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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this teachers response was a bit shit? Or perhaps I am being horrendously precious?

251 replies

Gallopingthundercunt · 30/09/2016 09:53

Hugely identifying if the teacher is reading but what the hell.....

DS(12) wanted to start a club at school yesterday but (for reasons best known to himself) turned up at the wrong time. He immediately went to find the teacher running the club and apologised to her, asking her whether he would still be allowed to take part. She told him that part of the requirements for the club were that he was punctual and reliable, since he had been neither then he couldn't Confused

When DS got home he was in tears over the incident. In fairness, my DSDad (his grandad) died unexpectedly last week so I feel his response may be slightly coloured by emotion. We discussed what had happened and he accepted that he was in the wrong to turn up late and that the teacher has every right to refuse him entry to the club.

I then emailed the teacher to explain the situation (as I have above) and ask whether she would reconsider, given the circumstances and how upset DS was. For the record I have never sent an email like this in all of DS's school career, but I felt very strongly that I needed to raise the issue. This morning I received a rather curt email telling me that despite DS being under "some emotional strain" that she would not reconsider. She also reiterated the qualities that were required for the club and how DS was lacking in them.

My first response was disbelief and now (if I'm honest) real anger. I need to acknowledge her reply but I'm seriously unsure whether to take it further or whether I will appear a raving harpie who thinks the rules shouldn't apply to my precious snowflake. I'm normally quite laid back and would simply tell DS to learn from his mistakes, but this incident and the subsequent email have really got my hackles up. So AIBU or is the teacher?

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 30/09/2016 10:48

Blimey, YANBU. I don't think I could leave it at that either, he was late, he apologised, he can never join the club as a result?

What on earth was the club?

I do have to question whether I'd want to be in a club run by such a rigid person, but nevertheless, still not ok.

redskytonight · 30/09/2016 10:50

Is it for something like drama? I know children doing drama at DS's school have to sign something saying that they will turn up on time, and attend all meetings unless very good reason. Because having to work round one child that's not there is a PITA.

MissDuke · 30/09/2016 10:50

Op she sounds like a right dragon! I would say that he is better off finding a club that is run by a more reasonable teacher! Your ds sounds lovely and he did everything right here, he made a mistake and apologised. He is the bigger person here.

SirChenjin · 30/09/2016 10:50

YANBU - a complete over-reaction from this teacher. What on earth is this club that requires all its members to be absolutely on time every time, or face a lifetime ban??

BakewellTartAgain · 30/09/2016 10:51

I would pass on this club.

HateSummer · 30/09/2016 10:51

Teacher is being a butt head.

What kind of club is so important that it needs a child with the "right qualities"?

oldmum22 · 30/09/2016 10:54

If he is 12 ,I assume he is in his first year of secondary school ,year7. If this is the case, I assume the teacher is just trying to set an example to the other children about the importance of punctuality. However, I see her response as a massive over reaction and it doesn't bode well her attitude to a recent family bereavement. If your son still wants to do this activity , I think you need to involve the head of year and if necessary arrange an appointment to see her. Your son will have to make sure he is on time if he is allowed to attend. Good luck .

pestov · 30/09/2016 11:02

Teacher here. There are often good reasons to "cull" students from clubs, the biggest being limited numbers. Our kids have to apply for many and we usually have the initial meeting in which the applications are completed. Tough, but you can't take everyone, and if it's particularly popular then any excuse to make the choice easier is taken!

However, I would expect the teacher to explain more politely.

Witchend · 30/09/2016 11:07

The fact he went to apologise and say could he still join suggests to me that they had been told that if they turned up late they couldn't join.
It may be an overreaction on the teacher's part, or it may be that they were told this because in previous years (or even this year) they have always had one or two saying "but please miss" so they are inflexible on that.

MackerelOfFact · 30/09/2016 11:08

She sounds like a jobsworth, doesn't she? I'd forward the email chain to the head and copying the teacher, asking for their policy about exclusion and entry criteria for school clubs whether there is a time limit for such an exclusion. Something like:

"Dear Headteacher,

I have been informed by Ms X that my son has been permanently excluded from Z Club due to misunderstanding about the timing of the first session. I just wanted to clarify the school's policy on exclusion from school clubs and whether there is a time period after which he may be eligible to reapply.

