To think this teachers response was a bit shit? Or perhaps I am being horrendously precious?

[Gallopingthundercunt]

Hugely identifying if the teacher is reading but what the hell.....

DS(12) wanted to start a club at school yesterday but (for reasons best known to himself) turned up at the wrong time. He immediately went to find the teacher running the club and apologised to her, asking her whether he would still be allowed to take part. She told him that part of the requirements for the club were that he was punctual and reliable, since he had been neither then he couldn't

When DS got home he was in tears over the incident. In fairness, my DSDad (his grandad) died unexpectedly last week so I feel his response may be slightly coloured by emotion. We discussed what had happened and he accepted that he was in the wrong to turn up late and that the teacher has every right to refuse him entry to the club.

I then emailed the teacher to explain the situation (as I have above) and ask whether she would reconsider, given the circumstances and how upset DS was. For the record I have never sent an email like this in all of DS's school career, but I felt very strongly that I needed to raise the issue. This morning I received a rather curt email telling me that despite DS being under "some emotional strain" that she would not reconsider. She also reiterated the qualities that were required for the club and how DS was lacking in them.

My first response was disbelief and now (if I'm honest) real anger. I need to acknowledge her reply but I'm seriously unsure whether to take it further or whether I will appear a raving harpie who thinks the rules shouldn't apply to my precious snowflake. I'm normally quite laid back and would simply tell DS to learn from his mistakes, but this incident and the subsequent email have really got my hackles up. So AIBU or is the teacher?

Have to say, to all those people suggesting going over the teacher's head to the Head or the pastoral team or whatever, I don't get paid enough for that shit. If the Head tried to put pressure on me to reverse a decision I had made, I would simply cancel the club and spend my 40 minute lunch eating a sandwich, having a cup of tea and chatting to my colleagues, as I am entitled to do by law.

This. I ran several after school/lunchtime clubs over the years on the understanding that it was strictly voluntary and not an obligation. Any whining parents would have been told what to do by the head.

Tssk. I didn't say the teacher was a dickhead. I said she was being a dickhead.
I criticised the behaviour not the person.

dumping a child who is late is fair enough but the first session if anything is always a bit hit and miss. It's human nature.

My DD attends 10 hours of swim training every week. She is always there first, even for the six am one. She gets herself up most of the time. We missed the team welcome this season because I'd got the email and put it in the calendar one week later. Shit happens.

If it's persistent then they should be cut but I still think not letting a 12 year old join is an over reaction and the opposite of a good life lesson.

My DS missed the first session of drama and I wrote a note asking if he could join the next one. She said no, all the parts were gone and that was that. Could it be a club like that?

Just popped back to see whether this thread had turned into the usual teachers polishing their own halos and bemoaning their workload.

Yup, as per usual.

Just because this teacher is perhaps a hardworking member of a 'hardworking' profession, giving up her lunchtime (like the vast majority of people in work in all walks of life do, sandwich at desk anyone, training over lunch?) does not make her response to this situation correct, or acceptable. Empathy, a trait most teachers will like to think that they possess was sadly lacking in all of her interactions over this incident. Whatever adjective people then go on to use to criticise this lack of empathy does not detract from the facts of the matter.

Given the self-important air of the teacher I would indeed be going over her head to the Head, if her response to my 12 year old and to my email were not acceptable I'd be wasting my time approaching her again.

Teachers need to think about a career change if they get so pissed off with people DARING to question decisions - we are not going back to the age where "professionals" can just say "this is the way it is" and a good thing too.

Why are teachers moaning about after school/lunch clubs - don't volunteer to run one then or are you only doing it to try and impress your boss to creep up the salary scale.

Here there: What would you be expecting as the outcome, given that the teacher isn't obliged to run the club and has every right to set rules about who is allowed to join?

Why are teachers moaning about after school/lunch clubs - don't volunteer to run one then or are you only doing it to try and impress your boss to creep up the salary scale.

Not moaning about running them, I loved doing it. Moaning about interfering parents who think their DC is more important than the others.

Blanche: I don't insist that my professional decisions are never questioned (curriculum matters, pastoral matters - both are open to question and, with reason, I am used to justifying them) but decisions about who I will allow into a lunch club that I am running VOLUNTARILY are mine to make, no-one else's. If parents don't like them, let them volunteer to run the club.

Tssk. I didn't say the teacher was a dickhead. I said she was being a dickhead. I criticised the behaviour not the person.

Oh that old pathetic, pusillanimous distinction. (I'm not calling you a coward by the way, just criticising your cowardly behaviour.)

does not make her response to this situation correct, or acceptable and if you had actually read the responses form teachers you would see that the majority, possibly all of them, have agreed!

