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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my MIL is BVU?

167 replies

WombOfOnesOwn · 30/09/2016 00:27

Once a week, my husband and I go to his parents' house for the evening and overnight. We have a 7 month old son, and these visits have been vital to our mental health as we get at least one night with no baby wakeup each week...His father cares for the baby from 8 to 4, at which point his mother, who is a doctor and wakes very early, takes over. My son is a very good sleeper, generally 7-7, with 1 wakeup most nights, 2 occasionally, more on a bad night like post vax fever.

I have just found out my MIL last night went in at his wakeup time and, when he wouldn't settle quickly, decided to take him out of his bed, turn on the light, and play with him on the floor!

My husband and I have done our absolute best to ensure that our son's nighttime wakeups are responded to with low stimulation and no light (it is much harder for him to sleep with light). When he has these wakeups at home, we touch him gently or sing to him...at most, he gets singing, in arms, in the dark.

Apparently this is not the first time this has happened.

I am livid. Our baby has been a great sleeper and in recent weeks has seemed less so, or will greet us with his laugh that says "I want to play" instead of his usual sleepytime smile.

My husband doesn't understand why the thought of our little boy being put on the floor with the light turned on at 4 AM is making me so upset. Am I just being a crazy PFB mom? Or is my MIL absolutely daffy for even considering doing that?

OP posts:
blueturtle6 · 30/09/2016 07:58

Where is the OP

Still asleep most likely Wink

Bestthingever · 30/09/2016 07:58

If your baby is such a great sleeper why is the weekly visit so vital for your mental health? You have lovely helpful ILs. You are very lucky to have people to help you out like that. You say you are livid?! You sound spoiled tbh.

Charlie97 · 30/09/2016 08:00

*Where is the OP

Still asleep most likely* 

GrinGrinGrinGrin

I actually think this is not s genuine post, or the very least a reverse!

SwearyInn · 30/09/2016 08:03

YABU and a total brat

^ this

Soubriquet · 30/09/2016 08:05
CoolCarrie · 30/09/2016 08:07

OP, Clearly you are a troll or baiting !

Groovee · 30/09/2016 08:10

My first slept 12 hours a night! My second broke me with not sleeping for 3 and a half years. You are very lucky to have the amount of help you have.

If it was every night she was doing this then you would have something to complain about.

Cheby · 30/09/2016 08:12

I know every situation is different and we all cope differently blah blah blah, but seriously? You have to wake once a night with your 7 month old?! And actually probably only every other night because there are two of you?! And you still need your PIL to do you this massive favour every single week for your MH?

Your PIL are doing you an enormous favour, and your MIL is spending quality time with your baby. Get over it or start looking after him at night yourself. Why couldn't you get up with him, then go back to bed for a lie in while PIL get him up in the morning?

When I went back to work full time, still recovering from PND, my 12 month old reversed cycled (started breastfeeding through the night to make up for missed day feeds). So was back in a demanding job with a long commute (with baby on commute too) and waking 4/5 times a night to feed. No family help because we loved a long way away. We coped. And I was still luckier than many as I had my husband to help (not with the feeds but with housework and giving me weekend lie ins).

I'm trying to say you are in a really privileged position OP and you should probably recognise that before you start getting 'livid' with your extremely helpful PIL.

Fluffsnuts · 30/09/2016 08:15

Wish I had this. 7 -7 with 1 -2 wake ups and PIL who do wake ups one night a week. Sounds like heaven.

ElspethFlashman · 30/09/2016 08:21

I'm so jealous I could weep.....Sad

happypoobum · 30/09/2016 08:21

Is this a reverse? If not - YABVVU and bloody entitled. Your poor MIL!!!

diddl · 30/09/2016 08:21

If your MIL "takes over" at 4am & she is up & about, why shouldn't she get him up if she couldn't get him to settle?

Both parents still snoozing away, like fuck would I be trying too hard to get my GS back to sleep-I'd be having some time with him as well.

Are you both ill?

Ausernotanumber · 30/09/2016 08:23

Why were you up at half past midnight posting on mumsnet if sleep is so important to you?

trafalgargal · 30/09/2016 08:24

This reminds me of me innocently mentioning at a post natal group that no my seven week old wasn't sleeping through .....he'd have a feed at midnight and wake for the next at 6-am. The envy from the other utterly sleep deprived Mum's rolled over me in waves lol

PFB and nothing to compare it with yes the OP really has no clue how good she has it.

