Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge rent to my newly returned daughter from uni who now has s job???

170 replies

plastique · 02/10/2016 18:02

Daughter has been back from uni for a few months now and been working temporarily but now permenantly. So I want to know charge rent and bills is Ok? Or AIBU??

OP posts:
DollyBarton · 02/10/2016 19:15

I don't see me charging my kids but it is definitely fine to do so. But I think I'd sooner give them a house deposit at college graduation so they can start running their own homes and independent lives than have them back with me for free (in order for them to save for a deposit).

Beebeeeight · 02/10/2016 19:15

I assume she is buying her own food, clothes, phone etc and contributing towards toiletries/ bills/ housework?

Then I wouldn't charge rent as such but might ask for a payment which is put aside to save up for a deposit.

It's doing her no favours to get used to not having housing costs.

chinlo · 02/10/2016 19:17

I don't really buy into the whole "teaching them the value of money" argument. I live in South America and people here live with their parents until they get married. They almost never pay rent (although they do obviously help out with bills if needed) and everybody understands the value of money just fine, and have no big trouble coping when they do eventually move out. Most spend their 20s saving money toward buying a house or apartment with their husband/wife.

It's just cultural really. I don't know a single British Asian who charges their kids rent either, and they all learn the value of money fine too.

Unsurprisingly, most young adults DO want to move out of their parents house, so are happy to save. I have never met anyone in their 20s who blows all their money because they just love living rent-free with their folks so much!

QueenLizIII · 02/10/2016 19:19

£400 a month? I charge my daughter half that. She gets everything included for that.

Yes. 12 years ago. So that was very expensive. I also bought a new TV at Christmas. New vacuum cleaner. I bought my own food.

Then i got how the hell do i afford the cleaning stuff and the broadband bill and council tax....with the £100 a week I pay you. It's not enough. So it went up to £500 then £600 and still i got moaning.

Then to this date I;ve never saved a deposit. Between paying £500 a month to live at home and my student debt for years I am utterly fucked.

Pisssssedofff · 02/10/2016 19:19

Have you not chinlo - I have - White British if that matters but yes plenty treat their parents house like s hotel

Pisssssedofff · 02/10/2016 19:22

Did your mother not pay for everything up until you were 18 QueenLiz ?
I bought my mum a new shower, sofa that sort of thing once I was earning to you know say thanks and tbh she'd done fuck all

malika54 · 02/10/2016 19:22

I'll probably get flamed but I come from a different culture and we don't make family pay. Ever.
I'd definitely make sure she is either saving loads for a deposit or paying back her student debt. Only if that didn't happen would I consider 'rent'.
Of course she'd pay for her own stuff (car, phone, clothes) that's only fair.
Mortgage is something you pay regardless, and 1 extra person doesn't make such a massive difference to bills that it warrants making people pay.
I would expect, however, for her to pull her weight with regards to cleaning/ cooking/ decorating.

roarityroar · 02/10/2016 19:23

Yanbu but I was never asked to pay rent and find the idea bizarre. I know my dad wouldn't hear of it; it was my home and I'm his daughter. I guess different situation if money is tight but I don't know anyone who was asked to pay rent to their own parents.

chinlo · 02/10/2016 19:23

Have you not chinlo - I have - White British if that matters but yes plenty treat their parents house like s hotel

I just believe (and it is backed up by plenty of evidence) that it's very possible to teach our children the value of money and instill a drive for financial independence without charging them unnecessary rent to live at home with their family (where we're happy to have them!).

Like I said, this is with the caveat that we do not actually need the money.

QueenLizIII · 02/10/2016 19:26

Did your mother not pay for everything up until you were 18 QueenLiz

I'd been paying my own busfares to school since i was 16 and my own clothes too.

I didnt ask to be born. I didnt know I had to repay the housing i was given as a dependant child by paying £500 a month.

chinlo · 02/10/2016 19:26

I agree with everything you said, malika54.

