Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To question whether this child should be in mainstream school?

337 replies

Goldenhandshake · 30/09/2016 12:14

There is a child in my DC's year 3 class, I do not know the extent of his learning difficulties or conditions, I have spoken to his mum on a few occasions and she has stated he has ADHD, however there may be more she hasn't divulged, always assumed it was none of my business tbh. She was very open in saying he had set his siblings coat on fire previously (whilst the sibling was wearing it!).

However I am becoming increasingly worried, he has had several very violent outburst in class and the playground, he has been pulled off another child after wrapping his hands round his throat and choking the lad, has thrown a chair at the teacher and broken a window. It sounds very much like he has difficulty controlling his anger and I am now concerned for my DC's safety.

I don't want to be one of those parents who pushes out children for being different or having complex needs, but I equally do not want the worry that he will attack or harm my child.

So WIBU to request a meeting or call with the school to find out what they are doing to either limit the risk or manage this child's needs appropriately and keep the rest of the class safe?

OP posts:
derxa · 30/09/2016 13:59

If teachers and so forth were spending all their time and energy, resources on that one child, their won't be billions of parents who are fighting for their child's needs. I didn't say all

WindPowerRanger · 30/09/2016 13:59

To be fair to DS, he wasn't deliberately being unkind to the other kid. It's just that he is 7, and wasn't to know that his favoured reaction of holding forth in a loud voice (probably with hands on hips, if I know DS) was not helping.

DS likes the other boy very much, considers him a friend, and is able to see that there is no malice and not much control in the other boy's actions (more than some parents can do, judging by insan1ty's horrible experience). DS just doesn't want to be hurt.

notgivingin789 · 30/09/2016 14:01

MerryMarigold Many things.

My DS had a statement at 4 (I thought this was too late!) but as statement was so shit, with it's unquantified provision, and wholly words. I went through tribunal to get his statement re-mended..he got this when he was just 5.

Many professionals who work with your child, well in my experience, don't mention you should seek a statement. If it wasn't for Mumsnet, I wouldn't of known what a statement was. Parents with SEN children have to do ALOT of the research themselves.

Some parents wait till their child is really struggling to obtain a statement.

It can take ages to get reports and so forth before obtaining a statement.

You do get a few parents who are a bit in denial and do refuse when a statement is suggested.

notgivingin789 · 30/09/2016 14:01

*his

insan1tyscartching · 30/09/2016 14:04

For ds though derxa things went wrong generally when there was a crap teacher who didn't bother with trying to meet the strategies and recommendations that were in place in the statement or who thought that ds's TA was her extra pair of hands rather than ds's support and seemed to think her photocopying and display work was more important than the children in her class's safety.
We have experienced brilliant NQTs and shockingly bad "experienced" teachers and a memorable SENCo who thought she knew it all and was forced to admit defeat after a half term of ds rule (and became a really good SENCo once she admitted that she needed a team to support ds and me to be at the heart of it).
Dd attended a school that took on all the permanently excluded children and many more on managed moves from a wide area.No child was ever excluded from that school and OFSTED rated behaviour outstanding so some school can and do support very challenging pupils very successfully alongside their peers.

CocktailQueen · 30/09/2016 14:09

They should be getting him an EHCP and a 1:1. Schools get funding to do this.

Yes, but that doesn't solve the problem of how the teacher handles the child and the rest of the class until then funding comes through (if it does). In Scotland there is no funding for 1:1 TAs. It's all about inclusive education.

Loudbat - It is not about catching a chair as it has been thrown, its about putting in the support throughout the day so the child can access education without being under so much pressure they lose control.

That makes sense; thanks for that.

MrsDeVere · 30/09/2016 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

derxa · 30/09/2016 14:14

insan I had a lot of experience of SEND kids in my class because people were attracted to the small class sizes in a small village school. We got good results but it was very hard work

Jasonandyawegunorts · 30/09/2016 14:15

It's all about inclusive education.

That's not inclusion then.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 30/09/2016 14:17

To inclusive education means using resources to bring each child to a similar level so that education can happen.

If that means spending more time with one child, then that's what it means.

insan1tyscartching · 30/09/2016 14:23

Yes and I'm sure that some of the crap teachers we had were "experienced with SEND" It means nothing really. Ds had a statement from being three years old, his statement was a tight statement specified and quantified. The LA provided 1 to 1 support for ds from the minute he set foot on the premises until I collected him at the end of the day, lunchtimes and breaktimes included. He got support in school from autism outreach, SSSEN outreach team.SALT, Ed Psych, OT, Child psychologist, the behaviour team.
It worked up until a crap teacher "experienced with SEND" thought she knew better and ignored the statement (in fact I don't think she bothered to read it tbh)

MerryMarigold · 30/09/2016 14:23

Many professionals who work with your child, well in my experience, don't mention you should seek a statement.

