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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this teachers response was a bit shit? Or perhaps I am being horrendously precious?

251 replies

Gallopingthundercunt · 30/09/2016 09:53

Hugely identifying if the teacher is reading but what the hell.....

DS(12) wanted to start a club at school yesterday but (for reasons best known to himself) turned up at the wrong time. He immediately went to find the teacher running the club and apologised to her, asking her whether he would still be allowed to take part. She told him that part of the requirements for the club were that he was punctual and reliable, since he had been neither then he couldn't Confused

When DS got home he was in tears over the incident. In fairness, my DSDad (his grandad) died unexpectedly last week so I feel his response may be slightly coloured by emotion. We discussed what had happened and he accepted that he was in the wrong to turn up late and that the teacher has every right to refuse him entry to the club.

I then emailed the teacher to explain the situation (as I have above) and ask whether she would reconsider, given the circumstances and how upset DS was. For the record I have never sent an email like this in all of DS's school career, but I felt very strongly that I needed to raise the issue. This morning I received a rather curt email telling me that despite DS being under "some emotional strain" that she would not reconsider. She also reiterated the qualities that were required for the club and how DS was lacking in them.

My first response was disbelief and now (if I'm honest) real anger. I need to acknowledge her reply but I'm seriously unsure whether to take it further or whether I will appear a raving harpie who thinks the rules shouldn't apply to my precious snowflake. I'm normally quite laid back and would simply tell DS to learn from his mistakes, but this incident and the subsequent email have really got my hackles up. So AIBU or is the teacher?

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 03/10/2016 06:21
Grin

This thread is becoming increasingly funny as posters argue that teachers are not pedantic, hostile, superior and defensive when crossed by being pedantic, hostile and superior.

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/10/2016 06:43

At least the thread has given you a laugh.

As for the rest, we often see what we want to see in the written word.

DoItTooJulia · 03/10/2016 07:08

Grin Pagwatch

a8mint · 03/10/2016 07:14

At 12 children are expected to get to school on time, and get to the right classroom on time
I think getting his butt to the club in time is a reasonable expectation

acasualobserver · 03/10/2016 07:39

I am fairly sure that most of those calling the teacher a cunt are just happy to have a pop at a teacher and don't really care about the OP's son.

Exactly. And that, in a nutshell, describes most teacher threads on Mumsnet. Under the pretence of offering advice or analysis, many posters simply take the opportunity to revile the teacher in the most disgusting way they can. It often feels like the equivalent of posting about a jew on a forum of rabid anti-semites.

herethereandeverywhere · 03/10/2016 09:40

Boney if all you have is the floodgates argument, that's a pretty weak position. There are no facts to support other children wanting to join after arriving late or breaking some other rule. It's patently unfair to say "I won't reconsider and reverse my decision about you just in case something else might happen in the future that I don't want to deal with."

Like I said, I'm suggesting that each case is taken on its merits and the Headteacher is able to oversee, support and intervene in clubs which are run by her/his school by her/his staff.

I'm sure we've all enjoyed the irony of a young parliament group being run by someone so keen to be sole judge, jury and executioner.

incywincybitofa · 03/10/2016 17:10

Did your son have any joy OP?

Memoires · 03/10/2016 17:23

Personally, I think there's an enormous difference between "you're a bad boy" and "you're behaving badly"/"that is bad behaviour". I have quite happily told a friend that he's behaved like a twat, or that his behaviour was twattish, whereas I wouldn't waste my time being friends with someone I thought was a twat.

LadyConstanceDeCoverlet · 03/10/2016 17:24

It's a bit paranoia central amongst teachers on these threads. Yes, because this is a parenting forum, teachers get disproportionate attention. But in my experience, for every time someone posts on here complaining about something a teacher has allegedly done or said, you will always get some posts outright supporting the teacher, and a very large number telling the OP to check her facts before complaining. So the suggestion that teachers are constantly reviled on here is a massive exaggeration.

Whilst it's less of a problem on MN than in other social media, before you start assuming that teachers are the only people being attacked, have a good look at what happens to estate agents and lawyers.

OurBlanche · 03/10/2016 17:33

So the suggestion that teachers are constantly reviled on here is a massive exaggeration. Yes... truly mild!

Whilst it's less of a problem on MN than in other social media, before you start assuming that teachers are the only people being attacked, have a good look at what happens to estate agents and lawyers. Anything else, ma'am?

After 9 pages you have decided to re-hash something that was sort of agreed a few ages ago?

