To question whether this child should be in mainstream school?

[Goldenhandshake]

There is a child in my DC's year 3 class, I do not know the extent of his learning difficulties or conditions, I have spoken to his mum on a few occasions and she has stated he has ADHD, however there may be more she hasn't divulged, always assumed it was none of my business tbh. She was very open in saying he had set his siblings coat on fire previously (whilst the sibling was wearing it!).

However I am becoming increasingly worried, he has had several very violent outburst in class and the playground, he has been pulled off another child after wrapping his hands round his throat and choking the lad, has thrown a chair at the teacher and broken a window. It sounds very much like he has difficulty controlling his anger and I am now concerned for my DC's safety.

I don't want to be one of those parents who pushes out children for being different or having complex needs, but I equally do not want the worry that he will attack or harm my child.

So WIBU to request a meeting or call with the school to find out what they are doing to either limit the risk or manage this child's needs appropriately and keep the rest of the class safe?

www.autism.org.uk/adhd

I can only assume running has no experience of the fight to get any sort of diagnosis for a child!

I thought we were past the point of believing that diagnosis were handed out like sweets just because someone asks for one!

Apparently not. Who needs a paediatrician- it appears we just need to find a foster carer for a diagnosis now.

I would just like to add that the concerns of parents about children with ADHD being in mainstream school are linked to this governments inability to invest properly in good support staff. Most county councils have cut TAs hours and pay to the point where you just can't make a living doing the job at all. I am on a relief contract but because my 1 to 1 moved to secondary I have no further work. I know there are other children in the school I am at that need similar support. So children are struggling, teachers are stressed, and parents are left bewildered and unsupported creating a toxic atmosphere for them and judgement as to why they send their child to school. My friend teaches English in a special secondary school and children are sent there after having the most difficult start to their education. It doesn't need to be this way. These threads, this toxic atmosphere is a direct result of taking resources away from all our children. We should all e united behind parents like plan and all be fucking angry.

I must say how amazed I am when posters jump on the 'schools is failing him' bandwagon. None of you have any idea if the school is failing him or not.

I worked at a school where there was a lovely but very violent young boy. The school had created a special room for him is he needed a quiet and safe place to go. There were countless plans in place to try and recognise stressful situations for him. He was able to opt out descreetly if things were getting too much for him. They worked in partnership with the parents and lots of other support such as OT, SLT etc to try and help them as a family unit. We had countless meetings with a wide range of health and other professionals as a school team

Did it stop the violent outbursts? No. Did he still punch/pinch/slap/kick other students when walking past them? Yes. I walked into the classroom once and he stopped what he was doing, picked up a chair and threw at me.

The school wasn't failing that child. The parents weren't failing him either. They were all trying. It just wasn't working.

This thread is a reminder why me and thousands of other UK trained and experienced teachers have moved overseas to work. The assumption that schools/teachers aren't trying their best. That instant judgement that the school is in the wrong without having all the information at hand.

OP, you should be worried for your child. I would be in your situation. Do speak to the school and ask about safeguarding plans they have in place.

None of you have any idea if the school is failing him or not.

For him to get to this point the school is failing him. There is no "if" or maybe" for him to get to a point where he is throwing a chair across the room the school ARE failing him.

Yes there are violent children

School are understaffed

Yes we should be angry

Every child in the class is being let down

The go to school to be educated - not witness violence.

The more pressure parents put in school the more likely they will gain support or funding -

Is say Yes to speaking to school because it won't harm

The assumption that schools/teachers aren't trying their best.

I've yet to see anyone say this.

Okay I'll put it another way then, it is incredibly difficult to meet the needs of the child when you haven't got any money and/or any recommendations from outside agencies. Whilst your waiting to those things to come through (and it can be a long wait) we just have to do the best we can.

Momofthree, parents going to the school to complain about violent outbursts from ADHD diagnosed children will mean they are likely to get more funding? That argument is an utter canard. What on earth makes you think that parents of these children aren't doing this already?

Surely letters from parents are evidence? Schools tend to jump when questioned

Where does it say this child has ADHD - he may well have a chaotic home life - he may be being bullied

"Children with SEND are pathologised from the day someone says 'this child has a disability/SN'."

Amen to that!

DS2 has a statement/EHCP since he was 3. He attended a SS but then it was decided that as he was sociable, he should go to MS. He isn't violent in any way whatsoever. When he started MS, there were children getting hurt by a child hitting other children. Parents automatically assumed it was my child, and pulled their children away from him, loudly so as well. Bloody hurt my feelings, I'd cry walking out the school yard morning and afternoon. In the end the teacher intervened and told the parents it wasn't DS who was hitting, didn't name the actual child though. Still waiting for my apology.

There's some heartbreaking stories on here.

Momofthree, the op has said that the mum has told her that her child has a diagnosis of ADHD.

To get funding or an EHCP from our local authority you have to show that what is already in place in school is failing and that the child is making no progress. You have to show that you have tried various interventions and approaches and the child is still not making progress. Yes absolutely we support children by making these applications, and we are a school that actively encourages an EHCP where necessary (have had 4 approved, 2 had to be appealed to get that approval). However getting funding/an EHCP is a hugely time consuming process. Getting advice on how to best help the child takes time and while that occurs I don't think it's fair to say the school is failing the child if there is a violent incident as I'm not sure what else we can do. It may identify a new trigger which we then account for but we can't know everything straight away.

I was attacked by a child with ASD as a dog managed to get onto the playground and they were terrified of it. There is nothing I could have done to avoid this - we had an EHCP in place, a calm space, 1:1 TA, but you can't control everything in a school environment, it's just impossible. A big issue is often the acts of other children which again are difficult to control.

We have one child who finds it incredibly difficult whenever any other child gets praise in any way and has attacked them in revenge. We have 1:1 in place (even though funding application was turned down - we're resubmitting), a safe space to retreat to, use social stories etc etc etc but he will wait and lash out whenever he gets the opportunity. We don't know what to do and are waiting for EP involvement.