If a child is throwing chairs and throttling other children, and the school have not proceeded with getting a statement then they are failing the child and all the other children.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 30/09/2016 14:25

The kid who regularly kicks off at DS school is relentlessly targeted by some other kids who know that if they wind him up enough, he will explode. And the playground gossip is all about that boy, no-one ever pulls the other DCs up for their behaviour... I'd just be aware that there are two sides to every story OP.

momtothree · 30/09/2016 14:30

This cold will receive a lot of attention and time from the class teacher

It takes away valuable teaching time from your child's education

I moved DD because of a child like this - he was being bullied by a group of boys and yet he was punished for his reaction - yes he needed to cub his anger - BUT the teachers needed to target the bullies to prevent this happening

The bullies got away with it .....

He's much calmer now in High school away from these boys

t4nut · 30/09/2016 14:31

So nothing particularly unusual for a primary has happened, you've heard playground scuttlebutt about this child and the school appears to be managing it.

In answer to OPs questions.

Yes they should, wherever possible, be in mainstream as that is the DFEs policy.
Yes you are overreacting.
What safeguarding concerns are you raising - that a child might possibly do something to another child?

Unnecessary fussing, let the school get on with its job.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 30/09/2016 14:33

It takes away valuable teaching time from your child's education

This is the schools fault, not this childs.

myfavouritecolourispurple · 30/09/2016 14:34

I know that some of the kids in my dc's school have form for winding up children with anger issues/sen. I also can't help but think demonising children like this kind of gives your own child carte blanche to be as unpleasant to them as they like

The kid who regularly kicks off at DS school is relentlessly targeted by some other kids who know that if they wind him up enough, he will explode. And the playground gossip is all about that boy, no-one ever pulls the other DCs up for their behaviour... I'd just be aware that there are two sides to every story OP

I moved DD because of a child like this - he was being bullied by a group of boys and yet he was punished for his reaction - yes he needed to cub his anger - BUT the teachers needed to target the bullies to prevent this happening

Yes I've seen this going on. A good school will notice and sort it out the constant needling that goes on to provoke a reaction.

CodyKing · 30/09/2016 14:35

Unnecessary fussing, let the school get on with its job.

You haven't experienced this then?

DD had to run when the boy kicked off - once spent 2 hours in the hall while the teacher tried to coax him out from under a table

They canceled trips out because they couldn't take him and it wasn't fair

One fried was hit so hard he lost consciousness

One teacher was bitten

Yes dear don't fuss ..... Heard it all

Jasonandyawegunorts · 30/09/2016 14:38

that's the schools fault Cody, they are to blame.

to honestly suggest a school would cancel trips because of one child is over the top though, evenf ro a crap school.

CodyKing · 30/09/2016 14:38

Oh and for the record

There were plenty of class punishments for their behavior - lost trips lost playtime lost school clubs lost golden time

Why - because the teacher couldn't cope and it was easier to punish all then punish one -

Jasonandyawegunorts · 30/09/2016 14:39

Why are you blaming the child for a crap teacher?

CodyKing · 30/09/2016 14:39

Yes it is the schools fault and while your child is suffering and not learning are worried about being caught in the middle you have every right to question their care

insan1tyscartching · 30/09/2016 14:40

notgiving they were twats Angry but they must have felt stupid twats by the time the HT finished with them Grin She did relish telling me what had happened of course Wink after all she needed to let me know that my son had been the subject of a petition.
Ds moved schools but I did see one of the ringleaders years later who asked if ds was still so badly behaved Hmm I replied" he is still autistic much like you are still a twat really" funnily enough she never spoke to me again.

Original poster
Goldenhandshake · 30/09/2016 14:40

t4nut, I have not 'heard playground scuttlebutt' and over reacted. I have seen the smashed window, obviously asked about it and discovered what happened from my DC, who stated 'X lost his temper again and threw a chair at the window'. This was corroborated by the class teacher who obviously didn't name the child but referred to it as in 'incident' within the classroom. Luckily no one was hurt.

Can you honestly say if your child was in the class for this kind of event, after the child has previously choked another child amongst other hitting incidents, you'd not bat an eyelid?

I am not calling for him to be removed, and I understand the school will be unable to go into a specific plan on managing him and helping him, I guess I just want reassurance that they are capable of protecting my child and others from getting hurt. If my child was hurt by him, then frankly yes, I'd be taking a different stance.

OP posts:
Jasonandyawegunorts · 30/09/2016 14:41

you have every right to question their care

YES! you do

But it isn't this childs fault. You understand he's being failed just as much as your daughter was.