To ask you what you think of age gap relationships.

[BingbastardBunny]

I saw a thread on here about a mother asking if she should be worried about her child fancying an older actor.
I was just wondering is it a big worry if your child begins a relationship with someone significantly older or younger than themselves.

There is an age gap of 28 years between my husband and I and we are perfectly happy.

22 years here, he's older. 2 beautiful kids later, 2 step kids and 2 step grandkids.
It works for us but I suspect even I'd be a bit if DD came home with an older man!

Why do people have to be so nasty? Just because you don't like there's no need for the comments like vom, gross, nasty etc. If people are happy what's it got to do with anyone else?

I've never had any comments about my relationship but anyone who did say something would be told to shut the fuck up.

DH is not and never has been a predator, there is no imbalance in our relationship, I haven't missed out by not having kids or travelling and I haven't limited myself by not having more relationships. I know that doesn't apply to every relationship and I've been lucky and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Pink don't rise to it.

But if your DGF had been 20 years older than your Nan she might've been on her own for 31 years instead of 11. 10-15 years isn't a big deal, it's when you get to 20+ I start to think you're on dodgy ground.

I see my future with my partner as growing old together, feeling annoyed at him because his knees have gone and he walks slowly but then catching myself on when I realise it must piss him off when I watch the telly with the volume up to 50. Watching your partner change and, lets face it, decline when you're in your late thirties or forties must be very different. Being in your fifties and wanting to enjoy your child free years would be different again, with a partner who maybe can't/won't travel far or handle much in the way of activity. Then potentially losing them when you're still a comparatively young age.

Of course you never know what life will throw at you, but i wouldn't walk into a relationship knowing that that was the likely scenario in front of me. It's nothing to do with the "yuck" and "vom" sentiments that others might have expressed. Different strokes and all that.

Alis the same thing happened to my aunt and uncle. She was 15 years younger than him and died unexpectedly when she was in her early 60s.

No one knows what's going to happen so if you get a change of happiness, take it and don't worry what other people think

Well yeh I guess 31 years would have been harder than 11 years on her own but then also she may have been young enough to get out more herself / see friends / meet someone new etc etc

Anyway as a pp has said to pink " don't rise to it" and I'm going to heed that advice myself and bow out now because the whole comparing incest to age gap relationships is really just beyond my comprehension !!

Oh I did! Sadly it hasn't worked out but I've no regrets and like I said upthread that reasons for it not working out aren't age related. Any relationship is fallible and just because there's an age gap doesn't mean that is the only reason said relationship will fail. Certainly isn't so in my case.

Same here clumsy. I missed the comparison to incest...

There's 9 years between me & DH, 20 between my aunt& late uncle and when I was 20ish had a boyfriend in his .50s Age gaps don't bother me. Unless girl is in her teens, ghen I'd question his motives

I get that but I don't see how it would be any easier just because your the Same age ?

Clumsy, I'm not necessarily saying that it would be easier to see your partner ageing just because you're the same age. I know that my mum has hated seeing my dad get older. It's a very difficult time of life.

I guess I just feel that 40s/50s is a very young age to have to start dealing with all of that, and that having a much older partner inevitably extends that part of your life. Personally, I wouldn't want to have to spend 20-30 years coping with the challenges of old age for my partner, and then having to come to terms with the ageing process myself - I'd prefer to grow old with my partner, and restrict that phase to the later part of my life.

I'm not saying any of this to be mean btw, and I certainly don't agree with the "disgusting" comments. I'm not judging anyone else's relationship - just trying to answer the OP's question as to how I'd feel about my dd being in a large age gap relationship and to explain the reasons for this.

I was 28 when my son was born and that sort of age gap just seems wrong to me. I cannot conceive of even thinking about dating one of my son's friends, he is 17 so they are all teenagers, and however mature they may think they are they are not. They are very very young now, and will still be very young once they graduate and start work (I have nephews in their 20s too, and their friends are also totally off limits as far as I am concerned). The power and experience gap will be huge. Thirty years ago I was a very different person to the person I am today, and thirty years from now I will be a very different person again. Thirty years of experience is a lifetime!

Like others I would really wonder why an older adult would be dating a someone so much younger, and I'm afraid I'd not think charitably about them at all.

Thinking in the other direction I also cannot conceive of dating someone in their 70s. They would be at such a different life stage to me. I expect to/am planning for 20+ years of working at a relatively high level and then retirement. They would likely already be retired and into twilight with death on the near horizon. Sure some people live longer/shorter are healthier/less healthy at different times, but averages are still averages and those aren't odds I'd personally want to run.

