To question whether this child should be in mainstream school?

[Goldenhandshake]

There is a child in my DC's year 3 class, I do not know the extent of his learning difficulties or conditions, I have spoken to his mum on a few occasions and she has stated he has ADHD, however there may be more she hasn't divulged, always assumed it was none of my business tbh. She was very open in saying he had set his siblings coat on fire previously (whilst the sibling was wearing it!).

However I am becoming increasingly worried, he has had several very violent outburst in class and the playground, he has been pulled off another child after wrapping his hands round his throat and choking the lad, has thrown a chair at the teacher and broken a window. It sounds very much like he has difficulty controlling his anger and I am now concerned for my DC's safety.

I don't want to be one of those parents who pushes out children for being different or having complex needs, but I equally do not want the worry that he will attack or harm my child.

So WIBU to request a meeting or call with the school to find out what they are doing to either limit the risk or manage this child's needs appropriately and keep the rest of the class safe?

Yes, I'm a senco, I write EHCP applications, know all about the process.

We get funding (the precious £6000) for 5 children in our school from the LA. We currently have 9 children receiving high needs funding. We also have a high proportion of children EAL and the funding for that has recently been cut. We are ploughing money into SEN, but the government absolutely does not give us enough.

Apart from setting his siblings coat alight, you could be talking about my ds , he can be very violent , fights with other boys often and has hit teachers, special school has been mentioned but not recommended for him yet, I think they try everything to keep them in mainstream if at all possible, my boy has a statement and a constant 1:1 so they are trying to do everything possible to minimise risk to other children, hopefully this is the case at your school..

I know it's not as simple as that, having gone through the process several times. I actually think we're on the same side...

Between do you have any idea of how difficult it is to get specialist provision for your child? I did it for ds, the stress nearly killed me, it cost a five figure sum, independent specialist reports, an educational law solicitor and a barrister and leave for Judicial Review and eighteen months for ds in a provision that whilst being exceptionally good was no longer meeting his needs and ds was suffering both physically and emotionally.
Lots of parents if they had the choice don't want heir children in mainstream anyway. At the hands of teachers who don't have the time, resources, knowledge and sometimes even inclination to meet their children's needs but realistically parents don't get a choice even when they have a statement or EHCP as LA's only have to provide a suitable education not one that best meets a child's needs.

Yes - I completely understand that and have fought with parents and I am so sorry that you had to go through this too. This is due to lack of space in specialist provision. We need to be working together to be insisting the government increases funding for the support of children with SEN, whether that be in mainstream or specialist provision. It shouldn't be a battle for anyone.

Sending a child to the local special school isn't always the answer anyway because it may not be the right school for that child. Some children have more specific needs that can only be met in expensive independent specialist placements and the local authority rarely allow these without a fight.

There isn't even a specialist school in our County , ds had to travel out of County to an independent specialist school. Our LA covers a population of about 750,000there is one specialist school for autism but the added criteria has to be with an SLD co morbid and the school has 70 pupils aged 3 to 19. We have a couple of generic special schools but their criteria is that pupils generally attain average year six levels at 19.
Ds whist being very autistic is academically able he has good GCSEs and BTEC level 3s there really isn't the provision available in maintained schools for some children and LAs will spend thousand on legal fees to try and prevent parents from securing independent provision. Much of the eighteen months delaying from our LA was to deplete resources (letters and deadlines were ignored escalating costs) in the hope we'd give up I think.

I have reported again Jason, it's really bad form that your post was deleted but Lulu's posts still stand.

it's really bad form that your post was deleted but Lulu's posts still stand.

Them and us.

ONe of those posts was about an invisible disablity, the other wasn't.

MNHQ make it clear what their views are.

I despair, I really do. Over 6 years, we've been fighting the LA, the schools, the medical professionals to get appropriate support for our dcs. That same time, we've been fending off dreadful comments disguised as "discussion" and "educating" people on MN who spout their disablist nonsense without even bothering to educate themselves about disabiities.

Has there even been any progress made at all? I don't think so.

It wouldn't suprise me if MNHQ see those defending disabilities as a bit of a bother really, too active with the report button.
It's only minorities after all, small numbers.

You can post any kind of hate speech if you dress it up as facts...

