Background is that my parents were abusive. My dad was a drunk and physically/mentally abused me/siblings. Mum never hit us but she was also a drunk - mean, neglectful, never stepped in to protect us from beatings etc.
Me and my siblings all moved out of the family home as soon as we could. (I was 16) We've gone on to do ok, have families of our own etc.
My dad died years ago and my mum is still a big drinker but has improved. She goes through phases of being interested in my kids but she's still self-centred, selfish and a pretty shit mum all round. I.expect nothing different any more.
So generally, I have moved on from my childhood and have done well financially. My mum turns 60 in December and I've just received a text from her asking if I'll 'pay towards her party instead of buying her a birthday present.' She wants £200.
I'm really upset by this. Growing up, events like birthdays and Christmas were horrendous. My dad was at his worst on special occasions and we used to dread them. I don't remember having any happy birthdays at all.
Aibu to not pay for her party purely on this basis?? Should I move on and just be kind?
I can comfortably it but I feel really resentful. I'm getting really upset writing this which is stupid as I'm in my late thirties now. I hate that I still feel shit about all of this after so long.