To ground my dd and not let her go to her bf bd party???

[LoveMyRs]

My dd always talk back to me and she always complaining about something it's driving me mad I tried everything.
Was trying to do some homework today and she didn't think its fair and i ask her to behave otherwise and as usual she is like otherwise what? I hate when she does that.
I said do u want to do homework yes or no she said i am not sure
I was so angry and said i am not finishing ur dress for the party tomorrow and u are not going.
Sent her to bed she was sad then she said sorry and she wanted to do her homework but i said thats too late now and i make up my mind.
I feel bad and not sure what to do
If i let her go she will feel that what ever she does i will always put her happiness first and she can go away with anything because i love her so much. On the other hand not letting her go making me feel like a horrible mum.

I'd help her undress, advise her on talking to HT herself if possible, and believe her next time she says she is tired.

My dMIL would talk about how nice and cosy and relaxing it is to bounce in clean homely PJs as opposed to the uniform she wore all day

Maybe I'm wrong, but I think you are expecting her to do as she is told. She just isn't going to. It's about talking to her as the examples after your last message about getting changed after school. Yes, it sounds miserable that she talked for days about things not being fair and it is great you sorted something out. My dd doesn't like the word no. And I don't sweat the small stuff.

I also think you're not giving her enough control over her life. My dd can choose to change or remain in her school clothes. This is what I mean about sweating the small stuff. Doing the gymnastics on the sofa sounds exactly like my 8 Yr old dd.

It goes back to what some of us said earlier. Clear rules and boundaries. Just not too many of them. If you want to limit her tv time and/or screen time in general, would it work better to decide how long she can watch tv or play on a screen (say an hour in the evening)? Then she can record programmes she wants to watch for the approximate duration or schedule her play or homework time around viewing a certain programme. I would also give her a down day every now and then of being able to snuggle in a blanket and have a movie afternoon, watch a couple of films with some popcorn, stuff like that for her to look forward to. Or a family movie evening once a week.

It's all about giving her some control. And you taking the adult control firmly back so that she knows where the boundaries are. She's a child and a work in progress .

Setting unrealistic punishments that you know you'll not be able to go through with is a really silly thing to do.
If you go back on what you said then all she will learn is 'mum never really means it' and will have even less respect for you. But if you do carry out what you said then she could potentially loose a friend over it.
Good workable punishments are. No chocolate for a week, no pocket money that week, take away favourite toy, bed 30 earlier for a few nights,
Being banned from attending her friends party is harsh. I'd like to know what her punishment would be if she was really really bad

bug sge went to the party.

Op your english is fine, noione else had trouble reading your posts.
Does sound like your dd is trying to push you.
Try to stay calm.

Thx again everyone
Thx KALI she does push me and she succeeded last week i lost it.
She is doing better this week.
Next step tidying her room there is a thread am watching .
Wish me luck

So op, many on here thought you were being unreasonable and think you're over reacting to normal 9 year old behaviour. Do you agree with what anyone says or are you just going to carry on as before. You did ask if ywbu..

FGS you've had some great advice. Your response, change your behaviour NOOOOOO,

Next step tidying her room there is a thread I'm watching,

Goodluck!
mummy some people think the op should change her behaviour.
I don't think she's doing anything wrong.
I would not have gotten away with this type of behaviour and i wouldn't stand for it either.
I certainly would be hiding my phones because the temptation is just to great.

I would not have got away with this kind of behaviour
What behaviour? you mean like being a normal 9 year old. What was so terrible about the little girls behaviour apart from being tired and having a moan about homework. Good grief!

Kali10. I understand what you are saying. I wouldn't have got away with this behaviour. My mother was horrible and to me and extremely unreasonable. (I'm not saying op is horrible to her dd btw). More she isn't very tuned to her Dd and is missing cues from her. My dd is the same age as ops dd so I'm making some direct comparisons. I am aware that I'm very in tune with my dd because I want her to have a much better upbringing than I. And I'm also aware not everyone is the same as me. I'm more frustrated that op doesn't seem to have taken what others have said on board. And lots of what was said was with care and consideration to ops feelings.

hope backchatting, and taking op's phone after she was told not too and saying she should have hidden it. No i wouldn't of, that was disrespectful.
Having a moan about homework and not wanting to do it, yes normal.
mummy i'm sorry about your mother, that is awful, not all are the same though.
i don't think op is being unreasonable for not wanting her dd to be disrespectful towards her, or that she should let her get away with certain things. I don't think the op sounds controlling, just doesn't want her dd backchatting her.

Not sure why some people are taking it too personal.
I did say many times that i did overreact and that the punishment was too harsh.
I did have a long talk to dd and we sort it out she went to the party and enjoyed her time.
I did achieve to make dd a bit more responsible by not chat back and respect my word and you think thats so horrible.
There is a lot of bad behaviour that come with every year of a child's life and its our responsibility as mothers to show them whats good to carry on doing and what is not acceptable.
I love for my children to respect my words specially that there is not so much of it.
One more thing if training a child by praising her to be more tidy is a crime you caught me red handed.

Op every person parents/was parented differently.
Some people think you are too strict, others don't.
There is nothing wrong with wanting your daughter to grow up being respectful.
It's up to you what you take from here.
My father was much the same as you.
Some things i would not do the same, however the wanting respect i agree with.
Goodluck!