To think this teachers response was a bit shit? Or perhaps I am being horrendously precious?

[Gallopingthundercunt]

Hugely identifying if the teacher is reading but what the hell.....

DS(12) wanted to start a club at school yesterday but (for reasons best known to himself) turned up at the wrong time. He immediately went to find the teacher running the club and apologised to her, asking her whether he would still be allowed to take part. She told him that part of the requirements for the club were that he was punctual and reliable, since he had been neither then he couldn't

When DS got home he was in tears over the incident. In fairness, my DSDad (his grandad) died unexpectedly last week so I feel his response may be slightly coloured by emotion. We discussed what had happened and he accepted that he was in the wrong to turn up late and that the teacher has every right to refuse him entry to the club.

I then emailed the teacher to explain the situation (as I have above) and ask whether she would reconsider, given the circumstances and how upset DS was. For the record I have never sent an email like this in all of DS's school career, but I felt very strongly that I needed to raise the issue. This morning I received a rather curt email telling me that despite DS being under "some emotional strain" that she would not reconsider. She also reiterated the qualities that were required for the club and how DS was lacking in them.

My first response was disbelief and now (if I'm honest) real anger. I need to acknowledge her reply but I'm seriously unsure whether to take it further or whether I will appear a raving harpie who thinks the rules shouldn't apply to my precious snowflake. I'm normally quite laid back and would simply tell DS to learn from his mistakes, but this incident and the subsequent email have really got my hackles up. So AIBU or is the teacher?

Dont go to the head, or to anyone else for that matter.

Let your DS ask himself. That would show he was worthy of the club.

The pastoral team are there to look out for the boy's emotional and academic development. That doesn't give them the right to override the decisions of other members of staff. They can ask, but she can say no.

herethereandeverywhere

I would be expecting the teacher to act in a professional manner and not shut down the club for all times because one parent questioned one decision and was not satisfied with the outcome.

Why would anyone run a club where their rules and decisions are overruled?

Boney because they are a member of staff in a school, not the judge, jury and rule maker for all and everything?

Boney your suggested response for the teacher smacks of 'it's my ball so I'm taking it home', or the oft-used 'toys out of the pram' scenario.

Offering to run a club does not make a teacher beyond criticism, beyond question or beyond being wrong.

The Head would be overstepping their remit Trifle, really? I'm glad my kids don't attend a school where the Head does not have overall control or charge.

I also wouldn't want my kids taught by a teacher with flawed decision making and so lacking in empathy as the one referred to in the OP.

Yes, Here: the Head does not have control over what I do with my lunch hour and can't insist I offer my time to a particular student. In any school.

herethereandeverywhere

I haven't said that they are "judge, jury and rule maker for all and everything", but why would you run a club if every-time someone complained you had to change the rules? Lets not forget that all the other children are now seeing you bend/break the rules.

your suggested response for the teacher smacks of 'it's my ball so I'm taking it home', or the oft-used 'toys out of the pram' scenario

You response smacks of "you will do as your told and like it".

Offering to run a club does not make a teacher beyond criticism, beyond question or beyond being wrong.

I didn't say that it did. but it also doesn't mean that I would have to put up with being told how to run the club or with people going above my head and undermining the rules that I put in place.

As has been said, if you want the club to be run to your rules then you are welcome to run it.

herethereandeverywhere

"I also wouldn't want my kids taught by a teacher with flawed decision making and so lacking in empathy as the one referred to in the OP."

Its only "flawed" if you don't look at the big picture.

Head overrules teacher.
Teacher lets child in.
Child (or a different child) turns up with a friend.
Teacher now has to let the child in.
other children see this and bring friends.
Others decide that as the "must be here on the first session" rule is broken decide to turn up when they feel like like.

Teacher doesn't have a leg to stand on (as the head has stopped her from following the rules). club fails.

