To ask you what you think of age gap relationships.

[BingbastardBunny]

I saw a thread on here about a mother asking if she should be worried about her child fancying an older actor.
I was just wondering is it a big worry if your child begins a relationship with someone significantly older or younger than themselves.

There is an age gap of 28 years between my husband and I and we are perfectly happy.

15 years between DP and me - he's older.

No culture gaps - he's got his finger on the pulse more than I have, and I'm an old soul due to having had much older siblings.

We're utterly happy. No matter what's in our future, I wouldn't miss our present for anything.

Every case is different. Some big age gaps work out, others don't.
Some children are embarrassed by having an older parent, others are not.
No one should say it is right or wrong.
I am bothered whether my children are happy not how old their partners are.

I loved having a whale of a time in my twenties but I know plenty of people who settled down young and seem quite happy with their choices. There's no one correct way to live your life.

Lots of people settle down youngish with people their own age though?

Oh yes - all I'm saying is that isn't, in itself, necessarily a sign of somehow being more mature than your peers.

Ah I see what you mean now mother. I'm inclined to agreee with you.

DH and I have a 14 year gap. When people first meet us they can be a bit , more so when I was in my early twenties.

Then when they actually speak to us they get it.

But it's no ones' business but ours.

28 years is pretty gross I'm sorry.

A 53 year old man is only going to be interested in a 25 year old for one reason.

They've been together a while and have two kids. It's a bit off to say he's only after sex.

Baked, have you actually met someone in this situation? A relationship isn't just about sex anyway.

crazy

Yes

My parents (long divorced)

My best friend

Several acquaintances

It's creepy. My mother now fully recognises it.

It wouldn't be for me, but then I am often bemused by women's chosen life partners.

I have a very attractive glamorous and successful professional colleague and when I met her husband at a recent work event I was astonished to be introduced to an old man. There is obviously a big age gap, if they are happy, no one else's business. But I did feel a bit sorry for her, my DH is still young and fit. Sorry, I can't help how I feel.

Maybe not now but initially why else is a man in his fifties going to be interested in a woman easily young enough to be his daughter?

OP did ask. That's my opinion.

I also think it means there is a power imbalance in the relationship.

Don't worry about it. for all you know she looked at your husband and pitied you too.

Nearly 20 years between DH and I. We've been together 25 years and counting. He's not in great health but he wasn't when I met him! And I have my own medical issues and limitations so it's not as if he's a frail 60-something and I'm a regretful chomping-at-the-bit-for-more-action 40-something. It definitely does help that I never wanted children (he has a child from an earlier relationship and preferred not to have a second family).

I didn't fall in love with a man nearly 20 years older than me. I fell in love with the person my now-DH was and is, and he me. Despite the age gap we had enough things in common to connect and then were able to share our different interests and strengths - including some areas (eg literature, to name but one) where, despite his additional years on the planet, I had the greater knowledge or experience. Yes, the next couple of decades might be challenging as he ages and his disabilities bite harder but I went into this with my eyes open and I wouldn't have missed the last 25 years for anything. It's not something I really think about but this thread has made me realise that we've lasted longer and been happier than many relationships between people much closer in age.

But Initially aren't we all "after one thing " ??? Why is a man of 45 looking at a 25 year old woman after anything different to a 25 year old man looking at a women his own age ??

I would prefer if my daughter had a partner nearer her own age.
I think generation gaps are too much.
But you can't help who you fall in love with!

I also think it means there is a power imbalance in the relationship.

If you're saying that about all relationships where there's an age gap well that's clearly nonsense. That would be like me saying 'relationships between people who are the same age never have a power imbalance'.

Worked well with my 11 years older hubby. Been together almost fourteen years.

Agree bunty

There can be power imbalances in relationships for all kinds of reasons I don't see how an age gap creates an automatic one ??

I think it depends on individual circumstances . I don't see how with two people say one age 30 and one age 50 who are both adults both happy within their own life's and happy to be with each other and agree on the big decisions such as marriage kids etc that the older party would suddenly have more power ???

That's my opinion, based off age gap relationships I've witnessed. You have a different opinion, based off age gap relationships you have witnessed presumably.

I obviously know full well there can be and often are power imbalances in relationships where there is no significant age gap (and btw I wouldn't call 10/11 years hugely significant) but yes, in a case where you are in a relationship with a person old enough to your parent, I think the power is skewed in their favour from the get go.

Obviously a 25 year old man may be interested in a woman his own age for only sex, but I really think that's not the same thing as a 53 year old interested in a 25 year old, because of the power imbalance and also the fact she's easily young enough to be his child.

My Dad goes for much, much younger women, always has done. It's a predatory/power thing.

Agree with baked. 20 plus older man relationships strike me as...icky. Sorry.

Friends mum advised friend and I as twenty somethings not to marry older men. She was a vivacious 60 year old caring for a grumpy 80 year old with dementia.

I do agree that a 20+ year age difference with the younger party being in their late teens/early 20's is a bit creepy.

As others have elucidated to, it's usually a power/control thing, with the older partner seeking out someone more malleable who they can shape to be the partner they'd like.

Your late teens & 20's are for growing emotionally - experiencing different relationships, being single, learning independence, having fun, making mistakes. Perhaps travelling, having a career, living elsewhere.

Sticking with 1 relationship at such a young age limits you in life.

It's fine having a 20 year age gap in your 40's & above, when you both have life experience.

But at 20, it's a case of "you don't know what you don't know".

I'd be horrified if my 20-year old DD was dating a man in his mid-40's. And I'd feel pretty yukky about any of our now-mid 40's circle of friends dated a 20 tread old.

baked I don't entirely disagree with you I totally believe there are men out there who like to have the upper hand so to speak in relationships and who think a young partner will be easier to do this with . I just think it's u fair to suggest this is always the case

I'm not sure it's consciously always the case, but with a 28 year age gap I'm afraid I do think it's always the case.