Your MIL is doing you a massive favour and yes you are over reacting. I'm not sure if "vital for our mental health" means one of you has some kind of MH issue and this is genuine respite care or if you don't realize most babies don't sleep 7 to 7 (if the baby wakes even once in the night why do you both get up ? ) presumably you are both back at work as this is such an issue for you (and you don't mix much with other new parents to know most babies wake far more than yours) rather than any genuine MH matter ?

Your in laws are going above and beyond, I'd think very carefully before upsetting or annoying them. You may not realize how lucky you are but they probably do.

MycatsaPirate · 30/09/2016 08:32

My youngest woke every two hours for two years. Then was still waking and getting up at night until she was 4.

I'd have ripped my own arm off for a full nights sleep once a week.

YABU.

Bestthingever · 30/09/2016 08:35

I'm starting to think this isn't genuine.

coconutpie · 30/09/2016 08:35

WTF? You really are a spoiled, ungrateful brat. One night in every seven, your PIL do you a massive favour and you are complaining? How about you care for your own baby instead if you don't like it? And how is this "vital" to your mental health?

ipswichwitch · 30/09/2016 08:35

My 5yo wakes more often than your baby - his sleep has been well and truly wrecked due to having osa and other health issues. Nobody has him overnight - care to guess why? That's right, because he doesn't fucking sleep. We have had 5 years of this, and we just take it in turns to get up with him, and give each other a lie in at weekends. The lack of sleep has caused me some health problems and worsened DH's mental health issues.

If someone took mine for a night they could all be doing the can-can at 3am and I wouldn't be anything but fucking grateful that I was getting some sleep.

If you don't like what MIL is doing then stay home. Take it in turns to get up with your baby, and thank your lucky stars that you do actually have a decent sleeper.

alphabook · 30/09/2016 08:38

I'm guessing this is a wind up or a reverse as the OP hasn't come back.

GoofyTheHero · 30/09/2016 08:40

Well yeah, while I can see it's not ideal for her to be playing with him at 4am, I can't get past the fact that overnight help once a week is vital with a baby who sleeps so well.
I have a 2.10 year old and a 15 month old. DD1 has slept through the night a handful of times, DD2 is still up 2-3 times a night. DH works away mon-fri. We have never had overnight help. Not one night.

regularbutpanickingabit · 30/09/2016 08:42

Hey OP, are you ok? It sounds like there is a lot more going on for you than this. Are you struggling to stay on top of things? Is that making you feel more anxious and upset than you are used to? Are you finding it hard to keep control over the baby, the sleep, the in laws, life in general?

I know people have been pretty harsh on this thread but it sounds to me like maybe this is a symptom of something deeper.

It might be worth going to the GP to chat through how you are feeling. PND rears its ugly head in all sorts of ways and sometimes it is something like this that just highlights what a tight emotional wire you are having to tread every day just to function.

If you feel that the only thing you have managed to control is how you interact with his night wakings and you feel massively undermined by your mil doing something different then perhaps this is telling you that you are not as in control of your own mental health as you think you are.

Several children later, I can tell you that each one will do their thing when it comes to sleep. Sometimes it is a needs must situation and the usual routine or techniques don't wash. At that point, her stepping in to tire him out in a different way is fine. It won't be forever and it won't ruin his sleep.

Please have a chat with the GP.

mscongeniality · 30/09/2016 08:53

Your PILs sound amazing! And you are so lucky to be able to get a full nights sleep once a week, gosh I would have been overjoyed at having that during my sons first year. But no it was just myself and my husband doing it all as we have no family nearby for support.
I really think you should calm down and evaluate the situation - it's really not the end of the world she played with him. I'm also a first time mom and my son is 16 months now but honestly this wouldn't have bothered me at all. Is there something else going on which has made you over react to this? Doesn't seem normal.

KayTee87 · 30/09/2016 08:55

I agree with pp unless there's some sort of illness or backstory then an over night a week is not vital at all. Go to bed at 10 and take it in turns to get up.

Batteriesallgone · 30/09/2016 09:00

Well exactly diddl. Trying to get the baby back to sleep might be unnecessary hassle for both baby and GP. PIL sound fab and lovely.

CocktailQueen · 30/09/2016 09:01

these visits have been vital to our mental health as we get at least one night with no baby wakeup each week

My son is a very good sleeper, generally 7-7, with 1 wakeup most nights, 2 occasionally

OP, you are better off than hundreds of people with non-sleeping babies in here so your post is bound to annoy some lots of people.

How can your PIL looking after your ds be vital to your MH if he is a fab sleeper? Makes no sense.

YABU, and PFB. Your PILs have been fab and have done way more than you could reasonably expect them to. If you don't like how your mil deals with your ds, then don't stay there. Look after him yourself. Hmm

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