Young adults here save their money while living at home because they have been taught that it is important to do so, with the aim of buying a place of their own. It seems very simple and no "rent to teach a lesson" ever has to be taken.

Garthmarenghi · 02/10/2016 19:26

My youngest still lives with me. Md twenties and in a very good job. She doesn't pay any rent, but does, without being asked, do housework, does food shopping for us all, buys us takeaways and meals out, refills the alcohol fridge regularly - basically pulls her weight on an equal basis. She's good company and no trouble.

I know that she saves several thousand pounds each month and intends to buy a house next year. We don't need rent from her and what she does towards the household is both voluntary and in good grace.

QueenLizIII · 02/10/2016 19:28

I know that she saves several thousand pounds each month and intends to buy a house next year.

Garthmarenghi what job is your mid 20s DD doing that enables her to save several thousand pounds a month Confused

Madeyemoodysmum · 02/10/2016 19:30

My parents saved my rent (with out me knowing at the time) and gave it to me when I bought a house It helped a lot. Also taught me about paying my way budgeting etc so when I did go it alone I knew what to do more.

foursillybeans · 02/10/2016 19:30

Absolutely fine to charge rent. She will be increasing your bills as she eats, uses water, electricity, gas, Internet, etc. I like the idea of saving some of the money to give back to her towards a deposit someday. That's a great idea if you don't need the rent money yourself.

Pisssssedofff · 02/10/2016 19:32

You didn't ask to be born but you didn't have to live there either beyond 18 queen

QueenLizIII · 02/10/2016 19:39

I was at Uni 18-22 Pissedoff. paying my hall fees, food, etc

Then when I xame back after uni, I got a bill slapped on me for rent.

I've told my mother to this day, I would have left much much sooner if i could have got on my feet sooner.

Like by saving up a months rent and deposit in advance for a rental place. How was I going to do that with a student overdraft, £400-£500 to mum and my student debt and a starter salary of £16k in my training?

I couldnt stump up a months rent and deposit in advance with all that paying out. I did tell my mum that. I got stuck living there as she took so much.

I dont get why parents have children to expect to be repaid for raising the children they wanted.

Trifleorbust · 02/10/2016 19:44

Definitely reasonable. It's not what everyone does but it certainly isn't strange in any way. I would expect some contribution from a child who was earning in their twenties, definitely.

Trifleorbust · 02/10/2016 19:45

QueenLiz: No-one was asking for repayment, were they? You just wanted a handout as far as I can tell.

Orda1 · 02/10/2016 19:46

Yes fine and frankly she should have offered...

FurryLittleTwerp · 02/10/2016 19:46

It's nothing to do with affordability IMO. I could afford to have DS living rent free if he is back here after Uni, but it's more to do with understanding & appreciating the value of things - not just things either - services.

They all have a go at budgeting at Uni but how many actually do this without being bailed out if it all goes arse over tit?*

*I managed FWIW - I couldn't ask for any extra as there was none. My boyfriend & my best friend each had an indulgent father who would just write a cheque if they were broke; consequently they were both crap at budgeting & ran into financial difficulties later.

My DM & DF were indulgent but with love, time & attention - they didn't have the money to spare.

FrancisCrawford · 02/10/2016 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alfieisnoisy · 02/10/2016 19:48

Queen it doesn't have to be a punitive amount though. When I moved back home for a time I gave my Mum willingly a small amount that we agreed upon. I did that for two years and when I moved out she handed half my contributions back to me. I didn't expect her too buy my food when I was earning and could contribute.

Frankley · 02/10/2016 19:48

Depends on the daughter. If she fritters money away on unnecessary junk I would charge rent and save it for her. If she is sensible with money I would not charge anything (I did not charge my children--I was working myself so able to support them). i do not see that it is any different to supporting them while they are at college etc. if they are saving for the future.

Orda1 · 02/10/2016 19:49

I agree up thread with the person who said no one in FT work should expect to live for free. I'd be so embarrassed!

Swipe left for the next trending thread