To question whether this child should be in mainstream school?

[Goldenhandshake]

There is a child in my DC's year 3 class, I do not know the extent of his learning difficulties or conditions, I have spoken to his mum on a few occasions and she has stated he has ADHD, however there may be more she hasn't divulged, always assumed it was none of my business tbh. She was very open in saying he had set his siblings coat on fire previously (whilst the sibling was wearing it!).

However I am becoming increasingly worried, he has had several very violent outburst in class and the playground, he has been pulled off another child after wrapping his hands round his throat and choking the lad, has thrown a chair at the teacher and broken a window. It sounds very much like he has difficulty controlling his anger and I am now concerned for my DC's safety.

I don't want to be one of those parents who pushes out children for being different or having complex needs, but I equally do not want the worry that he will attack or harm my child.

So WIBU to request a meeting or call with the school to find out what they are doing to either limit the risk or manage this child's needs appropriately and keep the rest of the class safe?

The school is to blame in this case Cody.

Yes he was being spectaculars failed - absolutely - I can imagine he was bloody miserable being picked on daily till he was so wound up he exploded

My DD missed 3 trips planned one year and 2 the following year

Just saying schools don't know not all - can't handle every situation and it does affect your child education

You have every right to question what they are doing about it - and it's not just a safeguarding issue its education

I would be speaking to school.. I would feel sorry for him, like you do. But my main concern in this and everything would be my child.
Good luck :)

School will have noticed. They won't be sweeping it under the carpet or hoping no-one else notices.

I would assume that cogs are turning behind the scenes to either make changes to the way the boy is supported within mainstream school or to find a suitable special school.

I have been the mother of the disruptive child in this situation. There is no way that the school will be doing nothing.

Of course, I would ask questions about your own child's safety in class if you have concerns. I would definitely leave the other boy's parents & the professionals involved to worry about his suitability for mainstream school.

That was all down to the school Cody not the child. FWIW when ds went on a school trip the LA funded a stand in HT so that ds's HT could lead the trip freeing up ds's class teacher to be a second support to ds and a coach rather than the minibus so that there was plenty of space for the extra staff and room for ds to have space when needed. It can be done schools don't always give a shit and parents don't always realise their power.

schools don't always give a shit

^^
THIS!!

My child is a milder version of this child. He has thrown chairs and been loud/shouty/scary but does not target other children and in fact is more likely to self harm.

He doesn't (yet) have a statement because his problems have escalated gradually over time with school not recognising the issue fully until yr 4 follwoed by a total meltdown in year 5.

He has a diagnosis but not a statement because the EP felt that because academically he wasn't behind enough to get one but she has now decided that the support he needs to access the curriculum is so significant that he will probably get one.

Luckily the school (once they'd accepted the problem) were brilliant. They managed to get emergency funding for a 1:1 TA despite no statement and they followed my advice which involved teaching him separately in a separate room with very slow gradual reintroduction back into the classroom.

He is now fully reintegated and so far this term has not needed the TA to be glued to him except in his most challenging lessons.

In the meantime (and due to two other children with similar issues) other parents were worried about the effect on their children and the school had a evening to explain to people what strategies the school were using.

Parents felt much happier with the school explaining to them and all seems much calmer this year.

And several other children have benefitted from the additional TA support when DS has not needed it.

So it's OK for you to express your concern about the safety of your child or to enquire if the school has adequate support/strategies in place. Not OK - as others have pointed out to be saying he shouldn;t be in a mainstream school.

As an aside through the height of the problem (everyone knew as it's a small school) only one parent contacted me to ask if I was OK. I could have kissed her. It was probably one of the most stressful episodes of my life and no-one really much cared except that their child was OK. Understandable of course. But lonely.

Kewcumber Yes the two parents who were quietly supportive behind the scenes even though ds had hurt their children were pure gold to me and incidentally got more action (in terms of getting more support for ds) than the loud mouthed and protesting parents ever could have.

I am not calling for him to be removed - well you were kinda! The clue being in the thread title but I understand that you've reconsidered.

Interestingly the parents of the boys who were most concerned about their cherub were unaware that their sons' campaign of "teasing" that had started the crisis.

The school now recognise this and have paid more attention to it. Ironically it is now DS who is deemed to be the vulnerable child rather than the others in class.

Anyway we have been lucky, massively supportive school and resources provided quickly by local council.

The reason so many MS schools fail to support children with SEND is that they can hide how many pupils have SEN, but they can't hide how many have an EHCP. So my DS's school for example won't support an EHCP application (because there are no spaces in special schools) for a child who sounds very similar to the one described by the OP. Their aim is to make the experience so unpleasant for the child that their parents move them anyway. And other parents complaining that they don't want this kind of kid in their child's class is just more grist to the mill.

