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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To charge rent to my newly returned daughter from uni who now has s job???

170 replies

plastique · 02/10/2016 18:02

Daughter has been back from uni for a few months now and been working temporarily but now permenantly. So I want to know charge rent and bills is Ok? Or AIBU??

OP posts:

Kr1stina · 02/10/2016 19:50

It's just cultural really. I don't know a single British Asian who charges their kids rent either, and they all learn the value of money fine too

Unsurprisingly, most young adults DO want to move out of their parents house, so are happy to save. I have never met anyone in their 20s who blows all their money because they just love living rent-free with their folks so much!

That might be because they are not allowed to have their BF/GF sleep over at their parents home. So their opportunities for ...ahem...romance are rather limited until they move out .

QueenLizIII · 02/10/2016 19:50

I wanted a hand out. Right.

You think it fit behaviour to charge a 22 yo £400 a month in rent to live in a small room in the family home on a £16k salary in 2004?

Nice parents you are. I expected to pay £200 and buy my food, laundry, etc.

QueenLizIII · 02/10/2016 19:50

Yes OP charge your children every penny they have. Why not. You have a home, might as well get them to pay you back.

QueenLizIII · 02/10/2016 19:51

That might be because they are not allowed to have their BF/GF sleep over at their parents home. So their opportunities for ...ahem...romance are rather limited until they move out .

I wasnt allowed to do that either. Im not Asian.

Pisssssedofff · 02/10/2016 19:53

Queen Liz I'm afraid beyond 18 your parents owe you nothing that's the harsh truth. You choose to live there because you didn't have a deposit and rent in advance I guess, so that was the favour she did you, no landlord would have let you move in without either. Also you choose to go to uni and come out in debt. I worked as did my ex husband and we left owning our own house

Trifleorbust · 02/10/2016 19:53

I think it's fit behaviour to charge an adult whatever you want. It's not generous, but it was up to them, and as an adult you were no longer entitled to financial support.

Superstar90 · 02/10/2016 19:54

Depends on whether you want to help her buy her first house etc - I would charge her a nominal rent and/or ask that she saves a certain amount each month for a house or rental deposit (maybe get her to pay into a seperste savings account for this). Seems a bit silly to charge her rent if you then intending to give money later on to help her for houses/weddings etc!

notquiteruralbliss · 02/10/2016 19:58

It wouldn't occur to me to charge my DCs rent. I don't need the money and am happy got th to be st home. Though those that are working do often buy food etc.

itsbetterthanabox · 02/10/2016 20:03

Do you need the money?
If not then I wouldn't.
She'll be living with forever unless she can afford to save to move out. She's already in a load of debt.
If you don't need it then I'd have her save to move out not just take it to make a point.

AtMyHouse · 02/10/2016 20:03

Unless in dire straights, I would never charge my children rent (I would encourage them to save, though).

My parents never have and dh's parents never have. We are both great with money and independent. It's a good feeling that they will always be there to support us while they can and I want to do the same for my children.

They are my children forever, not until they hit a certain birthday.

chinlo · 02/10/2016 20:08

AtMyHouse

Great post. More evidence that you can teach your children good values and financial sense without making them pay you money.

Original poster

plastique · 02/10/2016 20:10

So no boyfriend, social life, at home most of time being lovely company! I want her to move on with her life and think the rent/cost issue will give her a kick start??!

OP posts:

Cherryskypie · 02/10/2016 20:10

On MN you're supposed to make them work from 14 and take a % of their earnings. In RL unless you need them to contribute to be able to pay your bills why would you take their money? Some people actually like having their adult DC around.

Original poster

plastique · 02/10/2016 20:12

I love but also hate having her around... Think she's being lazy loving family home life... There's much more out there for her....

OP posts:

Cherryskypie · 02/10/2016 20:16

What exactly do you want her to be doing? If you want her to be going out and socialising more then taking rent isn't going to do that. If you want her to move out then taking rent isn't going to do that.

AnyFucker · 02/10/2016 20:19

Does having an expectation that your adult children contribute to their own living costs mean that you don't like having them around then ?

DinosaursRoar · 02/10/2016 20:31

There's a lot to be said for charging enough that it's missed and living independently later on isn't too much of a lifestyle shock - but then saving it so when she's ready to move out, you can give her a lump sum back towards deposit/buying things to set up home. (even if you rent furnished, it usually doesn't include kitchen things etc).

You said temp but perm, so is it she's on a temp contract, but it's long term and no job security? That's rather shitty - make it clear if she doesn't get the hours for whatever reason, you won't charge rent that week/month.

BitchQueen90 · 02/10/2016 20:32

I was working full time on minimum wage at age 16. I gave my parents £200 a month. I was earning about £800, so I had £600 left every month. More than enough to be able to treat myself AND save money. As it was I ended up moving out at 17 anyway so I didn't end up saving much

If my DS is still living at home when he gets a full time job I'll do the same. Doesn't have to be a large amount, but I'd expect him to be contributing a little.

Needfinsnow · 02/10/2016 20:34

When I came home from u I I paid the same "rent" as my older brothers did. However I didn't get meals at home, or my laundry and cleaning done as they did... They had three meAls a day plus cakes etc made for them, all their laundry done (mum picked up dirty clothes from their bedroom floor / changed Bedlinen even though they had girlfriends / multiple girls stay the night.). I was allowed one shower a day and one bath every two months, was always working so never home for meals, but wasn't allowed to cook in family kitchen or store any ready meals / easy grab able snacks!

Lordamighty · 02/10/2016 20:35

My children are also my children forever & I also love their company but they still contributed to the household bills when they lived at home. They were also happy to do so because they knew what a bargain they were getting.

Garthmarenghi · 02/10/2016 20:41

Queenliz - she works in the City in a specialist training role.

Marmelised · 02/10/2016 20:51

I charge my dd rent. £400 per month when she was earning £16k, about to go up now she has a grad job and is earning much more.
Don't need the money, my mortgage is paid off and both DH and I earn good salaries.
So why do we do it?

she asked to pay and asked us to increase when she got the better job
her older sister moved away after uni so has always had to pay rent.

It seemed unfair to us that one should benefit from rent free and the other shouldn't. So we charge rent.
When she moves out we're going to tot up all she's paid and give half to her and half to her sister. They don't know it yet but we think it's the fair thing to do.

Cheby · 02/10/2016 20:57

YANBU OP. If it were me and I could afford it, I would put the money aside and surprise her with it as help for a deposit when she was ready to move out. But if I couldn't afford it I would use it to pay for utilities etc.

It's not going to do her any favours to get used to loads of disposable income because it'll be a shock when she does move.

I do think it's a bit shit that she hasn't offered. This is a slightly different situation but we moved back to my mums for 6 months while in between selling and buying houses and relocating. My mum didn't want us to have to spend renting and wouldn't accept rent from us. We were paying the mortgage on our empty flat for 3 of those months so couldn't afford loads, but at the end of the period we were there I transferred a lump sum into her bank account (worked out at about £300 a month) and refused to take it back. I think the money has gone towards new furniture so I'm happy as the situation was really beneficial for us, and I'm glad she has ended up with something tangible out of it. We did of course buy food and takeaways for everyone while we were there too.

Pisssssedofff · 02/10/2016 21:01

Well I don't know about others but I'm planning to buy a two bedroomed flat when the youngest moves out. Bi think kids are very lucky if there's somewhere for them to move back to at all

jessica29054 · 02/10/2016 21:02

That's horrible!

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