But don't let that stop your harangue.

And T'Other Blanche Yes! Why don't we all just do that? After all, we become teachers soely to act on our hatred of kids, our short tempered, nastiness and unwillingness to ever be nice!

Will all you parents promise, cross your heart, not to complain that your kids have fuck all extra curricular activities? Go on, have a good hard think about that one!

Oh! And, as per my above comment, I don't think any teacher here has said anything approaching your insinuation - other pps have also insiuated much the same thing, so maybe that's where you got confused!

Ach, here have an 'l' and an 'n', feel free to add them where appropriate

No worries ACasual. I'm enjoying your ability to chat about this rationally.

Teachers are fucking awesome. They don't get paid enough and, with a few exceptions deserve our gratitude.
In this instance this particular teacher seems to have been a bit of a dickhead. As we all are at time.

(Well most of us. A couple of posters on here are endlessly faultless)

No worries ACasual. I'm enjoying your ability to chat about this rationally.

Another pathetic cop-out. You're good at those.

herethereandeverywhere

A typical goady opening from you, well done.

BlancheBlue

Why are teachers moaning about after school/lunch clubs - don't volunteer to run one then or are you only doing it to try and impress your boss to creep up the salary scale.

I love doing it, nothing to do with going up the salary scale.

Teachers need to think about a career change if they get so pissed off with people DARING to question decisions

Nobody has said don't challenge, I object to the name calling and insinuations.

Trifle I would be expecting the teacher to act in a professional manner and not shut down the club for all times because one parent questioned one decision and was not satisfied with the outcome.

I would be expecting the Head, as her senior and top 'line manager' to find out why such a harsh and immoveable decision had been made and why there was an abject lack of empathy in the response to the information about a bereavement. I would also be expecting the Head to be considering the 'wider picture' about what the school is offering the pupil in terms of lessons in life and equipping them for the future and examining whether on balance, a ban from the club for all times for one incidence of lateness was more life-enhancing than a warning plus acceptance of a well-crafted apology and letter and to why the pupil should be re-considered for the club.

I imagine that would take about 5 minutes thinking time, plus a 5 minute conversation with the teacher (hardly masses of facts to comb over) plus a short call with the parent or meeting if the parent preferred.

Boney but which part of my opening was factually incorrect?

you have sent your email now.
i would sit back and let him fight this battle himself.
he has written a letter.
fingers crossed that will work.
otherwise. he doesnt have to join the club this time.

herethereandeverywhere

No one is polishing halos, it is inaccurate as the teachers are just making points and it is deliberately provocative as you are trying to illicit a negative response.

which part of my opening was factually incorrect? Allow me

Just popped back to see whether this thread had turned into the usual teachers polishing their own halos and bemoaning their workload. Not fact, your opinion!

Just because this teacher is perhaps a hardworking member of a 'hardworking' profession Those quotes and the word 'perhaps', makes it all so very goady, not factual...

giving up her lunchtime (like the vast majority of people in work in all walks of life do, sandwich at desk anyone, training over lunch?) Possibly a little more in line with reality, though maybe not the 'vast majority'

does not make her response to this situation correct, or acceptable. Yup! And most teachers responding have said exactly that!

Empathy, a trait most teachers will like to think that they possess was sadly lacking in all of her interactions over this incident. Possibly, though we have no idea what wa actually said, OP does, but hasn't come back for a while!

Whatever adjective people then go on to use to criticise this lack of empathy does not detract from the facts of the matter. What facts? We have very few of those. That's the point. And, in line with that line of thinking - you are a dimwitted fucker....

Given the self-important air of the teacher Where you there? Not a fact, conjecture!

I would indeed be going over her head to the Head, if her response to my 12 year old and to my email were not acceptable I'd be wasting my time approaching her again. Yes, time wasting.... but again, not a fact, your conjecture!

Always happy to help

It's a prep school, so running this club is probably not, in any meaningful sense, voluntary. In my school the head would want to know about this; if you want a lower key way to proceed, you could approach the form teacher instead, perhaps in a "maybe I don't have the full story, somehow?" way.

Ok Trifle what's the pastoral team there for then? A boy with a good record of behaviour turns up late for a club by mistake. He is bereaved, so his emotional response to a harsh decision by a teacher has been greater than expected. Why wouldn't the parent see what the pastoral team thinks? They may well agree with the teacher-who knows until you ask?

Here and there: It would be tough, though. The Head and line manager would be overstepping their remits. Rules about punctuality at a club the teacher is under no obligation to run are for the teacher to make, so whilst I wouldn't mind being asked why I had made the decision, I would be sticking to it if I felt I had a good reason.