills like your sister is. Maybe then you'll realise how appalling you come across

Redglitter · 09/10/2016 11:24

I bloody hate reverse threads

mediumdeadwood · 09/10/2016 11:25

I don't really understand why you can't buy 4 x £10 presents? That's the route I would go.

Veggiesupremeextracheese · 09/10/2016 11:31

why do people hate reverse threads?

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 09/10/2016 11:32

We don't buy many presents

£20ish for under 18 nephews and neices

Nothing for over 18 nephew and neices

£10 for parents x3

We get the same in return

Still love christmas though Grin

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 09/10/2016 11:33

And yes OP

Your mum and sisters are being unreasonable

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