To question whether this child should be in mainstream school?

[Goldenhandshake]

There is a child in my DC's year 3 class, I do not know the extent of his learning difficulties or conditions, I have spoken to his mum on a few occasions and she has stated he has ADHD, however there may be more she hasn't divulged, always assumed it was none of my business tbh. She was very open in saying he had set his siblings coat on fire previously (whilst the sibling was wearing it!).

However I am becoming increasingly worried, he has had several very violent outburst in class and the playground, he has been pulled off another child after wrapping his hands round his throat and choking the lad, has thrown a chair at the teacher and broken a window. It sounds very much like he has difficulty controlling his anger and I am now concerned for my DC's safety.

I don't want to be one of those parents who pushes out children for being different or having complex needs, but I equally do not want the worry that he will attack or harm my child.

So WIBU to request a meeting or call with the school to find out what they are doing to either limit the risk or manage this child's needs appropriately and keep the rest of the class safe?

Ginger I think it's the same for my dd, who is 9 and has a dx of ASD, SPD, learning difficulties, speech and language delay who does go to the Lea funded ASD school. Even though dd is not progressing as much as I would like in her ASD school, they seem to be going over the same stuff, even in teens a lot are still on ks1, whereas dd is doing ks1 there and is the highest academically in her class. I am doing letts ks2 science and English with her at home, which she loves though her maths realistically is ks1 and a bit below. She really struggles.

Her SS does inclusion with local mainstreams, we are looking at her doing a couple of classes in one that her school has links with, gradually hoping she can duel access with the support of her SS which they do. They are right opposite a mainstream senior school, I am hoping she can duel access there later, which is a good thing. But for my friends son who is highly academic it's not enough.

I totally understand that. I know parents have to fight for a move to an appropriate school. And that although mainstream education is great for some children with SEN, it is not suitable for all children.

Aeroflot - we're home educating now. I wish we had done it much sooner. I am amazed at the change in both dcs and the progress they have made. That alone has proven to me that home ed is their best option right now.

brasty - part of the problem is not just the fight, but all the time wasted for the child and the effect that has on them while you're waiting for the right services. If it takes a year to get everything sorted, while they're in an unsuitable environment, that's a year wasted where your child is upset, stressed, not learning, not progressing, and slowly shutting down and losing the desire to learn.

a professional who see's a child briefly is just as capable of not diagnosing as MISdiagnosing.

When DS was diagnosed with Dyspraxia at 7yo, we had to have the OT's opinion reviewed by the Paediatrician. At that time i mentioned i felt DS also had Autism and ADHD.

He saw him for 30 minutes and dismissed my concerns about ASD/ADHD saying he saw no signs of either.

15mo later the Dr from CAMH's who saw my son voiced his disgust that DS had not been seen/diagnosed much earlier as it was glaringly obvious (and had been for some time going over his history) that he had both.

I personally don't feel I could do that for dd, the school has been fantastic in progressing dd behaviourally, and teaches her coping techniques. They have on sight OT and Speech and language. She does mainstream tap/ballet, Brownies and church youth club which she woukd never have achieved had she not gone to her SS ASD school, but I want them to push her more academically, hopefully duel access for the near future. Though she is in yr 5, there is Noway dd could cope with Yr2 SATS, hell even a lot of NT can't they are bloody hard.

Ds1 was so stressed after the full day in school that we couldn't do any other activities, and the school would not allow him to participate in their afterschool activities as they stated they could not meet his needs (SS for heaven's sake!!). Weekends had to be down time as so he could then cope with the oncoming week.

Now with HE, we can go places and do things, he can participate in groups and clubs. It's great.

I agree, it's not going to be ideal for everyone. I think my frustration is that while people seem to be able to see that home ed is not the best option for them, they struggle to see that school is not the best option for everyone either. I lost friends over my decision to home ed, as they were annoyed I couldn't drop everything and go shopping or have coffee or whatever during the school day when their dcs were in school. I grew weary of their constant "when are you going to put them back in school? Surely you aren't going to continue to home ed, are you? That's what schools are for!"

Trying to make them understand that if my dcs could access suitable schools that actually met their needs, then perhaps things would be different. But right now, the damage done from unsuitable schools means that neither would cope with the attempt at another school right now, and as they are doing very well with HE, I see no point in changing that for now. God know the stress for all of us has dropped dramatically now that we're not constantly fighting for school support.

Oh no, I am so glad its working for you all, mabey my friend might consider it, but I think she really wants him to go to the independent school for ASpergers, as they have on sit behavioural specialists, speech therapists and OT so he can get the best help with his behaviour as well, that he can. Not only his academic needs, but his Autistic needs, too. She also wants him to have peers, as he is quite isolated due to his volatile behaviour so can't do any groups or clubs, or going out is limited.

I do worry about the situation for so many children. Unable to cope in mainstream, unable to get an EHCP, unable to get into specialised school that meets their needs, parents unable to home ed (due to many factors obviously - work, home situation, and such). What's left for them? They fall further behind as they cannot access the curriculum where they are at, until finally they are far enough behind that the school will even admit they need help, and then it takes a year or more to sort stuff through the school, and they're so far behind that their chances of ever recovering the momentum to progress is practically gone. Socially they suffer from bullying and isolation, even while attending school. And then the government cuts benefits for them as adults even though they've not had the appropriate support as a child to allow them to learn enough to get qualifications to help them get a decent job to support themselves, and they get looked down on by adults as scroungers because they're stuck on benefits.

I want better for my children, just like any other parent.

This id my reality.

2 son diagnosed with ASD & ADHD.
Now my older ds independent specialist AS school wants to terminate his placement...

Hes 11. I won't be able to cope much longer. I will have to put him in care if things dont calm down soon. No one cares. The systems cany cope with the volume of need.
Its totally pointless, exhausting & draining.

All parents want is for their kids SN and NT to receive a decent education. Since the cuts backs, things seem to have become worse, than when we were going through all this with dd in 2012. As children become older and cannot access the right education, it can lead to them becoming disolusioned with education and further isolated, as well as not fulfilling their full potential.

Peppa so sorry, that just sucks. I know once you get a place that works, the last thing needed is change. Hope things calm down for you.

for peppa