I've witnessed it, I know what they're doing. It's simply not true to say that all schools will be managing it well behind the scenes.

If they were managing the child well, things wouldn't have got to this state of affairs in the first place.

insan1ty - I cried when I got my one text of support. Also from a parent who's child DS had pushed (his only actual violence against a person)

My child was hurt by a child with additional needs at school

I felt worse for the other child than mine in a way, because the other child was obviously being failed at school.. the knock on effect was outbursts and other children getting hurt

I never ever wanted the other child out of the school, I wanted the other child properly supported so that the knock on effect wasn't my child getting hurt. I also wanted better adult supervision of all children, where were the adults when this happened?

I 100% blamed the school, not the child, the child's parents, or the decision for the child to be in mainstream school

However I do disagree with PPs that it was none of my business whether the other child was adequately supported in school when they clearly weren't and i was affecting everyone else in the environment (and obviously mostly the child itself)

I don't see how I could have asked the school to keep my child safe in school without raising the issue of adequate support for other children in the classroom?

Kewcumber one of the children ds hurt is now a professional footballer I follow his success like he was one of my own It couldn't have happened to a nicer family tbh and I am thrilled for them.

Every child has the legal right to be educated in a mainstream setting.
YABU and fucking horrible I might add, it's a child ffs.
School can't force him into a special school, his parents have to make that choice but even then the local authority can turn around and say he has to stay there.

Kewcumber - Questioning whether he should be in mainstream school isn't the same as saying I don't want him there/he needs to be removed. However surely it should be questioned, surely all avenues should be considered/explored?

I can imagine the parents of children he has hurt may feel that way, I can't blame them to be honest. A scenario as YuckYuck described would be preferable to me, a bit of transparency and information (if his parents are comfortable with that).

I think it would help as the parents of the other DC's in his class could maybe educate DC as to this boys triggers etc and help by managing our DC's behaviour if necessary.

Patapouf 'Horrible' for wanting to know my DC will be safe in the event of an outburts? Ok

OP you are right to be worried about your child and the other childs behaviour. Have a word with the school, I certainly would. Why should others have to walk on eggshells around this child, who clearly has serious problems, setting fire to his sibling's coat while the child was wearing it and strangling another child FFS! School and parents of child need to get their act together, for the sake of ALL the children in this class. It most definitely is YOUR business to know what happens to your child at school.

Right everythign is solved, CoolCarrie has spoken!

The OP has NOT said the child should be removed from the school at all! She is concerned about her childs needs and the other childs needs as well.

OP you are right to be worried about your child and the other childs behaviour. Have a word with the school, I certainly would. Why should others have to walk on eggshells around this child, who clearly has serious problems, setting fire to his sibling's coat while the child was wearing it and strangling another child FFS! School and parents of child need to get their act together, for the sake of ALL the children in this class. It most definitely is YOUR business to know what happens to your child at school.

And the school will look at you and sigh.

You can't complain about heresay and they can't do anything about heresay.
They have dealt with the issues that have arisen and will continue following process and procedure to manage this child.
If you say you're worried about your child with no grounds whatsoever or specific instance you will get shown the safeguarding policy and the door.

🙊🙈🙉 that's me told !

The reason so many MS schools fail to support children with SEND is that they can hide how many pupils have SEN, but they can't hide how many have an EHCP. So my DS's school for example won't support an EHCP application (because there are no spaces in special schools) for a child who sounds very similar to the one described by the OP. Their aim is to make the experience so unpleasant for the child that their parents move them anyway. And other parents complaining that they don't want this kind of kid in their child's class is just more grist to the mill.

They're not hiding it - the DFE has told schools to reclassify what previously would have been SEN and deal with it as a normal part of teaching. Local authorities have also made it increasingly difficult to get an EHCP.

Schools need parents to speak up - it adds weight to their options

Schools need parents to speak up - it adds weight to their options

You don't think parents will "speak up" about this?

What planet are you on?

Golden I don't think it's any of your business as to what the child's needs are or how the school are meeting them. I didn't and don't disclose ds's (or dd's) diagnosis to all and sundry and school wouldn't be able to and I would have taken legal action if they did.
You can ask the school what they are doing to keep your child safe because it sounds as if they are keeping your child safe (as from what you write your child hasn't been in any way put at risk or hurt by the child) but you don't get to have inside knowledge on the child's needs or the support given to him by the school.