To ground my dd and not let her go to her bf bd party???

[LoveMyRs]

My dd always talk back to me and she always complaining about something it's driving me mad I tried everything.
Was trying to do some homework today and she didn't think its fair and i ask her to behave otherwise and as usual she is like otherwise what? I hate when she does that.
I said do u want to do homework yes or no she said i am not sure
I was so angry and said i am not finishing ur dress for the party tomorrow and u are not going.
Sent her to bed she was sad then she said sorry and she wanted to do her homework but i said thats too late now and i make up my mind.
I feel bad and not sure what to do
If i let her go she will feel that what ever she does i will always put her happiness first and she can go away with anything because i love her so much. On the other hand not letting her go making me feel like a horrible mum.

If anyone had ever asked me whether I would like to do my homework when I was at school then the answer would never have been yes. If they had asked me whether or not I thought I ought to do my homework and get it out of the way then I would have been more likely to have reluctantly agreed with them and cooperated.

Using another child's birthday party as your punishment is never a good idea. It also punishes the other child, which is unfair. Especially if they are best friends.

Think your punishments through a bit more carefully.

Also, pick your battles. A child complaining about having to do homework is nothing unusual and it sounds to me as though she would have begrudgingly done it anyway.

A quick "we will sort out your party dress once your homework is done" is far more succinct, clear and much less of a drama than sending her to her room, then deciding that her apology wasn't to your liking, then banning her from the party, then saying she could earn it back and doing a massive u-turn.

I also absolutely agree with Alec. Homework for children of that age is pointless.

When I was at primary school we didn't get homework. That began at 11 with the transfer to secondary school, and IMHO that is still quite soon enough.

They are only children once, and should be allowed to be just that, children!

I've always said that about homework. Kids are tired after a day at school as are parents. All homework does is add stress to the house.

Homework is a nightmare and should be banned!

Apologise to her (you are allowed to admit you made a mistake), not letting her go the party will be more of a punishment for the friend as it is HER special day not ruined not your daughters. xplain why you got upset. Try to come to an agreement with her about when she should do homework and how homework time should look.

SquinkiesRule certainly all i cared about
I knew my parents meant business when they threatened my screen time
Had to start my hw when i got in and finish it if i only had a bit.
If i had a lot i had to start it, have dinner watch my favourite programme, then finish it if i wanted more screen/my own time.
Wkends were different but i'd usually done it by the sun anyway.
Don't think op has made a mistake.
She made it very clear, even said she could still go to the party after dd was rude, yet dd still broke the rules.
The op shouldn't have to hide phones, laptops etc to stop the child from looking at them.

I feel a challenge with her almost everyday.
Today she was a perfect child she went to party was a but upset when we left as she wanted to stay more but she quickly remembered that she should not argue with me so she said am a bit sad we have to leave but am not ganna be grumpy.
Yaaaay for me
I know some thought am being too hard or too controlling.
But i did try everything from rewards to rules time out when she was smaller taking away things.
For me it feels that it work at the moment but she forgot easily.
So i do 10 things the way she want but as soon as i said no for something i am always saying no and never let her do anything.
We do play dates almost every week but as soon as i said we cant this day she start crying and talking about other stuff that I don't even have control over.
She is a very smart girl sometimes i feel she is a teenager not 8

Do you think she might be a bit frightened of you, you seem to have a lot of rules. Remember she's a child, don't expect perfect obedience all the time. It all seems so intense. You say "she quickly remembered not to argue with you", is she not allowed to put across her point of view?

I don't think she has a lot of rules at all, just trying a lot of things because her dd isn't behaving.
Also don't think she sounds scared, just that she's realising she needs to learn to stick to what she's agreed.

You are being too hard and too controlling. Why on earth did she have to swap one punishment for another over a non existent issue. The punishment was being sent to her room initially. You did not need to send her to her room, refuse to do her party dress, refuse to accept her apology and make her exchange the no party punishment for no screen time over her saying she didn't want to do her homework! She is going to push you big time.

You should have said that you over reacted and in the heat of the moment, gave her a punishment that didn't fit her 'crime'. I have blurted something out before then realised I didn't actually want to follow it through and I have owned it and said I was wrong.

I'm thinking that maybe English isn't your main language and maybe that's why you are coming across as you do. I hope so, because you're coming across as really, really mean. Your daughter has done nothing wrong really, no one wants to do homework on a Friday night. You ask a stupid question, the answer was unsurprising.