As mentioned in my earlier email to Ms X, DS has recently suffered a family bereavement and had been very much looking forward to joining this club. It would be very helpful if you could confirm the school's official position on this matter so I can convey this to DS.

Kind regards,
Gallopingthundercunt"

Or something. Invariably they will have no such policy, so the teacher will probably have to backtrack - but if this is their policy, then at least you know.

YelloDraw · 30/09/2016 11:10

He's lacking in the qualities required to take part in the club? she is a twat.

WhisperingWind · 30/09/2016 11:10

I hate your DS's teacher.

ohgoodlordthatsmoist · 30/09/2016 11:11

She sounds like a jobsworth but if you take it further and she is over ruled she will probably go out of her way to make your sons life and time in the club miserable, might be better to find something else to join

TheLegendOfBeans · 30/09/2016 11:16

She's a bitch. Escalate this matter.

booox · 30/09/2016 11:19

Teacher here.

Not very nice of teacher. If I were her I'd praise the fact he took the time to seek her out and apologise for his mistake. Not reprimand like this.

Goingtobeawesome · 30/09/2016 11:19

He turned up at the wrong time, not late because he couldn't be arsed. Why did he have the wrong time? That might be your way back in but really, teacher is being a cow in not letting DS have a second chance.

Goingtobeawesome · 30/09/2016 11:20

I'm sorry about your bereavement.

WankingMonkey · 30/09/2016 11:21

Teacher is an arsehole.

Honestly, I wouldn't be wanting my child to go to a club ran by a person like this, as I doubt the cruel behaviour is a one off...

InTheseFlipFlops · 30/09/2016 11:22

Can he do the club somewhere outside of school?
What a cow, he apologised. We all get stuff wrong some times, we all make mistakes.
Imagine if she was late for work, no warning, no nothing. "Sorry I don't think you have the qualities for this job, your sacked". It wouldn't happen, your ds handled it really well. No wonder he was upset

Original poster
Gallopingthundercunt · 30/09/2016 11:28

I just breathed the hugest sigh of relief there Grin

For those asking, it's youth parliament he wants to join. As a side note, he originally asked another teacher if Teacher A was available and explained why. When the other teacher saw him later in the day he asked how it had gone and, when DS told him, advised him that a politician would never give up at the first hurdle (I think I might love this man a little!) At present DS is planning to write her a letter over the weekend outlining why he should be allowed to join- he knows nothing about our email conversation.

I do worry that if I push the point and DS is subsequently allowed to join then he may not have the easiest time. OTOH, I really do think it's a shit attitude for a teacher to have and that it should be challenged. And for the record, DS has been a member of several clubs over the past three years and has always attended regularly (even attending a sports club after school with this teacher) so it's not like he's uncommitted to things.

OP posts:
chinlo · 30/09/2016 11:28

She refusing to let him in EVER? Just for that one session I could forgive, but ever? That's ridiculous. Like a PP said, school clubs are supposed to ENCOURAGE kids to get involved in activities, not dissuade them. I would reply with something along these lines and your previous explanation, and CC the headteacher into the email.

Imagine turning up to football practice late one time and the coach saying you're off the team for the whole year. Absolutely ridiculous.

monkeywithacowface · 30/09/2016 11:29

That's really shit. I would send back an equally curt response along the lines of "thank you for your reply regarding XXX, whilst I endeavour to teach my child the values you are looking for and believe in supporting the school ethos unfortunately on this occasion I feel disapointed with your response."

I would probably then email the head

TSSDNCOP · 30/09/2016 11:29

I'm dying to know what the club was that required precision timekeeping: air traffic control, Olympic timekeeper, Tester at Rolex

I tend not to bother school too much, but the fact he apologised, you've been polite and she's still being a robber would require a little trip to head of year.

On the other hand does he really want to go to a club run by her? It doesn't sound like it'll be all about the fun.

iseenodust · 30/09/2016 11:30

I really don't like that it seems the teacher is also teaching that going (& it seems promptly) to apologise and try to remedy a mistake is going to get you nowhere in life. Actually it's a vital life skill.

TSSDNCOP · 30/09/2016 11:32

Cross-posted. I actually want to see him refer to this in his maiden speech in the HOC in twenty years.

Despite the fact my teacher Mrs Pain tried to derail my political career...