The fact is MNHQ outright support hate speech, disablism and have supportted through inaction the idea that ADHD diagnoses are given to children who are not yet criminals but will be, becuase doctors don't have a clue what else to do with them.

Ds goes to an out of County specialist too, insan1ty. The local authority tried to move him to a generic special school but gave up just before tribunal.

I will say though MNHQ, the new deletion messages which give a reason are a very good step in the right direction.

We never got to tribunal, we had to go for a Judicial Review because the LA wouldn't issue an amended statement this followed nine months where they refused to amend but wouldn't issue a letter stating this. They gave up once we got leave for JR and agreed independent specialist because the Barrister said it would expose their illegal practises and they didn't dare risk that.

It took 7 years to get our ds into a Special School, it has taken us another 5 to get evidence of an SpLD, mainly because someone in the LA doesn't believe ds has any learning difficulties.

What chance does a child have when schools and the LA ignore what is staring them in the face?

What chance does a child have when a school will withhold evidence, refuse to cooperate, refuse to comply with the law, what chance does that child have when they are then discriminated against and victimised because of their disability?

I spent 7 months in fear for my son's life because he wanted to die, as a family we have stepped back from the brink of destruction.

Over the years we have had to jump through hoops that parents of NT kids don't have to just to get what is (in this country) the basic right to an adequate education.

That enterthefragon is what my friend is up against right now. Her ds is 9 has a dx of ASD, behavioural difficulties, he has an EHCP and has been excluded from 2 mainstream schools, and is in the PRU. He is extremely academic, but because of his needs he cannot cope within the mainstream environment. The special schools cannot meet his needs as he is functioning academically above his year level. He passed his year 2 SATS with high grades, before he was dx, and before his behaviour started to decline because of the transition from infant to middle school, and all the changes within the middle school as it was going through special measures.

He now needs an Independent ASD school for children with Aspergers, who are academically able, but need that behavioural support. They are in for a long fight with the LEA for the education that their son needs.

He is extremely academic, but because of his needs he cannot cope within the mainstream environment. The special schools cannot meet his needs as he is functioning academically above his year level.

This is my 10yo. Also ASD/ADHD, behavioural difficulties. Withdrew him from special school that said they were only prepared for GCSEs in Art and nothing else. He is now home educating and progressing very well.

It appears to me that there are those parents prepared to fight every step to gain access to the right environment for their child -

Why should it be that hard? Seriously?

What happens to the children who's parents don't have it in them?

And what happens then to the other 29 children's education

It appears that we all wasn't the same thing - a decent education for all the children - what's wrong with that?

Oh, sorry. So there's no confusion - Aeroflotgirl's friend is not me, and my son is not her friend's son. Just saying my older son was in the same situation.

Aeroflotgirl, ds has a dx of AS, I turned down the offer of a ADHD assessment and diagnosis because I knew that while DS' behaviour looked like it could be ADHD it was in fact anxiety that was causing the majority of the difficulties displayed in school but I was convinced that a LD was the cause of the anxiety, in a specialist school the anxiety has reduced but to me a LD has become more apparent, the shocker was that it is not the LD that I was thinking it is, again ds has not been assessed for what I thought was the LD but again his difficulties in that area have been blamed on a medical condition, so no one else will assess.

We are back to square one, like a game of snakes and ladders, we make a few good moves and then land on a snake.

If some of the attitudes on here are anything to go by I'm glad I turned down the ADHD assessment.

sally parents have no choice but to fight, nothing is handed to them on a plate. Sadly some parents aren't able to fight, hopefully schools fight for t heir children or they point parents in the direction of support systems like IPSEA and SOSSEN who will help all the way but sadly some children don't get the help they need.
I know that when ds got his placement in an ASD unit because I was prepared to fight it denied another child that place. I knew that child, his dm believed he would have the space ds took, he was in the main out of education from 11 and has since been in YO institutes as an older teen (and on Jeremy Kyle). I imagine his story is far from unique.

It is hard ginger, as there are no facililities for kids with these needs that the LEA provide, so they are hard to place, and need independent schools for chikdren with Aspergers which you have to fight the LEA tooth and nail. My friend is not on Mumsnet btw 😃