Wow, I think this may be becoming a bit more heated than I had intended

For the record, I don't have an issue with him not being allowed to join as that is entirely the teachers decision. I simply wrote to ask whether she could reconsider and filling her in on pertinent details that she wouldn't have had at the time. I was more annoyed about her uncompassionate reply rather than the reply itself (the phrase "some emotional strain" was a bit galling if I'm honest) I just felt that a teacher might show a little compassion in the circumstances. I certainly wouldn't call her a cunt or a dickhead, though I accept that most posters were referring to her behaviour rather than her personally. In all other dealings with her she's been nothing but professional which is why I'm a bit bemused by this whole incident.

And I'm not sure if it's relevant but DS doesn't attend prep school, he's in yr8 at middle school (we are three tier)

I certainly wouldn't call her a cunt or a dickhead, though I accept that most posters were referring to her behaviour rather than her personally.

I really despise that distinction. If I said your behaviour in starting this thread was utterly cuntish would I really excuse myself from the charge of being abusive to you personally? Of course not.

But isn't it possible that you are being a bit unreasonable there ACasual when others do see a distinction.

I can absoloutely be a bit of a twat at times but I am not a twat.

You may be feeling far more affronted than posters comments actually warrant. because you are chosing to filter what they are saying, applying an intent they don't mean.

If I think someone is a dickhead I'm not worried about saying so. But sometimes nice people can be a bit of a dickhead. Can't we?

Pagwatch if I tell you you're acting like a cunt that's still abuse.

Sure, but everyone is a bit of a cunt at times so it's not vicious or vitriolic.

If I call you a cunt that's bad. If I say you've been a bit of a cunt it might be said from the perspective of thinking you are generally awesome.

I do understand your rather black and white interpretation but I'm just suggesting that you are quite possibly assuming a level of insult that is completely unintended. Unless that's somehow desirable.

Pagwatch

But she has been called a cunt, a bitch, a power hungry bitch, a dickhead by posters.

most have left out "she is acting like a" and gone straight for "she is a".

I said she was being a dickhead. That was what I meant - acting like a dickhead.
I'm debating with ACasuals repeated comments that it's impossible to mean anything other than 'you are a dickhead'.

Other posters may have meant she's a cunt. I wouldn't agree but why should my comments be seen as worse than they are simply because I am being perceived as being 'on the other side'?

She MAY have been acting like a dickhead. The OP still hasn't explained exactly what the teacher said.

Quite.

ACasuals repeated comments that it's impossible to mean anything other than 'you are a dickhead'.

Point out where I've said that. Even once never mind repeatedly. I've a feeling you have completely misunderstood my point.

I really haven't. Indeed I respect the fact that you see the two as meaning the same thing.
I suspect that the repeated sniping at everything I've posted is because Aibu is tribal and you are supposed to be on one side or the other.
I admire teachers but think this teacher was a bit dickish about this situation so everything I post is being attacked.
The people who think she was a cunt don't give a shit about the nuance.

The people who think she was a cunt don't give a shit about the nuance.

I suspect that you are correct, but I am fairly sure that most of those calling the teacher a cunt are just happy to have a pop at a teacher and don't really care about the OP's son.

I'm not sure that was a 'but' though.

Posting that you think the teacher was being a bit of a dick on this occasion doesn't make you zealously anti-teacher. That's kind of my point.

I have had three incredibly nice but occasionally infuriatingly absent minded 12 year olds. The teachers that helped them learn to be better are my favs.

Boney this would be one child, allowed to join the club as the teacher reconsidered their 'complete ban for one lateness' rule due to extenuating circumstances. That in no way equates to anarchy. It sets no precedent other than the precedent to reconsider the rules where there are extenuating circumstances. Which seems like a rather sensible rule to me.

And as for my response smacking of "you will do as your told and like it"; isn't that exactly the line that the teacher referred to in the OP is taking?

"but" can be used as just a connective any further nuance is up to you.

There is a huge difference between posting that "the teacher was being a bit of a dick on this occasion" and calling the teacher a dick. Both have been done on this thread.

herethereandeverywhere

It isn't just one child, or -for that matter- just one parent. Whether you appreciate it or not, this will open the door for others to complain that their children wanted to join but forgot, a precedent will be set and the teacher ends up sorting out the mess.

the difference between the teacher's rules and yours are that you are trying to force yours on the teacher, whereas the teacher gave the children the option of choosing to agree to the rules.