Hope she sure isn't frightened well sometimes i wish she is looool
Lets see what will happen tomorrow
I think after our long talk this morning she did understand that by behaving she will get more benefits and doing what i asked her not to do will result in a punishment or not having the reward she wanted.
I don't have my hopes up as we did that before worked for few days then went back the same road maybe we should have more of these talks

As for all the ladies who think homework is a stupid think to fight about well its quite important to us.
English is not my first language and the homework was for our mother language where she goes on saturday so really delaying it all week will result in having a friday homework an afraid.
Some ppl may think hell with that why would she need to learn that but thats quit important to our family and is a must no negotiation there.

I am easy going 80% of the times but there is some lines that I don't like when it get crossed.
I do get that a child need energy they play they jump they scream thats having fun even on a long working days i would happily allow it or even join in.
What get on my nerves is when she talk back in a rude way challenging me.
Reading what i wrote before without seeing her face saying it i can see where you are coming from. But the look she had the way she talk make me depressed. I do know i overreacted and it's probably because i felt all her talk back that day not just about the homework thing.

If i am being mean because i want her to respect me and understand you had your fun now its time to go. Then mean what i need to be.
I said that she did as told and was so proud as normally she would make a scene when the time is up.
The way i see it instead of enjoying her 2h play she will cry for around the same time if not more she will forget all the fun she had and remember the horrible ending
While today by being sensible and listen to the horrible mum she spent the way home smiling and remembering the funny stuff
I want her to be happy and to do so maybe i need to be mean sometimes

Thx kali10 appreciate your support

OP when your dd decided to co-operate, remember the rules and come away from the party without a fuss today, did you praise her, say 'well done', and tell her that you were proud of her for behaving so well?

So she goes to school all week, does homework on s Friday night, and then school on a Saturday. Poor love, doesnt seem to have much fun.

Does she want to go to Saturday school? Given she wasnt previously allowed to the party because of her schedule, I'm guessing she misses out on a lot of fun because of this extra school. It's a lot of work and not a lot of fun for a little girl.

Dodo i sure did. We did talk about her behaviour during dinner as well and i did try to make her see the bigger picture and how much more fun it is when we do the right thing.

Bluesky sorry to disappoint you but she does like the saturday school as she meets with friends that she can't see during weekdays.
And she does lots of things that she loves from swimming to tennis to street dance to after school club to play dates and not to forget Sunday family time.
I do put my dd need to play and have fun first but i do expect to be serious for 10mn a week for a homework i sure dont think am asking too much.
I am not the only one on the universe who have her dd in school on weekend i know lots of mums in her school from other backgrounds have the same arrangement for either saturday or sunday

I think its too much I'm afraid, and its awful saying that you want her to be frightened of you.

Given that most people I here think your were too harsh, do you not think we may have a point?

Oh Dear i think you missed the looool there.
I did admit many times that i was a bit hard with the party thing but I don't believe that i was asking too much.
Homework needs to be done and i will not wait for her to get behind in her study just because she doesn't think its the right time to do it or because i need to chill and let her deal with it.
She is at that age when she can handle some responsibility even if she doesn't like it
Life is not just playing and having fun and its the right time to learn that.
My dd lives in a fairy tales where she is the princess and everyone have to follow her needs well thats not real life and i will not wait till she is 18 to find out that.

Oh Dear i think you missed the looool there.
I did admit many times that i was a bit hard with the party thing but I don't believe that i was asking too much.
Homework needs to be done and i will not wait for her to get behind in her study just because she doesn't think its the right time to do it or because i need to chill and let her deal with it.
She is at that age when she can handle some responsibility even if she doesn't like it
Life is not just playing and having fun and its the right time to learn that.
My dd lives in a fairy tales where she is the princess and everyone have to follow her needs well thats not real life and i will not wait till she is 18 to find out that.

I don't think she has a lot of rules at all, just trying a lot of things because her dd isn't behaving.
Also don't think she sounds scared
Totally don't agree, not my idea of parenting anyway. I never had to be too strict with my children. Threatening a (tired) child to not let her go to a party because of a little tiff over homework is imo wrong.

She's not living in a fairytale world, she's living in a world where she has classes 6 out of 7 days, homework and was initially not allowed to her friend's party, because she has to do extra work on a Saturday.

I'm not sure why you made her leave the party early, I can't see that she has done anything wrong in this thread. Of course she won't want to do her homework, and of course she wants more screen time, she's a child. I feel your expectations are unreasonable.

Who said she left the party early? I think you need to read more carefully