Actually I don't want to have sex with a 25 year old. I really don't. And I do fancy a fair number of blokes my age, 53, which I certainly wouldn't have done at 25.

I'm in my early fifties and I feel exactly the same. It's not that I don't look at some young men and think they are beautiful, I do, in an objective way rather like I might admire a gorgeous painting or dress, or racehorse. I certainly couldn't imagine leaping into bed or into a relationship with them in a month of Sundays. It just feels wrong. If I were single and a genuine deep connection grew out of a friendship at work or something then I can see how it might happen, when you get to know the person first and the romantic/sexual relationship is something secondary that grows organically. But the idea that I might actually invite or encourage a total stranger with a 20 year age gap to date me through OND or chat to me online with a view to getting romantic, or approaching them and chatting them up in a bar or whatever just creeps me out.

I know a couple who married recently who have been together since he was 25 and she was 41. They did become genuine friends first, they worked very closely together and got on like a house on fire.

When her marriage broke up and she was at absolute rock bottom he told her how fantastic she was and how any man would be lucky to have her. Over a period of months it just blossomed into love. She was a bit freaked out by it at first but then she thought 'What the hell? Just allow yourself to be happy.'

They've been together ten years and married quite recently. But I think at 25 he was a fully formed adult who probably had a fair few relationships behind him and knew what he was doing. And they already knew one another very well before it became a relationship.

And there is a big difference in maturity and life experience between 20 and 25 for most people.

26 years here. No regrets. At first it was difficult as family/friends reacted in a non-positive way. A decade onwards nobody gives a shit anymore.

As for a child fancying an older actor, i always did. had a massive crush on Clint Eastwood.

DH is 12 years older than me. Which raised eyebrows when we first met (I was 19, he was 31) but 20 years later nobody bats an eyelid.

I wasn't looking for an older man, he wasn't looking for a younger woman. It just happened. There definitely isn't a power imbalance in our relationship - we earn roughly the same amount, do equal shares of housework, make big decisions together.

I am quite surprised by how many posts seem to judge all age gap relationships by one they know that went wrong, or had aspects they didn't like.

I've not had a relationship with a big age gap, but no way would I have ruled it out. As for other people's relationships, it's none of my business.

DH is 10 years younger than me. We got together when he was 27.

As well as the 10 year gap there was a 100 mile gap as well. We met 10 years ago this month. (next Sunday actually ) He relocated, we got married and we now have a 2 year old daughter together. He's a great step dad to my older 3 and to be honest the age gap has never affected us. We look about the same age, and have similar wants and needs. Very much in love, best friends and (prepare for cheese) feel we are soul mates.

Just seen the pics of 56 year old Sean penn groping his 24 year old squeeze. He is the same age as her mother. Do all you pro 20 plus years age gap people genuinely think that's fine and dandy? I just can't get my head round it. 10 years at a push yes but any more than that looks sinister/pervy.

I don't think of 10-12 years as an age gap. It's not a gap that really merits discussion, anyway. It's the generation gaps that are noteworthy/unusual, 20+ years.

As someone whose dad left my mum for a younger model, yes I have a problem with large age gaps.
Women can't compete with much younger women aeseticay. And whenever I see blokes with much younger women I always think about the first they probably left with a broken heart. The one who put the years in, had their kids, who married them when they weren't rich and successful.
There are so many older women on their own and I do apportion some of that blame to younger women who don't give a shit. Obviously most of that blame should go to the man.
But If you go for a significantly older man you are doing a disservice to your sex.

I agree Bodicea. Women shouldn't leave a pile of older women lonely and alone and at risk of being passed over. It really creates a man's world where men get exactly what they want and women are at the mercy of somebody do their duty and staying with them.

Personally I don't fancy significantly older men so it's a mystery to me that it happens as often as it does.

I felt taht quite strongly at 25 as well.

Older guy fine, older woman will go to shit. Women are more naturally mature and younger men are a big mistake eventually. I jsut ended my 21 year old marriage with a younger man, the whole thing was a waste of time.

I wouldn't judge or comment - whatever works for you - but I'm not sure I'd like it (although j guess love is love). How does it work socially? Dh and I are the same age and have the same crowd of friends. I couldn't imagine hanging out in the same way with people 20 years older or younger.

Ah, I'm not sure I really feel that if Mr Inferior ditched me for a lithe young thing I would be a sad lonely old lady, frankly.

You're a better woman than I Ronald if you could shrug and say "love is love" if you were 40 plus and your Dh and father of your kids dumped you for a 22 year old.