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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is tight?

369 replies

BatsHitKrazee · 09/10/2016 08:37

I have two sisters - we are all close in age.

My younger sister is 29 , I'm 30 and my older sister is 33.

My younger sister and I live at home with our parents whereas my older sister has a family of her own with her husband .

At Christmas , myself and my younger sister buy our two nieces Christmas presents costing around £15-£20.

My parents (their grandparents) also spend around £20 each on them but they don't buy for my older sister or her husband.

My older sister refuses to buy for us two other sisters even though we buy her children !

Instead , she buys a "family" present like a hamper or something for around £30-£40 for us and my parents to share.

My mum has tried asking my older sister to give us an actual present or some money but older sister ignores her and buys a family gift.

WIBU to give older sister plenty of notice and ask her nicely if she could get me and my sister something specific this year?

Or should we cut back on what we spend on our nieces?

I feel it's unfair that she isn't buying us a gift but we are buying for her children !

OP posts:
Squeegle · 09/10/2016 09:23

Yeah, they are being a bit childish. But the thing is no one can tell someone else what to buy! My mum won't get me a birthday present - she thinks I'm too old for birthday presents!! But I still buy her one cos I want to ! If your sisters don't want to buy for their nieces they should not. Entirely up to them. I don't mind a reverse- good fun!!

BewtySkoolDropowt · 09/10/2016 09:23

Hah, missed the update!

Squeegle · 09/10/2016 09:24

Love the answers from those who haven't RTFT. Bit of a giveaway Grin

NerrSnerr · 09/10/2016 09:24

Sorry I missed the update, I thought I had read the thread. Good luck with your sisters OP!

Original poster
BatsHitKrazee · 09/10/2016 09:26

I'm very sorry , I really didn't realise reverse threads were not ok Blush

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 09/10/2016 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeathStare · 09/10/2016 09:27

No need to have a conversation with your mum OP. Just print this thread out and give it to her.

OP's mum - Tell your younger daughters to stop being childish self-absorbed brats and be grateful for the present they get. And if you buy your younger two daughters a present you should be buying your older daughter a present too. She doesn't stop being your daughter just because she has children. And tell your younger daughters to do the same.

user1471461436 · 09/10/2016 09:29

Sorry didnt realise it was reversed. Yeah... Buy her nothing

Pettywoman · 09/10/2016 09:30

We only buy for the kids in our family. It gets too expensive. To be honest I'd rather people didn't buy for my kids either and have told them so but still they do and still we have to emergency buy shite in return.

For adults we sometimes do a nominated person so each adult will buy one £30 ish present for an agreed person.

We always end up spending more than we can afford anyway and end up having a miserable skint time until March.

I'm on your side OP. I hate people guilting me into spending money I don't have. Christmas would be so much better without gifts.

Mouseinahole · 09/10/2016 09:30

In our large extended family we only buy Christmas gifts for children and a token for adults without children. The hamper sounds like a lovely idea.

ManicM · 09/10/2016 09:30

I would just say, if you genuinely feel this way do as you please. Don't get into it with them, you don't have to justify gifts to family or anyone.

Comejointhemurder · 09/10/2016 09:31

Reverse threads really piss a lot of people off on this site. For good reason.

Olympiathequeen · 09/10/2016 09:31

It would work out £10 per person so not much you can get for that anyway. A hamper sounds a great idea, and to be living at subsidised rent and bills and earning, they are the unreasonable ones.

IAmTheWhoreOfBabylon · 09/10/2016 09:32

Hate reverse threads too
So they buy for your children but you don't buy for them?
Why should Xmas be just for children and if they don't have children you will expect many years of presents without returning the compliment?
DH brother has always bought for the kids in the family. He has no kids so we buy him a present. It would be pretty tight not to so I think YABU

EchidnasPhone · 09/10/2016 09:33

You're a grown adult! I don't think you can put on par a present for your nieces & a present for 2 grown adults. Perhaps your nieces can make you a card or a gift from home but I don't see why your sister should buy you anything. You're an adult - buy your own stuff

Nocabbageinmyeye · 09/10/2016 09:33

They aren't, they are super fucking irritating and childish. You are asking peoples advice just give them the fucking facts, none of us are 8, there is no need to make up pretend stories to make us interested.

Threebedsemii · 09/10/2016 09:35

Bless OP I dont think you deserve the responses here!

She is a bit tight yes, (who wouldn't get their sister a Xmas present unless pre agreed?) but there isn't much you can do

Passmethecrisps · 09/10/2016 09:35

Reverse aside a hamper is a really lovely thing to do and give that if you want to.

How well do you know that your sisters actually think this way? We all invent details beyond what we know so it may not be as clear cut as this.

If you really do feel that your sisters would rather cash for the sales then ask them to save what they would spend on your kids and move on. If a gift is given begrudgingly or with the intension of reciprocity then it isn't worth it.

Threebedsemii · 09/10/2016 09:35

But confused as to whether this is a reverse...

Original poster
BatsHitKrazee · 09/10/2016 09:36

I can see the reverse has annoyed people , again I'm very sorry , I didn't realise .

My mum is very "hard to handle" and so I wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable before she brings it up today .

I know it's coming as she text me this morning asking if the children are coming for lunch as we need to "discuss the Christmas situation" .

I'm nothing like my sisters - I'm very timid and need to grow a pair Blush

OP posts:
MrsJen3 · 09/10/2016 09:37

I don't believe it's a reverse, I think maybe the OP is starting to get the message that she's selfish and childish and feels embrassed.

Original poster
BatsHitKrazee · 09/10/2016 09:38

Nocabbage I have apologised . Twice .

OP posts:
Tanith · 09/10/2016 09:38

Don't really understand why people get so annoyed at reverse threads. Sometimes they're very useful on AIBU! This particular one could have so easily gone down the "you're jealous and immature - buy your sisters a gift" path with a different OP.

However Smile
Op, I do agree that a hamper is perfectly fine for a present. Maybe your discussion with your mother should be what's in it.
Have your sisters actually said anything, or is it just your mum?

diddl · 09/10/2016 09:40

If you know that they don't like the hamper then just put your parents name on it.

Doubtless they'll get the benefit of it though so that probably wouldn't achieve much.

I might just give a token gift like Christmas socks, scarf..?

What would they be likely to want?

LucyLot · 09/10/2016 09:41

OP do you know what your sister's financial situation is like? If she splashes the cash on others and gets you jam and coffee to share at Christmas then that's different to if she is on a tight budget.

Maybe if she got you a more thoughtful family gift, eg tickets to something you'd all enjoy, that would be better?

What does your mum think?