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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is tight?

369 replies

BatsHitKrazee · 09/10/2016 08:37

I have two sisters - we are all close in age.

My younger sister is 29 , I'm 30 and my older sister is 33.

My younger sister and I live at home with our parents whereas my older sister has a family of her own with her husband .

At Christmas , myself and my younger sister buy our two nieces Christmas presents costing around £15-£20.

My parents (their grandparents) also spend around £20 each on them but they don't buy for my older sister or her husband.

My older sister refuses to buy for us two other sisters even though we buy her children !

Instead , she buys a "family" present like a hamper or something for around £30-£40 for us and my parents to share.

My mum has tried asking my older sister to give us an actual present or some money but older sister ignores her and buys a family gift.

WIBU to give older sister plenty of notice and ask her nicely if she could get me and my sister something specific this year?

Or should we cut back on what we spend on our nieces?

I feel it's unfair that she isn't buying us a gift but we are buying for her children !

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 09/10/2016 09:59

This has to be a wind up!

MadAsABagOfCats · 09/10/2016 10:00

Do Chris Cringle instead. Put everyone's name in a hat. Budget set at £X each. Everyone buys one name out of the hat. It is anonymous so no one knows whow is buying, for who. If it makes it easier, people can write a suggestion of what they would like, within budget.

Chippednailvarnishing · 09/10/2016 10:01

Ignoring the reverse naughty op don't do it again it's really fucking annoying
Buy them a box of chocolates each from the pound shop or get yourself on Facebook and buy them some glittery shite. That will teach 'em.

And only an extra £20 is fine, if you have an extra £20. Not everyone has...

ohtheholidays · 09/10/2016 10:02

It's a reverse then who ever it is that's complaining needs to get over themselves!

If your only willing to give Christmas presents if you receive some back then they really shouldn't bother buying any in the first place!

CiderwithBuda · 09/10/2016 10:03

Does your mum like the hamper?

If so I would still do that but also get a small present each for your sisters from your DDs - a scarf or smellies or something.

Threebedsemii · 09/10/2016 10:03

I think unless you have serious financial problems, you can get together 20 with 3 months notice. If your problem are indeed that serious, probably best to have a very frank conversation with your family

SendARavenToRiverRun · 09/10/2016 10:03

Just seen it's a reverse. Good luck with that convo!

Fizzer123 · 09/10/2016 10:04

OP your family sound rude & grabby I'm afraid. Bringing it up on Boxing Day, how fucking ungrateful can you get!?! Personally I'd love a hamper, I think it's really thoughtful. Seriously if they start wingeing at you, let rip and say you are skint, point out that your sisters live at home and you cannot believe they begrudge presents for your kids. Also what your mum and dad spend (£20) sounds pretty stingy to me.

Donthate · 09/10/2016 10:05

Just buy them a £10 present each. Say to your mum "I've already bought them a present" to avoid them asking for something specific.

MadAsABagOfCats · 09/10/2016 10:06

I bet the sisters are moaning to their mum and she's fed up so she wants things to be different this year. She's doing them no favours, they're old enough to fight their own battles.

MidnightRunner87 · 09/10/2016 10:06

VeryBitchyRestingFace

OP can't reciprocate. Her sisters don't have kids yet - and probably never will have if don't shift out of mopsy and popsy's tout suite.

She can reciprocate by buying a small token gift for her sisters the same as I do for my family members who do not yet have children currently she's choosing not too and that's fine. However if they then decide to stop buying for the children then so be it. As I said I personally would feel awful accepting stuff for my children from family members without getting them a token gift in return, they don't expect it but I would view myself as impolite if I didn't get them anything.

You can pick up boxes of chocolates from the £ shop, cheap gift sets from all over it doesn't have to cost a lot.

