AIBU to be upset by SIL's behaviour

[RedRoosterLondon]

I lost my dad six months ago. He wasn't wealthy but he did own a house. As we live in London he put in our (my sister and myself) names to minimise inheritance tax when he died.

Because he had used a good solicitor things and had a simple will went through quickly, so we were able to sell the house a few weeks ago.

My sister in law has asked for a loan for 300k - to rescue her failing business. I refused and have been called every name under the sun, because she knows I have iit.

My husband wants me to help her. AIBU to say no.

Your money. So if you don't agree, it doesn't budge.

How unbelievable rude. Called you names? This is not the sort of person you want to invest in/loan money to. Don't give in to her bullying ways. Or his.

FUCK no, do not lend her this money. I can't believe your DH expects you to, sister or no sister. That's a life changing amount and they want you to pour it into a failing business. I'm staggered.

Your dad couldn't possibly have wanted your inheritance to be used in this way. It's for you. Don't let them pressure you into it.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

You say the business is 'failing'?
What's the business? Why is it failing?
If it's a rubbish business (selling ear candles for snowy armadillos or some equally whacky off the wall nonsense) then stay well clear... hubster needs a slap too... If it's a good business being run by a numpty then have it independently appraised, buy it off her for 10% of it's value (if it's going under anyway, she'll take what she can and run) then employ a decent team to run it for you... that's the Google way

If I were you I'd have that money sewn up tight or you'll gradually just watch it seeping away... or alternatively you could go out and buy £300k worth of fluffy rainbow unicorns just to really piss her off

I would say I'm shocked that sil is asking you for money 6 months after your father died.

YANBU. Fil and sil spent most of my ddDH's inheritance, (complicated).

Stay strong and keep your head up. I'm very sorry for your loss, and you are not in the right place to make decisions about giving £300,000 away. She should be supporting you, not using a time whilst you are vulnerable to get her hands on your inheritance.

Don't lend her the money! And see this solicitor asap to see if there is any way you can tie that money up so your other half can't get it! It sounds like he would give it to her if he could. Yes, you are married so it's 'joint' money, but YOUR dad left that to you, so it's YOURS!

Please take steps to protect it and DO NOT give it to your SIL at any cost. She sounds vile! She shouldn't have asked you in the first place. She shouldn't be being abusive to you for saying no. And your other half should be sticking up for you!

Money does strange things to people. Stand your ground.

I can't believe your husband would back her on this. Mine wouldn't. No way.

Does SIL own Monarch Airlines?

Failing being the operative word!

I'd rather divorce my DH than give my SiL £300k.

I would never ask to borrow money from anyone no matter how desperate i was....it puts people on the spot and can cause so many problems....i think the response upthread was fab 'sorry its for my childrens future and im not prepared to risk it'....

omg move that money RIGHT now if it's in joint names. Get of mumsnet and MOVE IT.

it is not "our" money. It's "your" money.

I don't know where you are in the country but I've been advised by a solicitor in Scotland that inheritance isn't counted in a divorce settlement when dividing assets so I always look at inheritance as nothing to do
With my spouse and anything he inherits is nothing to do with me.

For the record, Your sister in law is one cheeky cheeky bitch.

The business is running at loss for a reason... That is not reason not to put into filing businesses.... Ask your husband to take a loan off 'his' home and lend his sister(?) the money from what he gets as a loan. The when he loses his home (and yours) you can just go away and buy yourself a nice humble abode!

Has OP come back since first few posts on this?!

I'm sorry for your loss op
Please see a solicitor asap and ring fence your inheritance for yourself and your children. You never know what may happen in the future X

Yes, put the money in a Trust fund for your DCs, ensuring your DH or any other of his side of the family are not named as Trustees.

Can I suggest you post this in the Legal section of the site. Then go and get advice from an accountant.

I think your husband is totally insensitive, considering your loss and the hassling into giving his sister £300,000, actually I think his/her behaviour is beyond fucking shocking.

Don't let anyone screw you over.

No, OP has disappeared.

Why would you ever put £300k into anything that was most likely to result in you losing all you'd put in? Investing in a failing small business has to be one of the worst financial investments you could make. Your DH is not thinking straight.

Yes shared to some degree but your father left it to you not to you both. I recently came into a sum of money and yes it's been spent on things for us both and our chilren but he said you worked for it not me so it's your decision. Tell your husband if it was something sensible that would benefit your family then fine but to throw away money of that amount into a sinking ship is just plain idiotic and your poor parents would do somersaults never mind turn in the grave.

Oh my God.......cant believe I'm reading this. The money is another issue but you only lost your dad 6 months ago and she's got the ordasity to call you names because you won't lend her 300K from his inheritance! Then calling you names????? This woman is an absolute disgrace. Cut her out all together and take the time you need after this devastating and unfortunate loss.

Really?? I don't believe this, its so far fetched.

Don't lend. That's you and your family future security. If your SIL receives the money so easily will she have any incentive to put it too good use. Why is her business failing. Why on earth would she ask you for so much money. It's a bit brass neck really. We have a few episodes of family borrowing money not 300k but quite a lot, a few payments were made and then nothing, nada. So unless you would be OK to lose that amount of money, you should just keep it for your future needs. That's my tuppence worth :-)

Hmm bummy. Odd that OP dropped a big one and hasn't returned.

YANBU. Simply say you don't lend money, especially not to family, as it leads to falling out and a hostile environment.

Don't lend it. Tie it up for the kids in a watertight trust fund. Leave out £15k - £5k for treats (designer handbag, spa break etc) and £10k for divorce lawyers and rent while you gtfo.

Good luck.

...and £10k for divorce lawyers and rent while you gtfo.....

Do not tip your money into a sinking ship, not unless you can afford to lose it and not miss it. Your SIL is wrong to make you feel bad about what you do with your own money.