  1. Most teachers on this thread have agreed that, fro what the OP has reported, the teacher seems to have been unecessairyly curt... and noine of us agreed that this was a good thing!
  2. Most of those same teachers agreed that OP needs to discuss this with the teacher, the HoY and/or the pastoral team. That way she and her DS will get whatever support he made need to help him with his loss and maybe (but not probably or deservedly) into the lunch time club!
  3. Most of those same teachers said, clearly, that the level of vitriol was unwarranted, from the info the OP gave, OP has agreed - I ran it all into a couple of paragraphs if you want to refresh your cunting, fucking stupid, vicious memory.
  4. That last was because, apparently, it doesn't matter what you say about or at somebody, cos if they are a dick then they are a dick - so FUCK OFF all of you!

Just because we teachers may be paranoid does not mean many MNers are not attacking us at every opportunity.

OurBlanche · 03/10/2016 17:34

Oh, I do wish my fingers liked my new keyboard... 1 month later and still the keys are all in the wrong places Blush

acasualobserver · 03/10/2016 17:34

the suggestion that teachers are constantly reviled on here is a massive exaggeration

You must have some sort of profound selective reading disorder. My sympathies.

OurBlanche · 03/10/2016 17:35

Oooh! Wish I'd said it like that Smile

Original poster
Gallopingthundercunt · 03/10/2016 17:45

No joy yet incy, he couldn't find the teacher today and was determined to put the letter in her hand, rather than leave it in her pigeonhole.
I have to say I rather admire his determination Grin

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 03/10/2016 17:50

herethereandeverywhere
"I'm sure we've all enjoyed the irony of a young parliament group being run by someone so keen to be sole judge, jury and executioner."

Its a bit like some of the posters on this thread then.

I take it that you don't pay car, house or contents insurance given the weak nature of paying for something that may never happen.

LadyConstanceDeCoverlet · 03/10/2016 17:56

After 9 pages you have decided to re-hash something that was sort of agreed a few ages ago?

I was answering acasualobserver. If you want to beat someone up for reviving an issue, why not try her first? Or could it be that you are very deliberately ignoring that? That really is a selective reading disorder.

teaandakitkat · 03/10/2016 17:58

Good on him for wanting to put the letter right in her hand. He's got guts.
He sounds like just the sort of kid you'd want on a youth parliament.
Hopefully the teacher will reconsider.

I bet you're proud of him

herethereandeverywhere · 03/10/2016 20:52

Boney if we are to use your analogy there there would be no insurance industry as no-one would offer insurance in case something happened which meant they had to pay out.

I'm really pleased that the OP's son has written a letter for personal delivery. He's showing greater strength and depth of character than the teacher concerned. Frankly it's definitely looking like it's her loss; he's be an awesome asset to a youth parliament.

RubyRoseViolet · 03/10/2016 21:04

I'm a teacher. I'd never behave like that. What a self important twit! I feel for your son and I hope it works out. Good for him for writing to the teacher and I hope she feels suitably chastened.

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/10/2016 21:38

herethereandeverywhere

You are ignoring the point, going by your point we wouldn't pay for insurance.

herethereandeverywhere · 04/10/2016 13:48

Boney I think the analogy doesn't work; that is the point I was trying to make.

RubyRose what a breath of fresh air!

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 04/10/2016 14:08

I think you are right to let your DS deal with this. I think he is much better placed to persuade her than you are, especially if he wants to be a politician. I hope she changes her mind as it does seem harsh to say no club at all rather than just giving a warning about future punctuality.

JacquesHammer · 04/10/2016 14:35

I don't think the teacher did anything wrong in her initial refusal to allow DS to join the group as he was late. However, I think she could have diffused the whole situation had she explained properly to both him (when he had the guts to go and apologise) and you OP when you emailed. It seems her personal skills are at fault here.

Slightly different but I volunteer in a school as an outside agent delivering sports coaching. I have very strict rules that if a child comes without their equipment - for safety reasons - they are not permitted to take part. I would absolutely expect the Head to back me against any complaints about children being made to sit out. My rules are clear from the outset and are a dealbreaker.

user1474305244 · 04/10/2016 14:43

I'm a teacher. Sounds like the club is full. It is worth bearing in mind that teachers are not paid to run clubs it is voluntary.

JacquesHammer · 04/10/2016 14:46

The thing is, if the club was full, wouldn't it have been more sensible for the teacher to say "sorry you missed it, but registration took place today and we're actually full now" rather than, well, not!

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