Planty18 · 09/10/2016 10:07

Years ago we started a secret Santa system, whereby everyone agrees to make a list of stuff they want, you agree a limit (ours is £50, o know others who do £30 and £10) and then everyone gets one person to buy for and one list to buy from. It's lovely as it saves people spending a fortune as we are already buying for kids and there are a lot of adults but also people get things they need/want, but still surprises as you don't know what people will buy from your list. It feels strange at first but I love getting treats I wouldn't buy myself - must say though as an adult I also wouldn't be bothered about not getting anything. Just a suggestion that might help keep the peace. Your sisters sound a nightmare op

MissDuke · 09/10/2016 10:07

Just say today that you like to do the hamper because you prefer to give gifts that have a lot of thought put into them but that you are on a tight budget and you will put what cash you can afford into a card. I would also suggest that if buying for the nieces is such a problem for them, that they club together so your nieces get one present each from the two of them. That might even out the spending a bit. They are idiots but you need to have this resolved op so that you aren't going to get harassed about it over every Sunday lunch!

SpringerS · 09/10/2016 10:11

Right, obviously your sisters are being pathetic but there is no point in wasting money on a hamper that you know they don't appreciate. You live in London, so when you get a chance to do some shopping head to somewhere like Marylebone and hit the charity shops. Cancer Research on the High St and Barnardos on George St are particularly good and just a few minutes walk from Bond St tube. You'll find lots of lovely accessories from upper end high street retailers or lower end designer retailers. There is also a really good Oxfam Books on the high street.

You can get individual gifts for all 4 of your adult family members for your usual budget and you'll appear wonderfully generous. You never have to let them know that they were secondhand, just tell them you found some great bargains if they query the sudden apparent rise in your budget. I don't think there was ever anything wrong with the hamper, it should have been considered a nice thaoughtful gift. One of my brother lives abroad and when he's home on holidays he brings a toy for DS and a selection of goodies from the country he lives in for my parents, other brother and I to share. The get left at my parents' house, which I do not live in, but I appreciate the thought. And the chocolate! But your sisters don't appreciate it, and are rudely making their feelings known. So it's pointless to continue on with the hampers as you know they hate it.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 09/10/2016 10:13

She can reciprocate by buying a small token gift for her sisters the same as I do for my family members who do not yet have children currently she's choosing not too and that's fine.

That's not "reciprocating". That's buying a present for family members who don't bother to buy anything for her.

Her own mother gives OP hee haw for xmas and then has the temerity to complain that OP doesn't give her sisters - who also give her nothing - presents for xmas.

FFS. At least OP gives them a hamper.

I'd love a hamper. Although maybe one full of crisps rather than jam etc. Blush

Planty18 · 09/10/2016 10:14

Sorry cross post with lots suggesting similar good luck today

SpringerS · 09/10/2016 10:17

Oh and to other posters, is spending £20-ish on nieces/nephews/grandchildren really considered tight? I'd have thought that was just about right, tbh. You can get some lovely toys in that price bracket, that seem just right for aunt/uncle/grandparents gifts.

AmserGwin · 09/10/2016 10:17

YABU! My brother didn't get me or my kids anything last year as they had money difficulties. I still got them and their children presents as usual. You don't give to receive!

DarklyDreamingDexter · 09/10/2016 10:18

This seems like a storm in a tea cup. Divide the money you would have spent on the hamper between the recipients - £10 each or whatever. Buy them a cheap toiletries set from Boots and have done with it. You may think a lovely hamper is a thoughtful gift, but if the receivers don't agree it's hardly fostering the spirit of Christmas, is it? Why give them something you know they don't appreciate and causes family aggro?

RandomDent · 09/10/2016 10:18

I just came on to say that I love a reverse thread. Haven't seen one for ages. I like it when people who haven't read it all get uppity because they've replied long after the reverse was revealed. :o

Arfarfanarf · 09/10/2016 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EdmundCleverClogs · 09/10/2016 10:19

Ah, reverse threads! A bitter lesson to learn Wink.

I think hampers are lovely myself, though would be disappointed if no wine was involved.

I'd get your sisters a very nice piggy bank each, with 'moving out fund' engraved onto them. I'm highly passive aggressive though Grin.

ENormaSnob · 09/10/2016 10:20

Eurgghhh am embarassed for them tbh.

I would suggest a ban on presents altogether tbh.

Pathetic grabby twats.

mygorgeousmilo · 09/10/2016 10:20

Random me too Grin

MoonStar07 · 09/10/2016 10:21

How old are you?! You sound about 10! Your nieces are kids! You sister runs a house! I don't know your set up but at 30 and your youngest sister is almost 30 you still live at home?! Says it all. In fact it's embarrassing!

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