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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset by SIL's behaviour

303 replies

RedRoosterLondon · 01/10/2016 23:58

I lost my dad six months ago. He wasn't wealthy but he did own a house. As we live in London he put in our (my sister and myself) names to minimise inheritance tax when he died.

Because he had used a good solicitor things and had a simple will went through quickly, so we were able to sell the house a few weeks ago.

My sister in law has asked for a loan for 300k - to rescue her failing business. I refused and have been called every name under the sun, because she knows I have iit.

My husband wants me to help her. AIBU to say no.

OP posts:
wtffgs · 03/10/2016 22:17

It really isn't joint money to piss up a wall - which is exactly what you would be doing with it. SIL is barking and desperate. I think the bigger problem is your H. Brew

BettyBetts · 03/10/2016 22:20

I am surprised that your DH or SIL think that you should loan her £300k for anything, let alone a failing business. If I were you I would invest this money in a way that ties it up for a few years if you are unlikely to need it soon. I am wary because it seems as though the money is worth more to them than you are. Its a lot of money.

StarsandSparkles · 03/10/2016 22:24

Your SIL is one cheeky fucker asking for that amount of money. Id tell her to get lost

riceuten · 03/10/2016 22:24

Ask her to sign over 300k's worth of her assets to you (house, car, jewellery) until it's paid back.

lborgia · 03/10/2016 22:25

Unfortunately, I don't think this is unlikely at all. Happens all the time.

Possible the OP could post over the weekend and has been overtaken by work, kids, sitting in solicitors offices and packing bags other everyday crap.

At least she has a very firm bank of support to read when she gets back. It's amazing how you start to mistrust yourself, when to everyone else it seems crystal clear what the problem is.

I have the opposite problem in that DH feels very threatened by my inheritance (I think that's the problem) and wants me to just leave all of it to the kids. Sod that after 50 years of family dynamics. I will, of course, leave most, but it's still mine to decide about!

tofutti · 03/10/2016 22:34

OP has a strange posting history. Has posted a goady 2 line OP in Jan and then disappeared.

Works in a restaurant but has inherited £300k that her DH wants to lend away. Don't they need the money themselves?

user1473454752 · 03/10/2016 22:35

why would your husband be sticking up for your sister???

NewlySkinnyMe · 03/10/2016 22:39

I am confused as to why wveryone is attacking the guaband when its the SIL who asked for the money and then for nasty after. Its not all his fault

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 03/10/2016 22:43

It's his sister, user. but probably not

lborgia · 03/10/2016 22:46

Fair enough Tofutti - hope it's useful to others as well anyway.

"Newly" because DH and OP are supposed to be a team, and he should be on her side in any similar situation? He should not be trying to get her to part with a huge amount of money when it's not in his family's best interests.

Lackingsleep77 · 03/10/2016 22:48

She is very brazen asking and name calling.. Tell her no way would she get a penny. If she had the money and you needed that amount, would she give it to you?

RubbishMantra · 03/10/2016 23:11

Indeed cozie. I have learned the hard way how the sharks smell blood.

People can behave in despicable ways when money enters the equation.

Alleycat1 · 03/10/2016 23:18

This is a no-brainer. Ask your SIL if the bank will lend her the money; if the answer is no then she is a high risk and you should refuse to help. If the answer is in the affirmative then tell her to take a bank loan.

portico · 03/10/2016 23:20

Keep hold of the money for your future. Make sure it is a separate account from your husband. Think about your own future and your family. I think you get the gist from all posts. You can give SIL the money and be in an unhapp situation, or you can keep the money and still be in an unhappy situation. I would choose the latter.

SusanneLinder · 03/10/2016 23:27

I would put the money into a separate account away from husband and greedy SIL

EverySongbirdSays · 03/10/2016 23:52

I'm wondering if the OP hasn't been back purely and simply because it's a reverse and she's just had her arse handed to her.....

I hope she was real, rarely is Mumsnet so united in being on the OPs side.

JunosRevenge · 04/10/2016 00:21

I was wondering if it was a reverse too...

Ciutadella · 04/10/2016 07:20

Slightly but not wholly off topic, a pp said there would be little cgt because it has been such a short time since op's df died. I am not sure if that is true - wouldn't the cgt be measured from the date that op and dsis were given the house by df?
(Op also doesn't say if df continued to live in the house after giving it to op and dsis - if so that may effect inheritance tax - complicated but i think there are rules about 'gift with reservation' depending on whether dfather paid market rent etc.)
anyway. I think it seems fairly clear that the usual rule applies - only lend money if you are content never to get it back! It is interesting though that pps say that it is op's money not 'our' money. On a recent thread the consensus was quite different - it was 'our' money. On that thread Dh was going to give it all to charity. Obviously the facts were quite different, but the principle was that most people (not all) took the view that dh should see it as joint money.

IdaDown · 04/10/2016 07:44

Agree with ElectricBoob (page 5).

Trust with independent trustees.

Although perhaps I can understand what a previous poster meant about unreliable bank accounts - your DH and his family having pester power over your DCs to ask them to withdraw cash.

Alternatively you can buy a property for them, in their names. No cash, ties up the money from others. Reinvest the rental to pay down any mortgage.

Speak to a good solicitor/independent financial advisor about trusts and investments. Another good way to increase capital for the DCs, long term.

Fortitudine · 04/10/2016 08:03

I inherited a substantial amount from my father, and while it benefits me and my partner, I think of it as my daughter's ultimately. No way should you give SIL a penny. I would never speak to her again. I also have a tricky SIL. Obsessed with money. I no longer speak to her because of an incident years ago when she tried desperately to find out how much I would inherit, and a mere three weeks after my mum died said that I was lucky I was an only child as I wouldn't have to share my inheritance when my dad died - told her to get to fuck!

FairyFlake45 · 04/10/2016 10:32

Do not give her any money!!!!! And don't let your DH get his hands on any of it either.

hazebaze87 · 04/10/2016 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BubblestarUK · 04/10/2016 20:56

Where has OP gone? I hope she's ok x

Anmi0802 · 04/10/2016 21:19

In this case it's YOUR MONEY, because your father gave it to you.
YANBU

Anmi0802 · 04/10/2016 21:27

Mazmamm you made me laughed now, so funny what you said. So true kkkkkk
I would as well hahaah