To charge rent to my newly returned daughter from uni who now has s job???

[plastique]

Daughter has been back from uni for a few months now and been working temporarily but now permenantly. So I want to know charge rent and bills is Ok? Or AIBU??

plastique - while I do understand your reasons for wanting to charge her rent, I think you may just need to be a bit sensitive to the fact that she probably genuinely has friends in London who still live at home rent free.

I just wonder if you could agree a sliding scale with her - eg £25 a week this year towards bills, but review next year whether she should start paying rent too? That might incentivise her to look around for other options and to save! But you obviously know your daughter best - I just think the idea of saving "rent" payments for a deposit would have made me feel as though my parents were still treating me like a child.

What her friends do or don't pay isn't relevant in my opinion.

I agree with AnyFucker

This is where I realise I contradict myself on these threads

I insist my 21yo pays keep but it works out to be only about an eighth of the salary

It's a token amount. They would never got the quality of accommodation and lifestyle they get here for that money, but I do accept they are paying massive amounts in car loan, car insurance and of course, socialising

I am happy to subsidise, bit not for them to live for free

If it was up to my H, they would live here rent free bit he is a proper soft touch

It's the old you're not Jane and I'm not Janes mother response isn't it. What friends do is irrelevant

My eldest moved back home at Xmas he started working Feb time he was earning about 1000 a month and I asked for 180 a month originally I'd said 200 and he he suggested 150 but we met at 180

Christ, yes. I have been ignoring the "but X's parents do Y and Z" for the last 15 years and there is no way I am starting to listen to that shit now

I really don't see the issue with someone contributing a fifth of their salary. They couldn't go elsewhere and pay less.

Franciscrawford... Yep unfortunately cushioned and spoilt

YANBU. As soon as I got a permanent job I offered to pay rent. I offered 75, my parents tolde 50 a week was plenty so I offered more than they actually wanted.

Of course you should. I don't charge my daughter a huge amount in relation to her income, because she is saving for a house and wedding, ( which we will help with)but she has to pay her way. Food, gas and electricity cost money.

Ok - I'm being convinced by the pro-rent arguments on this thread (at least in the OP's circumstances)!

However I still think there are some situations - especially in London - when it is perfectly reasonable for parents to want to support their children by providing them with somewhere to live (albeit not all their living expenses) while they are trying to get on their feet financially. Most people can't move into their own place in London now without a hefty deposit and savings that takes a long time to acquire out of post-tax recent graduate income.

However in general I think it is unreasonable to charge children rent that is not tied to bills. The housing situation is so bad that they probably need everything they can possibly save towards their own deposit for a rented or bought property. I am also a bit uncomfortable about profiting from being able to charge rent on a property you own at a time when your children are almost certainly going to find it so much harder ever to be in that position.

This exactly. If you own your home, charging your DC will mean they are helping pay your mortgage or if it is paid off, you are profiteering. Your home was bought likely at a time when the prices werent as insane as they are now.

My mum did it to me. She charged me commercial rates of rent for a room in a shared house and then kept throwing in my face the bills so I gave her more and more. She said if I didnt like it get the fuck out. I wish I had. But the problem is, she took so much at a time when I was in heaps of debt from uni, I have never saved my own deposit and well she has nice house still.

I moved back in with my parents when I was 22 because my marriage had failed. I'd have been embarrassed not to pay rent, even though my parents insisted they didn't need the money. I guess I'd had a few years of living and working completely independently so maybe that's the difference but even so - even if it's just a token amount she should realise that life is expensive and you can't expect something for nothing.

My mum took £400 a month off me. This was 12 years ago. For a room in a shared house: £100 a week.

I also paid for the food shopping that was mine. Fair enough.

Now I see in 2016 you can get rooms in a shared house for £500 a month bills included and i was being totally shafted in 2004 at £400 a month.

I always referred to it as a contribution to the running costs of the household rather than rent. Rent would actually cost a lot more than living at home & all bills would be on top.

No adult who is working FT should expect to live for free at someone else's expense.

DS is on a gap year before Uni & I haven't asked for rent out of his part-time wages, but he is expected to pay for more stuff - his own petrol, gym fees, Spotify for example.

If he were home having finished Uni & working, I'd be asking for bed & board.

If you own your home, charging your DC will mean they are helping pay your mortgage or if it is paid off, you are profiteering.

And when my son inherits my home I think he'll find he's more than recompensed for the tiny, tiny % of mortgage payment he contributed through rent.

£400 a month? I charge my daughter half that. She gets everything included for that. The only thing she doesnt get is her room cleaned or her laundry done ( her choice with the laundry) , although obviously I buy the soap powder.

Mine pay £50 a week each, both minimum wage jobs. One just finished uni the other just finished school. Frankly if I don't take it off them they will spend it. So I am taking their £200 a month and saving it for them. Without them knowing of course
.

What bagel dog said. Rent and a share of bills of what she woudl pay if sharing a flat .

Also discuss sharing of household chores.

Do you actually need the money? From a non-English-culture perspective (cos I know it's more normal to you guys), the idea of "charging rent" to your children is pretty weird to me.

If you're not rolling in money, I think it's fine to discuss splitting costs such as food and bills (and rent, if applicable), but I would suggest doing it in a more informal way so that she knows she is being asked to help contribute to family life, rather than being put in a landlord/tenant relationship with her own parents. The latter would make me feel quite resentful if it were me.

Those of you providing full room and board plus a housekeeper for a nominal sum are giving your children very unhelpful messages about what adult life is like.

A small minority of Young people will take the opportunity to save as hard as they can for a fiat deposit. The rest will use their wages to fund a lifestyle they can never sustain elsewhere .

QueenLiz, it's not profiteering to make adult children pay their way. We own our house free and clear, but the gas/electric/internet/food bills don't pay themselves.

My son has just started his first job and he knows that board will be one of his monthly commitments. He gets fed, uses water and electricity and gas, gets his washing done, and this costs money. It doesn't hurt him to contribute. He will also be paying off his student overdraft and putting money into savings as he wants to learn to drive and buy a car.