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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset by SIL's behaviour

303 replies

RedRoosterLondon · 01/10/2016 23:58

I lost my dad six months ago. He wasn't wealthy but he did own a house. As we live in London he put in our (my sister and myself) names to minimise inheritance tax when he died.

Because he had used a good solicitor things and had a simple will went through quickly, so we were able to sell the house a few weeks ago.

My sister in law has asked for a loan for 300k - to rescue her failing business. I refused and have been called every name under the sun, because she knows I have iit.

My husband wants me to help her. AIBU to say no.

OP posts:
buttercup54321 · 03/10/2016 17:46

YOUR father left it to YOU, not your husband and is sister. I would make sure neither of them get a penny of it..YANBU xx

snakesalive · 03/10/2016 17:48

Oh my fucking god....never mind the sil..yr husbands being a twat.how dare he...use money to divorce him....joking...but seriously how dare either of them....your money.YOURS only

oldgrandmama · 03/10/2016 17:50

Hope you've got the cash in a SEPARATE ACCOUNT in your name only and not a joint one.

user1471461752 · 03/10/2016 17:50

Haven't read the whole thread but DO NOT DO it. You could lose all of your inheritance! She has no right to ask and your dad didn't work hard all of his life to leave £300k to your sil. That's what he wanted for you. To make your life easier. Please don't do it.

user1464648036 · 03/10/2016 17:51

YANBU, but in the spirit of MN, write her a cheque and then cancel it

DustyOfSkye · 03/10/2016 17:52

i don't think the op is coming back...

GrandMarmoset · 03/10/2016 17:52

YANBU. Never lend what you're not prepared to lose.

Sancia · 03/10/2016 17:53

I'd be using that 300k to get rid of the shitty "give all your cash - wait, OUR cash - to my dopey family." If he likes them so much he can go live on their sodding sofa. "Our" money indeed. Clear where his loyalties lie.

You've got the gift of lifelong financial independence with that - something many of us can only dream about. Don't let either of the grasping bastards touch a penny.

Scarriff · 03/10/2016 17:53

Its a lot of money even if some of it has to go to Tax. What does SiL want to do with it? Expand? Pay back an expensive loan? I am just wondering what justtification she an you dh have for asking for the money. What is being offered in return? Shares? Would that be a controlling share? Who works in the business? Does dh have a financial interest himself? I agree with the rest of the posters about not 'lending' the money but as your refusal is causing such a furore it might be wise to consider the situation from the family view.

glowfrog · 03/10/2016 17:54

No it is not "your" money in the way your DH means. It's meant for your family - you, DH, and any of your DC if you have them.

Apart from anything else, I wouldn't want to lend money to anyone who would call me names if I said no. Fuck that.

Chrissy1982 · 03/10/2016 17:57

He is not a DH he is an FC. He should back you 100% or clear off.

ImperialBlether · 03/10/2016 17:59

I know in the US an inheritance belongs to the person concerned, not to the husband, too. Can it be left like that in the UK?

Ndotto · 03/10/2016 18:03

YANBU. My sister in law is a millionaire (thanks to a whacking great divorce settlement, she's never worked as far as I know) and I set up a business last year and I would never, ever ask her for so much as a penny. Just no! How is she offering to pay it back? Is she offering interest / equity? Has she shown you a business plan? Tell her to go to the bank and get a loan like anyone else. And if the bank won't lend her money ... well, that says it all about how safe your cash would be! Cheeky bloody cow. Quite cross and indignant on your behalf OP!

ToffeeForEveryone · 03/10/2016 18:03

YANBU. Do not agree to this, you will never see that money again.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/10/2016 18:05

Can it be left like that in the UK?

No. It may be left to one person but if married it goes into the 'family pot'

It can be sometimes left untouched in divorce, if there is enough to leave each partner on an equal footing without using it. (usually big money cases)

cozietoesie · 03/10/2016 18:07

Scots law is a bit different, Piglet.

Ndotto · 03/10/2016 18:07

Also OP what would your dad think? He would have wanted you and your sister to have security - if he'd wanted that grabbing cow to have it the house would have been in her name, end of!

NotTodayDoris · 03/10/2016 18:08

Piglet- inheritance only goes into the family pot if the person who inherited it treats it as family money. If the person who inherited keeps it entirely separate from the marriage then it is not included as marital assists when divorcing.

DinosaursRoar · 03/10/2016 18:10

While normally I'd be of the opinion that a windfall was 'family money' - I would say in the case of having DCs from a previous relationship and the money coming from their Grandfather, does change matters. If you can, I'd be putting that money in the DCs names. If, god forbid, something happened to the OP, it doesn't sound like her DH is sensible enough with money or with normal priorities to ensure they get anything. (because frankly, noone with a scrap of common sense would think a loan like this was a good idea - she's not suggesting selling a share of the business to you, and if it was likely she could easily repay the loan, she'd have already used a bank for the loan)

Jessikita · 03/10/2016 18:10

That's a ridiculous amount of money to loan out. When she doesn't pay it back even if you sue and win likelihood is slim if ever recovering it.
I would say give her grand outright but after her behaviour she can whistle!!

mummylove2monsters · 03/10/2016 18:11

If you had billions I still think it's a cheek to demand and abuse you for saying no _ get to the solicitor and come up with a plan to protect yourselves- your husband sounds like a snake - I'd get it into kids names so he can't divorce you and hit you for a chunk of it - do it now - please please - big love to you x

joanofgraceland · 03/10/2016 18:14

This is outrageous to expect you to prop up her failing business. There is a reason it is failing - either she is incompetent, the business is not sufficient to sustain it or it is in the wrong place/area/business for the people who live there. Whichever it is, then you are right to refuse. £300K? I cannot believe she even asked you for this. Your husband needs to understand that this inheritance of yours will sustain your family and him for a long time. It should be yours to enjoy and not to lend out to all family as they see fit. Sadly it may cause a rift in the family and has already done so, but you are better off without them if they expect you to fork out when their business hits rock bottom. Why has she not been given or applied for a loan? Perhaps it was refused because of one of the above reasons. Again, either way, better off not lending her it. I doubt you will get it back and YOU will have taken the risk in HER business when it should be HER risk. This inheritance secures your family's future. You need to explain this to your husband.

MoonStar07 · 03/10/2016 18:14

Your DH has infuriated me!!! You've lost your father and now your SIL (his sister?) wants 300k?! Wtf YANBU!!! Do NOT give her a penny!

PikachuBoo · 03/10/2016 18:16

Whether or not it is 'family' money is irrelevant - such a big decision with family money should be taken jointly anyway.
No.

londonrach · 03/10/2016 18:16

Never ever lend money you cant afford to lose.